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Lessons From the End of a Marriage

A “How to Thrive” Guide After Divorce


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This blog is a space for all of those who have experienced the end of a significant relationship and are seeking to move beyond the grief and anger.  Together we can use our past traumas to help each other find balance and well-being in our lives.

My own story began in 2009, when my husband abruptly abandoned me with a text message after 16 years.  I then uncovered financial deceptions going back years and discovered that he married another woman 6 days after leaving me (yup, that is felony bigamy, in case you’re wondering).  Since that time, I have been working to rebuild and balance my life and to use my story and what I have learned from it to help others. (You can find my full story in my book Lessons From the End of a Marriage.)

The end of the marriage was a beginning of a new life. I have successfully navigated the healing process and am in a new (happy and healthy) relationship. Perhaps the title of the blog should actually be Lessons From the End of a Marriage, the Middle of Healing and the Beginning of Remarriage, but the URL would be a bit too long:) I write as one who has been there and made it to the other side.

If you want help making it to the other side, check out my complete How-To-Thrive Guide for after divorce!

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This is not a blog about navigating the legal aspects of marriage, nor is it a place to bash the ex (although I am sure that may happen from time to time:) ). This blog is about re-centering and re-purposing.  Forgiving our exes, and more importantly, ourselves.  It is about how to create beauty from trauma.  Join me in the journey.

You can also find me:


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For more information on my story, see How it Began or Rewrapping Divorce as a Gift.  To share your story, please visit here.

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222 thoughts on “About

  1. Thank you for creating a blog to share the positive about “moving on” in life after a bad breakup. It’s wonderful to learn tools to live by that help us grow instead of repeating the behaviors that brought us to this place in our relationship and ourselves.

  2. Thank you for subscribing to my blog. I see you are also a fellow tough Mudder. I run in the vibrams too. After the last mudder I switched from kso to the bikilas.
    Peace to you on your journey. It’s tough to navigate through this loss of “faith” in another.

  3. I am new to blogging but not to writing. It is now 11 years past my divorce. It was a long marriage and the healing was long, many years. I have now mentored others who are divorcing and in pain and bewilderment. I am presently writing a book about my journey. For some people divorce and the crazy times it brings are over quickly and they are on with their lives. For me, it was excruciating. It had been a wonderful marriage and now my husband had become a stranger. Writing and remembering how much I still had to be grateful for got me through. I hope that you and I have many exchanges. There is always hope and be good to yourself.

    1. There are so many of us that found ourselves married to a stranger. It sounds as though you have taken control of your your story and are able to use it to help others. That is a beautiful thing.

  4. It’s been three years since the end of my 10 year marriage, which ended just as abruptly. A common theme: what’s up with that?… Anyway, have been witness to the marvellous healing ability of the mind and heart, of realising that I had in fact, been broken OPEN. Moved, created a new life, and marvelling as the years pass, and I find I am surviving and thriving. Meditation and therapy helped immensely.
    So happy to have come across your blog. Look forward to more posts!

  5. Hi,
    I saw a comment of yours on Meizac’s blog, and thought your picture was fantastic. I followed you here, and realized it hasn’t always been a huge big smile for you. I’m truly sorry. You have all my respect, and a new follower.
    Le Clown

  6. Hi, thanks for taking the time to read and follow my blog. I hope you enjoy the trip.

    A few suggestions are in order for the new follower. Experienced readers have found it advantageous to prepare a light alcoholic beverage or iced drink prior to starting. They then find a comfortable sitting area, put their feet up, scratch where it itches, and devote the rest of their time to enjoying my posts. I hope you find these hints helpful. 🙂

    Be encouraged!

  7. I really appreciate your articles,thoughts and views.It’s very real and helpful to me.
    I want to ask your kind permission to post some of your articles in full or excerpts on my blog with full credit to your name and a link back to your website/blog.I will be glad to welcome you as guest blogger/contributor on my blog.

