Walking a Marriage

Posted on by stilllearning2b

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Walking Tiger is pure joy. There is an ease in the connection, a trusted bond evident in the matched rhythms of human and dog. The leash is loose in my hand and the worries loose in my mind. We move forward together, sharing the experience in our unique ways (he spends much more time with his nose to the ground and leg to the sky than I do:)!). We walk in parallel, the journey strengthening our connection and our trust.

It wasn’t always this way with Tiger. First, mutual trust had to be established. He needed to know that I was a competent guide and I needed to believe that he wouldn’t snap or bolt when given freedoms. We needed to learn the other’s rhythms and patterns. I’ll admit that Tiger was easier to train than I was – I let my fears have too much power for a time. But with time and practice (and lots of patience on Tiger’s part!), I learned to relax and enjoy the walk.

The skills and strategies I learned at the end of Tiger’s leash have also helped me in my relationship. Through the leash, I learned how to trust myself and another. I trained my mind to relax and my grip to loosen. I learned to enjoy the walk rather than fear what might lay around the next corner.

I learned that when I use too much restraint with Tiger, when I pull back out of fear, my reaction only transfers the negative energy to him and gives it power. Pulling back too tightly only causes him to want to pull against me. On the other hand, if I trust in him, he responds in kind, staying by my side instead of straining to get ahead. When I trust him, he acts trustworthy. The leash now acts as only a reminder of the bond, not as a restraint. Relationships are no different – try too hard to hold someone back and they will fight to be free. Trust them and allow them to choose to be by your side.

When I first started walking Tiger, I tried to avoid other dogs. I knew he was friendly, but I was not confident enough in myself to handle him (he does weigh almost as much as me!). As my confidence grew, I stopped giving passing dogs such a wide berth. Time and time again, Tiger proved himself as he either gave a friendly greeting or ignored the other canines, depending upon the situation and my intent. When I am wary, his body language reflects my distrust and warns the other dog away. Now, even when loose and aggressive dogs follow us, he (and I!) remain calm and confident. The partners in a marriage should not be afraid to encounter others either. If you treat everything as a threat, it will respond in kind.

As I have become more comfortable with Tiger, our world together has expanded and enriched. He would not be the dog he is, nor would we have the bond we do, if he remained locked in the security of the house. By exploring together, we have grown together. Relationships need room to breath, spaces to explore and adventures to look forward to. If they spend every day trapped inside, they will become as lazy as an old dog.

One of my favorite habits that Brock and I established early on was taking frequent walks together, often with Tiger sandwiched between us. Those walks formed the backbone of our relationship as we explored and bonded, talked and listened, building trust and finding connections. This is our time together to take pleasure in the fellowship and enjoy the walk.

I have Tiger to thank for my lessons in walking a dog. And now I am ready to apply them to walking a marriage:)

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10 Life Lessons From the Dog Whisperer

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Yes, I know what you’re thinking, “The Dog Whisperer?  That guy deals with…dogs. What on earth could he teach me about life?”  Remember that yours truly has found life and relationship lessons in barefoot running shoes, the actions (or lack thereof) of an elderly cat, a campground, and a fencing strip.  Oh, and I’m married to a guy who learns about life from the dojo.  So, see, life lessons from Cesar Millan is suddenly not so strange now, is it? Besides, his methods have worked to make my 95-lb pit bull  the world’s best dog!

 

 

1) Energy Transfer

Whenever Cesar meets with a new case, he watches the owner(s) interact with the dogs.  He pays more attention to the behavior of the owner than that of the dog.  His claim is that anxiety or a lack of confidence in the owner transfers to the dog.  He frequently says, “I rehabilitate dogs, but I train people.”  In our lives apart from dogs, we also transfer or energy.  If you find that you experience stress interacting with someone, check your own energy.  What are you responsible for transferring?

2) Don’t Grip the Leash Too Tightly

This is an extension of the lesson above.  When you watch the owners walk their troubled dogs, they grip the leash too tightly and pull with all their might if their dogs lunges at another dog.  This is transferring the anxiety to dog, but even more importantly, it is giving power to the anxiety.  In order to control the dog, the owner has to learn to let go of the illusion of control and has to begin to trust their dog.

English: Australian Cattle Dogs, Thommo and Du...

