Mental health

Shift Happens

Posted on May 7, 2012May 20, 2013 by stilllearning2b

I do an 1 1/2 hour power 2 hot yoga class on Sunday mornings. I have attended this class regularly since January, but it still takes me right to the edge of what I can endure. Yesterday’s class was an interesting lesson for me. I went into the class physically prepared: hydrated, rested, not too sore from the sprints the day before, ad breakfast was on board, but not a recent memory. I should have had an easy go of it.

The mind said otherwise.

As I moved through the familiar vinyasas at the start of class, I could feel my breath hitch and stutter, my mind interpreting that as an indicator of panic. Here I was, on a familiar mat in a familiar room, and my body-mind was becoming convinced that I was in some sort of imminent danger. I began to feel light-headed as the breath deteriorated further; I was losing balance in simple poses. All signals were screaming, “Get out!”

I chose to acknowledge them and ignore them. Instead of leaving the sweltering confines of the practice room, I gently folded my body into child’s pose to rest. I laid there for several minutes while the class moved and grunted around me, continuing to press their bodies into position. I simply breathed. I had to work to tell my mind that it was okay to rest, acceptable to take a break and miss part of the class. I stayed there until my breath was smooth again and my heart beat was less evident against my ribcage. I stayed there until my mind shifted from fear to acceptance. From fight to relaxation. From flight to stillness.

When I pushed back up into down dog to continue the flow, I felt revitalized and refreshed, even as the sweat poured down my frame. I went on to have a wonderful practice, even moving further into difficult (for me anyway!) poses than I had in the past.

Shift happened.

Know that your current situation and perspective is temporary. If you are unhappy with your current state, stay with it, but do not nurture it. Acknowledge it, but do not be consumed by it. Accept it, but do not run to it with open arms. Guide your mind to soften and remind your body to breathe. Shift will happen.

Taming the Monkey Mind: My Monkey’s Flinging Poo

Posted on May 5, 2012March 8, 2024 by stilllearning2b

Yesterday was a frustrating day at work. We had to cancel a fun activity for the kids at the last minute due to weather. Now, I am sure this will come as a complete and utter shock to you, but middle school students do not react well to change. Especially change that requires they attend classes they thought they were going to miss. They were upset and they were not afraid to share it. All day long there was a negative undertone as the kids dealt with their frustrations by grumbling about how unfair it was and the teachers dealt with their frustrations by complaining about the kids. It was a fruitless and circuitous endeavor that felt impossible to halt. One thousand eighth graders are a formidable force. Especially in May.

My monkey mind did not respond well to the negative energy. Instead of relying upon his prior lessons in mindfulness and breath, he began to run around his cage, shaking the bars, and flinging poo at all who dared approach. It wasn’t pretty. I tried to meditate to soothe the agitated monkey mind before I took him out for a planned meeting with friends. He just pointed and laughed at me. Apparently this would require a tool of a different sort.

I attended the gathering and had a wonderful time. The monkey was distracted by all of the conversation and he behaved relatively well. No poo was flung, much to the appreciation of all in attendance.

Although my monkey mind had been somewhat calmed, his agitation was still simmering just beneath the surface. As mediation had proven itself unable to handle the task yesterday, I decided to try to pacify my monkey with sprints. As I ran those 100 yards full-out, my monkey mind was silenced, holding on for dear life and unable to screech his disapproval. They were mini-meditations in intervals. All I could think about was that moment. That breath. That step. The frustrations and negativity floated away like the dust kicked up from under my feet. It was a great big cleansing breath for the soul. And a reminder for my monkey mind that it’s not nice to throw poo.

What Words Were Spoken?

Posted on May 4, 2012March 6, 2024 by stilllearning2b

I stumbled across this article this morning and found familiar words. My husband left me a letter than contained many of the same excuses. I think it can be helpful to realize that these words are often not meant to be taken personally, rather they are the platitudes spoken to try to excuse the behavior and pass along the shame and guilt. These are not words to internalize and let fester, rather, these are words to let slide through and let go.

What Cheating Men Really Mean When They Say They’re Leaving | First Wives World.

Men – I would love to hear from you. Are these words similar to those spoken by cheating wives?

3 Tips to Recover From a Breaking Point

Posted on May 2, 2012 by stilllearning2b

We all have our breaking points. Some are minor collapses, brought on by the stressors of the day piling up while our monkey minds run around screeching. Others are near-fatal collapses triggered by loss or change. Although these breaking points differ in scale and recovery time, the tips below can help you begin to plaster the break and rebuild.

3 Tips to Recover From a Breaking Point.

I used to visualize my breaking points as the collapse of a rock face, permanently marring the cliff. I am learning to view breaking points as the natural and expected result of the crest of the wave. I will break under life pressures again and again, but like the water, I can regather and rebuild.

How do you recover from your breaking points? Do you see them as rock or water?

There’s No Shame in Asking for Help

Posted on May 2, 2012May 20, 2013 by stilllearning2b

I have always been very independent. As a very young (and short) child, I would use household objects as tool in order to reach the light switches so that I would not have to depend upon anyone else. Overall, I believe that this trait has served me well. Until I got divorced, that is. Those first few weeks were hell on my body. I could not eat, causing my already slim frame to waste away to nothing. My ribs stood out in relief along my back. My body was racked with tremors, the anxiety too much for mere flesh and bones to contain. I did not sleep; my body refused to rest.

Those around me encouraged me to try medication. I resisted. I was determined to do this alone, without the aid of a pharmacy. Eventually, my body made the decision for me as days moved into weeks and I saw no improvement. I ended up with some substantial medication to help me eat and sleep (300 mg Trazadone, if you’re keeping count…and I could still push through that on many nights). I found peace with my decision to accept pharmaceutical assistance. Those pills allowed my body to function for the first 8 months. I let them go when I was able to go solo again.

There is no shame is asking for help. We accept the fact that those at the at the end of life and those at the beginning of life require assistance, yet we somehow believe that adults should be able to be independent. Divorce is the death of one life and the infancy of another. You will need help.

Here are three sources of help you may find you need:

1) Therapy

Depending upon your situation, your prior coping skills, and your support system, you may be in need of therapy. That is not a sign of weakness or a sign that you are crazy. You are going through one of the most stressful events that one can endure and you may not be prepared to handle it on your own. A therapist can be your guide down the road to healing. Don’t be afraid to try different approaches and different people until you find what works for you.

2) Medication

I had to face the difficult lesson that sometimes you can’t fix your body through sheer will. Medication may need to be investigated if you are unable to sleep or eat for a significant period or if sadness or anxiety are completely overwhelming. I know I was afraid of triggering dependency, as I felt that I was in a very vulnerable place. I discussed this with my doctor and so medications were chosen that were not considered high risk for abuse.

3) Time

Divorce is exhausting. Adding to that, you have to adapt to your new responsibilities, navigate the court system, and somehow find time to process the whole mess. This is a time when taking some leave from work is acceptable; your self-work needs to take priority for a while. If you are parent, ask someone to watch the kids so that you can have some time alone.

It is far better to temporarily suffer the embarrassment and discomfort of asking for help than to permanently suffer in silence. Ask for a hand, and let it guide you through.

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