  8. You are a wonderful person for sharing your story. May the rest of your life be filled with the joy you deserve.

  9. Super positive outlook on being better & refusing to be bitter! Inspirational blog! I’ve “been there, done that”…don’t think I handled it nearly as well back in the day! 🙂

  10. The only thing worse than getting divorced is not getting divorced. As you have discovered, once the divorce occurs, the healing, recovery, reordering your life, can begin. The festering can end and all can be seen in light.

    And yet with all due respect, your ex didnt become this way overnight. The deception, the money issues, the infidelity– all seemed to be on such a broad scale. Didnt you suspect anything wrong with him? Ever? What were things like when you were dating? Did you miss signs?

    1. Thank you for asking in a polite way. I’ll address this briefly here, but more fully in a post at some point. First, there was no “festering,” at least not on my side. We were laughing together at a fireworks show days before and were slated to go to the coast a few days hence.

      I know this is uncomfortable to believe, but there were no signs other than a few strange things the last two weeks (during which he was out of town and we couldn’t easily talk). He worked (hard) to intentionally keep things hidden. I do not know when the lies started, if they were always there or came in later to cover some misdeed. Since he disappeared, I will never be able to uncover what happened. I have had to let it go.

  11. Wonderful and a great blog. I was directed by Life Revelations to check out your blog and I thank him for doing so. I have been through a different trauma and in the process of healing myself. I will follow and try to stop by from time to time to say hello to your blog. Your new follower, Jenny

    1. Welcome:) I wish you the best on your healing and please feel free to share your perspective at any time. There is much in common between the trauma of divorce and other traumas and we can learn about both by exploring these.

  12. wonderful premise for a blog. Thank you for the follow! I wish I would have had blogs like this to read during my divorce. It is a dark time but at the other end is a glorious awakening of renewed confidence, strength and excitement for the future. look forward to following your blog!

  13. I can only say that I’m sorry for your experience–I have no words of wisdom. It took a long time for me to stop defining myself as “divorced” (like a scarlet letter D). God bless you abundantly–Caddo

  14. Do you think we need to forgive our exes as you mention above? I recently read a good book called “How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To” and from it I decided that I don’t need to forgive my ex. And it definitely doesn’t sound like you should forgive yours. The book says that if they do nothing to earn your forgiveness you don’t have to give it to them. Instead you can reach acceptance… accept the situation and move on, etc., etc., but it doesn’t mean you forgive them. I have two kids with my soon-to-be ex and I figure I can be cordial with him, maybe even become friends eventually, but I will not forgive him for the way he treated me and what he did…

    I’m glad I found your site… I live in a smallish town that has no divorce support groups (interestingly there is one for those that have been cheated on that I’ve started going to) and I don’t know any divorced/single people in town to talk to or hang out with when I don’t have the kids. I really feel very isolated. My married friends have been really good… almost all of them at least… but they are understandably busy with their families. And there is a lot of stuff going on with me that they just don’t understand (and they should be happy about that!). I’m not really ready to date yet (we separated in Jan, he moved out in April) so it’s hard to meet just friends.

    1. Welcome:) I’m glad you found the site!

      I have a feeling that what you are calling “acceptance” and what I am naming “forgiveness” are really the same thing. I chose to forgive him for me; it has nothing at all to do with him. Part of the forgiveness was accepting responsibility for my part while refusing to take the blame for his. Now, granted, we never had children so that makes it much easier…

      Does your area have any groups? That site was perfect for me when I needed new social groups but I was not ready to date.

  15. Thank you for visiting my blog and subscribing. I can’t say that I have any answers or even am able to yet formulate many of the questions. As I say it in my blog – it is all about the journey, not the destination.

  16. Stilllearning2b, thank you for stopping by my “20th Anniversary” blogpost, giving me a chance to discover your blog in return.