3) Prepare for Greetings

Cesar always prepares the dogs carefully before allowing them to enter a dog park or greet other dogs.  He makes sure that they are calm and submissive so that they are well-received by the rest of the pack.  It is worthwhile to check your own mental state before greeting someone.  I know I can come in from a stressful day and take it out on my boyfriend instead of pausing and waiting until my own mind was calm.  And, no, I’m not recommending that you start greeting people by sniffing their butts!

 

 

4) Work With Nature

According to Cesar, dogs process the world through their noses first, followed by their ears and eyes.  Obviously, we tend to use those senses in reverse and we all too often expect that from out pets.  Cesar advocated working with the nature of the animal so that you get the results you are looking for with the least amount of resistance.  Look around you.  Not everyone perceives the world the way you do.  Do you expect them to conform to you, or do you allow them to use their nature?

5) Be Aware of the Precursors

On the show, Cesar will often correct a dog when I cannot see any misbehavior.  Until the sequence is played in slow motion, that is.  Then, you can see a slight tuck of the tail or a tip of the ear, a slight precursor to the attack that is about to occur.  Cesar is so successful because he recognizes and responds to these early warning signs.  I know in my own life, I am often too busy to notice those little signs, much less respond so quickly to them.

6) Move Forward

When dealing with anxious or aggressive dogs, especially ones that he is trying to form a pack with, Cesar frequently begins by taking them for a walk or a rollerblade ride (I think he has a death wish here!).  His reasoning is that when the dogs are moving forward, it is impossible for them to focus on anything else. Now, I do think our brains are more monkey-minded than our canine friends, but we can still benefit from forward movement to calm ourselves.  So, when you are angry, sad, or anxious, try going for a walk.  Or a rollerblade ride if you’re more daring than I!

Cesar Millan, the dogwhisperer

7) Calm and Assertive

Cesar always works to get the dogs in a calm and submissive state.  The counterpoint to that in the owners is a calm and assertive state.  He is very kinesthetic and models what this looks like: shoulders back, head relaxed, arms relaxed.  It projects confidence and a calm mind.  When I feel stressed, I find myself emulating the body language of Cesar to trick my mind into responding.

8) Trust Your Senses

Cesar relies heavily on intuition; he does not spend too much time in the “thinky place.”  He trusts his instincts and, when he needs extra information, he trusts the instincts of his pack as they give him feedback on a new dog.  We all too often discount intuition and try to over-analyze everything.  Sometimes, it is better to trust your gut or the gut of a friend if yours is out of order.

 

 

9) See the Possible

About once a month, I see an episode with a dog that I think is hopeless.  Cesar doesn’t give up.  Some cases take longer and take more effort, but they can all improve.  He brings the worst cases to his ranch, where they are surrounded by a healthy and stable pack.  This is a good lesson in our own lives when troubles seem insurmountable.  Improvement is always possible.  Learn from Cesar, if you need more help, surround yourself with those who are healthy and balanced.  Their energy will transfer.  And, if that doesn’t work, maybe try chasing a tennis ball.

10) Redirect With Play

Need I say more?

Woof!  This post is Tiger-approved.

 

The Mental and Physical Benefits of Ten Types of Exercise

Posted on by stilllearning2b

A Marine of the United States Marine Corps run...

We are all aware that exercise provides physical benefits, but we may not be as aware of the mental and emotional rewards that come with physical activity.  Here are ten popular types of exercise and the benefits you can expect to receive.

1) Zumba

Zumba is a Latin-dance based class that is fast-paced, fun, and accessible to all ages and fitness levels.

Physical Benefits: Zumba provides a cardiovascular workout as you are consistently moving for the hour long class.  Many classes also incorporate some lower body strengthening moves.

Mental Benefits: Zumba is fun.  I mean jump around like a little kid in your pajamas kind of fun.  Go ahead, I dare you; try to make it through an entire class without laughing.  Laughter and fun are enormously important elements of wellness.  Zumba will help you get your giggle on.

2) Yoga

Yoga focuses on moving the body into various poses and holding them for a period of time.  Yoga classes can vary greatly, from the most gentle and relaxing to Power 2 hot classes.

Physical Benefits: Yoga helps to lengthen and stretch our tight muscles like nothing else.  The more advanced flow classes also provide strengthening through holding more difficult poses.

