I May Not Be Traditional

Posted on by stilllearning2b
Camp
Camp (Photo credit: kellec)

My boyfriend and I went camping on our first two Thanksgivings together. Neither one of us have family in town and we are physically unable to fragment ourselves enough to visit everyone spread across the country. So we don’t try.

We love our camping trips.  It is a wonderful time to disconnect and reconnect. To slow down and savor. To shiver in the crisp (okay, frigid) morning air and cuddle up in the sleeping bag at night. The coffee tastes better and the showers are somehow more cleansing even though the space is shared with daddy longlegs. The computers are left behind and the other devices only get turned on to play music while we make dinner or play cards or perhaps to check the latest Ravens score. It’s invigorating and relaxing.

But it also takes work. Preparation. Reservations and packing. Shopping and cooking. I get a week off for Thanksgiving and this year we are flying to my boyfriend’s hometown for the first half. As I was looking at the calender, I was realizing the short turn-a-round between that trip and the discussed camping trip. I was just about to question the wisdom of the latter when my boyfriend, apparently reading my mind, said, “We have to go. It’s tradition.”

He’s right. We went on our first Thanksgiving together and it was a time to get to know one another apart from the distractions of life. The second year we went despite being sick and in the middle of a move. We learned how to work together as a team even when neither one of us were at our best. And, this year we will go again. I am not sure what lessons this trip will hold.

8 Lessons From the Campground

But I’ve already learned one. Traditions are important. They bind and anchor relationships, whether with family, children, or partners. They are a certainty, a known, a home to go back to. In divorce, you lose many of your traditions along with your spouse. Let that create the space needed to make new ones.

As for me, I may not be traditional by trading turkey for trail mix, but I love my tradition in the mountains and the woods.

How about you? What are some of your favorite traditions?

 

Heavy

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Perceptions

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I’m Over Overwhelmed

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Being overwhelmed is a feeling I am all too familiar with. I am a planner by nature and those to-do lists seem to experience exponential growth in my hands. This can be a helpful trait, as it allows me to have many plates spinning at once without letting too many fall to floor. If fact, I can’t imagine not planning. For example, for a trip next weekend, I have to shop on Sunday, pack on Tuesday, and cook on Wednesday in order to leave on Friday. If I didn’t have my ducks in a row, we would either leave late or be hungry and naked the entire trip.

Overwhelmed
Overwhelmed (Photo credit: cosmorochester)

The problem is that I let my to-do list overwhelm me. I panic. I call myself a reverse procrastinator. I will push to get a task completed, but I do it at the beginning of the window of opportunity rather than at the end. To make things even worse, I always think the tasks will take more time than they actually do. I know this, yet I still believe my brain’s calculations and self-imposed time limits.

 

I’m over being overwhelmed. It’s wasted energy. Needless strife. Yes, life is full. It’s supposed to be.

 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, this article on Psych Central has some great tips. As for me, I am going to pack up my three outfits and two meals needed for a crazy school day, take a deep breath, and just be thankful for the peaceful commute in the autumn rain. I’ll leave the to-do list at home.

 

Taming the Monkey Mind: Misbehavin’ Monkey

Posted on by stilllearning2b
Monkey riding a dog.
Monkey riding a dog. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My monkey has been misbehaving recently. It snuck up on me; I didn’t even realize it until he threw a tantrum last night. About unfolded clothes and unwashed dishes. Yeah, silly, I know. Talk to the monkey.

Once my monkey mind was talked down from his ledge, exercised, and soothed with incense and a good book, he was finally able to articulate to me what had him so frantic.

Things have been good.

Uhhmmm…what? Why freak out over that?

He explained that he is used to the status quo. Routine. The right amount of activity and rest. Social time and solitude. Mental work and physical effort. In other words, the monkey wants balance.

Makes sense.

We are all so aware of the imbalance and stress in our lives when things are rough. But we often are not as aware of the effect that good events can have on us. Just as when things go wrong, positive events in our lives (new relationships, new jobs or promotions, good news, working for and reaching goals) can also be difficult. It can catch us off guard because we are not anticipating its appearance. We may not find support from others because they simply see us riding high.

The problem is that we can get caught up in the ride and forget that our monkey mind has a bedtime and gets cranky when he’s overstimulated.

My monkey mind and I reached an arrangement. While things are crazy, I will make an effort to carve out even more time for meditation. I will again view runs as time for reflection or socialization instead of simply ticking away the miles until the marathon (3 more weeks!). I will focus more on the awesomeness of the weekends I have coming up rather than worrying about prepping and packing food (sometimes being a gluten free vegetarian just plain stinks!).

And if the dishes are bothering me, I will simply burn incense.

Taming the Monkey Mind – the beginning