  17. Hi Lisa…I owe you an official message 🙂 I’ve nominated you for the ‘very inspiring blogger’ award, for reasons that are obvious. You are a very strong woman, and your words are inspiring countless others to take charge of their lives and live to the fullest! Thanks for inspiring me. (It’s ok if you don’t wanna accept it/ pay it forward)
    loads of love!

  18. I am moved by your introduction above. This reminds me of how a storm causes trees to topple, soil to flood, and houses to wreck. But a ceasing storm will leave the air more fresh, the sky cleaner, and the fields more fertile. Never curse a tragedy because even a heaven on earth occurs after a great calamity.

    Many blessings to you, Lisa. 🙂

    Subhan Zein

    1. Well said:) I’m not sure if you read my Tsunami Divorce page, but I pretty much say the same thing. I was devastated by the great wave, but now I stand on a clean shore, a tabula rasa upon which I am rebuilding. Thanks for stopping by!

  19. Hi I’ve enjoyed reading what you have written…I’ve found that often the best way to capture such experinces is thru story and metaphor…so here is one of my fav’s: There once was a King who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The King looked at all the pictures, but there were only two he really liked and he had to choose between them.

    One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror, for peaceful towering mountains were all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace. The other picture had mountains too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky from which rain fell and in which lightening played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all. But when the King looked, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest… perfect peace. Which picture do you think won the prize? The King chose the second picture. “Because,” explained the King, “peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace.”

  20. After combing several of your posts, I think this blog is healthy for my growth. I’m involved in a brand new committed relationship, and the last thing I need is a specter from my past bringing doubt into my partnership. Thanks for the insight.

  21. Hi Lisa, I love your blog so much I nominated it for an Inspiring Blogger Award. If you’re interested in participating, pop over and check it out. It’s entirely up to you. Thanks for everything!

  22. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I’ve been there too. so i truly sympathise. I hit my ex where it hurt literally, i rebuilt my self confidence and i was able to move on to a better life and finally achieve my dream.

  23. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I have been through a divorce too and hit my ex where it hurt literally (with a little help from some chilli). I rebuilt my confidence and went after my dream. I am now a happily married mum of two.

  24. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and i guess sometimes you have to believe there is a bigger picture. I went through a horrific divorce 7 years ago and i found the strength to hit my ex where it hurt (with the help of some chilli amongst other things). I managed to rebuild my confidence and my life and i am now a happily married mother of two. A divorce is something that happens to us, it is not who we become.

  25. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger and i guess sometimes you have to believe there is a bigger picture. I went through a terrible divorce over 7 years ago, but i managed to hit my ex where it hurt literally (with the help of some chilli amongst other things). I found the courage to rebuild my confidence and my life and now i am a happily married mum of two. A divorce is something that happens to you, it isn’t who you become. Never let go of your dreams and don’t let anyone push you down.

  26. I found your blog this morning and I am so glad to come across it. My divorce has been final for almost two weeks now, although we have been apart for almost a year. It is encouraging to see that people do heal, move on and flourish in their new lives. I am looking forward to flourishing and moving on too. The healing is starting, and I am beginning to see the 10 years I was with my ex-husband as a learning experience and be thankful for the things I did accomplish during those years.

    1. I’m glad you found the blog as well. It seems like a perfect fit for you. I hope that you are able to find some support and healing among these pages and the people that frequent them. Welcome 🙂

  27. i did yoga, fun run, took up graduate school just to help me find me again.. nyahahah… You can do it… Women are stronger than men I believe.. 🙂

  28. Im excited to read your book. True story of survival. One question, however. Did your ex-husband stay with his second wife? Did she forgive him? And have you moved on and started dating? Im a gay man, and moving on has proved difficult for me. Breakup’s and divorces BLOW! XXX, B.

    1. That’s a lot to answer! Check out my post “Where is He Now?” for info about my ex and his other wife. As for me, I’m in a great place now!