Mental Benefits: Yoga teaches you how to soften and relax into discomfort.  It helps you to focus your mind and be in the present moment.  It help to calm anxiety and release anger.  Quite frankly, yoga makes you happy and makes you a nicer person to be around.

Yoga Class at a Gym

3) Kettlebells

Kettlebells were originally used as training tools in Russia, but luckily they made it across the border.  They are simply heavy weights with handles that you move around in prescribed patterns.

Physical Benefits: Kettlebells offer cardiovascular and strength training in one.  They are especially excellent for training the core, glutes, and hamstrings along with developing muscular endurance.

Emotional Benefits: Kettlebell training requires that everything flows from one move to the next.  This helps the mind to flow as well, opening the dams between segments of your mind.  If your thoughts are feeling stuck, try picking up a kettlebell.  I bet your thoughts will be flowing like a river before you know it.

4) High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT)

HIIT can take many forms (I have talked before about Tabata training – ouch!), but it is essentially intervals of very intense exercise followed by intervals of rest.

Physical Benefits: HIIT is excellent for shredding fat in a short period of time.  It also helps to build your anaerobic capacity, which it useful whenever you need a quick burst of energy.

Mental Benefits:  HIIT teaches you to breathe.  Really breathe.  Most of us walk around each day with our lungs only partly used.  Try running sprints  without ever taking a complete, full breath.  It won’t happen.  When you completely fill and empty your lungs, you release tension that you are holding in your mind.

5) Weight Lifting

Weight lifting can take many forms, but it is essentially contracting the muscles against some form of resistance.

Physical Benefits: Lifting weights helps to build muscle tissue which gives the body a pleasing shape, helps to maintain mobility, and helps to burn fat.  Sounds like a win-win-win to me.

Mental Benefits:  Weight lifting helps you to feel strong.  Empowered.  You may not be able to control everything in your life, but you can sure show that dumbbell who’s boss!

6) Walking

Right foot, left foot.  Repeat.

Physical Benefits:  Walking is an accessible exercise that, depending upon its intensity, can provide cardiovascular training and lower body conditioning.  It is an easy, low impact way to help stave off weight gain.

Mental Benefits:  Walking tells your brain that you’re making progress.  There are times in life when we begin to feel overwhelmed with the daily grind.  Go for walk and you’ll begin to see the place of today in the bigger picture.

7) Running

See “walking,” only faster.

Physical Benefits: Running burns a lot of calories in a short time frame due to its intensity.  It also gives you an excuse to wear itty-bitty shorts in public.

Mental Benefits: When you run, you have to find the rhythm between the body and the breath.  This rhythm extends to the mind as it trains you to breathe deeper and slower when feeling bogged down or facing a challenging hill.

8) Races

There are many types of races: 5K or 10K, running or biking, triathlon or adventure, they all put you in a competition against others or yourself.

Physical Benefits:  Signing up for a race encourages you to train consistently, leading to improved benefits over periodic exercise.

Mental Benefits:  I recommend signing up for a race that takes you just to the edge of your ability when you are facing a challenge in your life.  Whereas most of life’s challenges are messy and may take years to resolve, a race is over in a matter of minutes or hours, yet it gives you the critical feeling of victory over a challenge.  There is nothing so sweet as crossing that finish line.

9) Crossfit

Crossfit has taken the world by storm.  It is a group exercise class that consists of a Workout of the Day (WOD) that incorporates strength and cardiovascular moves.

Physical Benefits: Crossfit certainly lives up to its name.  If you can stick with it, it will make you leaner, fitter, and stronger.

Mental Benefits: Perhaps the best part of Crossfit is the community.  Everyone is so supportive of everyone else.  Be prepared for applause and “atta boys” or “girls” when you complete that first pull-up.  If you need to know that others have you back, try visiting a Crossfit gym.

10) Bootcamp

Bootcamp classes are usually held outside and combine plyometric moves along with body weight exercises and a variety of drills.

Physical Benefits: You will be sore all over.  These classes don’t leave a muscle untouched or a sweat gland un-emptied.

Mental Benefits: Bootcamp teaches you to push through those “I can’ts” that our minds love to throw up in defense of effort.  It gives you the mental discipline to work through your problems and see them to the end.

For the most physical and mental benefit, choose more than one type of exercise.  By cross training, you will learn to utilize and synergize your entire boy and mind.

July 2007 CrossFit Trainer certification, Sant...

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