      I’d love to hear more about your perspective as a gay man on my posts and book. I have followers and reviewers who are male, female, married, single, and divorced, but I don’t think I have any that identify as gay. Please feel free to share your view. So much of what I talk about in common to the human experience, regardless of our labels.

  29. Hi Lisa, lovely to ‘meet you’ and thank you for liking my blog.

    I find your blog and writing inspiring and I’m very happy to stay connected with you through WordPress. While very different to yours, I too have described my divorce a tsunami as it also ‘hit me’ out of the blue. I see those big moments in our life as our ‘wake up’ calls – a kind of ‘spiritual kick in the arse!’ if you know what I mean. While we can block things out of our mind, I believe there is always an organic process going on underneath pushing truth to the surface. A big part of my journey has been uncovering and understanding those hidden layers, as it is for many of us.

    Now being a midlife transition coach and Holotropic Breathwork practitioner, I feel truly blessed to be accompanying other women on their heroine’s journey of divorce. It really is a sacred journey!

    Love and blessings to you!

    1. Oh do I ever know what you mean! It is amazing how we can rewrap divorce as a gift and turn something we never wanted into something that is transformative in a positive way. Thanks for stopping by and commenting! 🙂

  30. Your journey is commendable. I hope to one day get to a point where I can feel empowered and regain that part of my life i’ve lost…slowly working my way there.

    1. I’m not sure it’s so much regain is it is build new. Some things may be lost forever but doesn’t mean you cannot find something even better in its place.

      I like the word “empowered” – you do have the power to change your perspective and choices, and those in turn can change your life.

      I wish you the best:)

  31. Hello, I hope it is not too late to wish you a wonderful New Year. May 2013 bring you more happiness, love, and success. Also, I would like to thank you because you continue following my blog. I hope my short stories and poetry do not disappoint and that your visits in there have been a joyful ride. Thank you again, many blessings and much love to you. 🙂

    Subhan Zein

    1. Thanks:) How did you know I needed one? I was just reading through the comments on my latest Huff piece…the lack of tolerance and judgement that some people have makes me sad.

      Congrats on you ‘best book’ award! You are most deserving:)

      1. You’re a dearheat! How did I know? That’s a good question. Sometimes I just get a feeling to stop by and see my friend the lovely Lisa. Always holding you in my heart and wishing you well. How could one not after reading your incredible book? Thank you for the congrats on mine. Let’s hope it helps shine a light on the intolerance that saddens both our hearts. Bib cyber hug. Paulette

            1. Okay, now that is funny! We are getting some of the first warm, sunny days of spring this weekend so my plan is to be outside as much as possible:)

              Enjoy your weekend as well!

              1. I will do my best. I am a “Saturday” kind of guy. No matter how I feel, Saturday is “Soccer Day”…Love it. Shopping today as we couldn’t go yesterday, but I am going to treat myself to a new Skype headset.
                Hard life

                Have a good one..
                Shaun x

  32. Thanks for following my blog! I admit, after looking through your site, I’m left with a bit of a scared feeling, you know like you just can’t trust people. I am horrified that this happened to you. I think that fear is more about *my* issues though and is something I still have to “learn.” Marvelous lessons! And I can’t wait to be able to afford a yoga class! They are short on them in these parts!! 🙂

  33. I am soo sorry it has taken me so long to thank you for stopping by my blog and checking me out!! I love your blog!! I am excited you found me so I could find you!!!

  34. Thank you for following my blog. When I saw your name, it was familiar. This is a whole new world for me, and the healing/recovery process will be long, I’m sure. You’re story is very inspirational. There’s so much I want to do with my life now, when I’m truly free to do so. I feel the reins are still in place, in a manner of speaking, until after the divorce is final. The pain of deception knows no bounds, whether it was obvious, or you were oblivious. Kindred spirits unite! 🙂

      1. Perhaps I should have said, fortuitous kindred spirits. Yes, the club is not one I would want to see people lining up for. It makes me think Groucho Marks had the right idea after all.

  35. Thank you for following my blog, I’ve just been reading some of your posts and they are so moving they bring tears to my eyes. Your storytelling is exceptional. I love your blog.

    Marissa x

  36. I just found your blog and it brought tears to my eyes just to see the title. I am a novice blogger and reader of blogs. But, for 3 years now I have been trying to get a divorce after 25 years of marriage! I realized I have no clue who I am or what I like. The end is so near but, for 2 months now he my ex came to visit our adult children. I reverted back to the shell of a person that I was. He is gone now and I found blogging. And I am loving it! Thank you for having a blog that brought me comfort in knowing I am not alone. Happy blogging! Going to cruise through your past post and read a few now!

      1. I thank you very much for the welcoming! I do not feel so alone and I finally am feeling like I just may be part of something that will possibly help someone. Happy blogging.

  37. Lisa,
    I saw you on the Jeff Prost show, I was blown away by your story and I too was in a similar marriage with my ex wife. If I was married to you I would have done everything I can to make you the best wife a guy could every want, just loving you, supporting you, caring for you, money can not buy happiness I have learned this over most of my life, life is what you put into it, hope to chat sometime, you are a true blessing!!

    1. Thanks for watching and stopping by! And you are so right about money not buying happiness, nor is it something a spouse can be expected to provide. Our happiness is our own responsibility and has to come from within.

  38. Thanks so much for the follow- I didn’t start my blog due to divorce, but it is definitely helping me find my voice now that I’m going through one…I look forward to checking out more…

  39. Thanks for “liking” my blog. Mine is not entirely about divorce, but also includes my battle with cancer at the same time. I like how you process. Life is hard but God is good.

  40. Thanks for liking the Mandela quote I just put up. I find it refreshing so thought I would share. Well done to you is all I can say having ventured onto your own site. Live life, MM

  41. I am so thankful that you found my blog post, which lead me to finding this blog. I can’t tell you how much this blog is going to be helpful for me going forward. Things are going to be rocky for a while, but I know I will get strength, courage, and hope from your story and from others’. Thank you so much!

  42. Thank you for following my blog. I just started it yesterday, so I am super new and I think I will be learning the ropes for awhile! Looking forward to reading your book.

  43. I wanted to thank you for popping by and subscribing to my blog… I can see that, though our situations are quite different, our journeys are mapped in similar directions. Very nice to meet a kindred spirit… congratulations on your journey and am interested in reading your book as I am pulling together the beginning of my first manuscript… Looking forward to reading more!

    1. Congrats on getting the first manuscript together- that’s quite an accomplishment. I always love meeting people on parallel journeys. Different teachers often present us with the same lessons:)

  44. I am in the middle of a divorce right now, and I am so glad I found your blog! Thank you for the like on my post. I’m looking forward to reading. 🙂

  45. Wow, I’m sorry to hear how your ex ended the relationship, and to get married 6 days later? I mean, come on pal!!

    You deserve so much better though and he was meant to leave your life so you could make room for the right man when he comes! I look forward to reading more of your blog!

  46. Thanks for the visit. Been divorced thrice…foolish enough to keep trying. But now happily making the journey on my own. Nice to hear you managed to find someone. 🙂

  47. Hello fellow journeywoman, and thanks for following my blog. I’ve just been reading yours and I was horrified and then delighted for you. You got back up. It’s the only thing we can do. Thank you for inspiring me to keep going. You are fab!

  48. Damn, you are gorgeous in that photo! And thank you for an inspirational blog, as I am in a similiar horrific situation right now.

  49. Lisa, thank you so much for your wonderful blog. I’m from New Zealand, and some how stumbled onto your site and it has been such a help to me. Our laws and processes for dissolving a marriage are different from yours, but the pain of being cheated on and lied to and losing your best friend is the same all over the world I guess. I am truly grateful for all your positivity about how to handle the stress of this mess. Every time I start to feel like having a pity party for myself I check your site and there is always some tidbit of positive advice that helps get my focus on moving forward, not dwelling in the past. I can’t thank you enough. You are amazing. Fi

    1. And thank you for reading:) You are so right, the geography and the laws (and the details) may be different, but the pain is the same. Baby steps to the life you want. You’ll get there:)

  50. Your blog is very inspirational…actually I found it looking for info on working with Huffington Post….but got to reading it further. Anyway…great job…..PS – – – love your photo with your hate (I am a Texan too!)

  51. Hi lisa, I followed your blog not because that I am divorce or separated from my partner. I followed you because I see a very positive personality in you and I like it. I love positive people and it attracts more people to be positive in life…I look forward for more positive post..

    Good day!..

    1. Thank you:) I find that so much of what I write about has nothing really to do with divorce…it’s more about life’s lessons that I happened to learn through divorce.

      And I am in complete agreement with you – positive attracts more positive!

  52. Thanks for stopping by my blog, Lisa. I’ve read your book and stop by your blog too. My divorce looks very different from yours but I experienced a lot of the same feelings and emotions. Here’s to moving forward and onward!

  53. First I have to say, I love the photo of you (?) wearing mud, victorious! My husband left unexpectedly after 20 years of marriage. I was devastated at first. I had believed we would grow old together. Now I know that everything happens for a reason. I had a lot of learning to do, and so did my soul mate, my high school sweetheart who found me after 39 years of no contact. We never know what grand surprises are in store for us!

  54. Thank you for sharing your blog. It’s a lifesaver as I struggle through accepting that my soon to be ex-husband has chosen to give up on his family and start a new life on his own.

  55. And I thought finding out via the bank accounts a few days before Christmas (2013). A text message is brutal. Happy to have found your blog upon a visit to mine. I will be looking for your lessons learned so I can avoid any pitfalls (19 months since finding out after several years of hell) now that I am officially single. I hope your road back to happiness ends in a lasting relationship.

    1. I think they’re both at the top of the sucktacular list. Sorry that happened. Dig around the site- I started writing about 3 years out and am now at 6 (and happily remarried). I share everything from the yuck (with ideas on how to cope) to the celebrations of a new life.

  56. Hi. Thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like you have taken the pain and the experience and transcended it to something more beautiful….your new life. I see you remarried; congratulations. I don’t know if I want to do that again, and to be honest, I didn’t always like being married. I felt trapped. I would like a companion in the future. I’m working on myself right now and I am not dating, bc if I did date I know I would latch on to someone bc I’m not whole right now. So I will wait and create my new life and discover new things about myself. Thanks for your stories!

  57. Hi Lisa,
    I feel quite flattered that my brain eggs/blog posts on relationships made you decide to start following me. I recommended your site to a friend. I think in life, we are all still learning to be till the day we die. Sometimes we get distraught on our paths, but if we manage to continue, we can also find the greatest happiness along that very same path, like your story shows

  58. Just came across your blog after I saw that you followed me. Thank you for following me. I look forward to reading more. I can relate to many of the things you have written so far. I find solace reading your story. Thank you so much!

  59. Thank you for finding me! I am excited about the chock full of goodness and love you have going on here in this space. I have shared your blog with a dear sister-friend of mine who is currently in the beginning stage of her divorce process. Although I am not married or ever have been, I feel this space to be a significant service to us all. Thank you! 🤗

  60. Sometimes I realize I just want the time and effort I put into our marriage to be appreciated. Actually got a text with a thank you, and that helped, but you are right in that we totally need to move on without that if it never comes

  61. Wow, so much good info here. I’m going through a tough divorce after 16 years of marriage, and the pain is still very raw. Nice to know I’m not alone, and to see that others gave been through a similar situation and come out the other side. Thank you.

    1. So sorry you’re going through this. There IS another side and with time and persistence, you’ll get there.

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