Transistance

Posted on by stilllearning2b

transistance [tran′zis·təns]

(electronics)
The characteristic that makes possible the control of voltages or currents so as to accomplish gain or switching action in a circuit; examples of transistance occur in transistors, diodes, and saturable reactors.

McGraw-Hill Dictionary of Scientific & Technical Terms, 6E, Copyright © 2003 by The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.

transistance [tran′zis·təns]

(psychology)

The characteristic of being resistant to transitions.

Me. Sometimes I feel the need to make up a new word or ascribe a new meaning to an established word in order to say what I want to say. This is one of those cases. Apologies in advance if that offends you.

Anyone involved with education is familiar with the enormous transitions from school to summer and then back again. As a teacher, I am involved with shutting down and then restarting an entire organization every year. It is a transition on a macro scale. Embedded within that transition, each person involved is also facing change. I see it in the rising freshmen in the spring and the incoming sixth graders in the fall. I see it on the faces of the parents as they witness their “babies” growing into maturity. I see it in the teachers as we adapt to new curriculum and new routines. It is an exciting and stressful time for all.

But why is it stressful? The coming of another school year and the aging of children are expected. Normal. So why the anxiety that bleeds into the buzz?

Transistance.

We so easily fall into the trap of thinking that the way things are now is the way they are always going to be. We might plan for tomorrow yet we see it from the perspective of today. That creates a friction between our psyches and the “now” that results in a resistance to change. We know transitions are inevitable yet it is difficult to imagine the biting wind of a winter storm while baking in the summer sun.

The only thing constant is change. Heraclitus

I did not used to be as aware of the affect that transitions had on me. I would find that I didn’t sleep as well or that my mind felt scattered, but I never really dug down into it. I am trying to be more mindful of the transitory periods in my life so that approach them proactively. I make sure to take a little extra time to be quiet: yoga, meditation, or a solo hike or run. I do a better job listening to my body even it that means going to bed before 9:00 p.m. I remind myself that the stress of transition is also temporary and that a new normal will once again be reached. I still experience transistance. We all do. But now I can face it with a smile.

How about you? Have you experienced any transitions lately? Did you have transistance? How do you cope with transitions?

What “Gone Girl” Can Teach Us About Marriage

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Spoiler alert: It is impossible to discuss the book Gone Girl without revealing some of the plot. It is an enjoyable read and one that is best if you enter with an unsullied mind. Please read the book before you read my post. Thanks!

Our first glimpse into Nick and Amy’s marriage is that of an outside observer. Marriages are never what they seem to the external world. The gentle man at work may be the enforcer at home. The confident woman strutting through the mall may be insecure behind closed doors. The couple that doesn’t touch much at the movies may spent hours intertwined once they return home. Nick and Amy wanted to project the image of a healthy marriage. A lie that slipped in through the cracks of the closed doors of their relationship.

Amy entered into the marriage as a character. She cast herself in the role of the “cool girl,” losing herself before the vows were even spoken. The facade wears thin, as all masks do, and she begins to blame her husband for a role she chose for herself. When the book opens, she has disappeared. At first, we shift the blame for her supposed abduction to her husband. Then we realize she is the one to blame for her own actions.

Obviously, the actions in the book are more extreme than in a usual marriage, but they still have ties to common marital issues. Amy completely subjugated herself for the relationship. For the image of a perfect marriage. When she realized she was unhappy, she chose to shift the blame for her actions to her partner that was unaware of her deceptions. She ran away to run from the persona she created. This pattern of failing to take responsibility for one’s own happiness and then blaming the spouse for the lack of contentment is all too common. Just as the pattern did not work too well for Amy, it doesn’t work in the real world either. You can disappear, but the unhappiness will be on your tail.

Amy was not the only weak link in the union. Rather than face his growing feelings of isolation and shame related to his failed career, Nick chose to seek attention in the arms of another. He tried to solve one problem by creating another. He also ran from the marriage, but his trek didn’t take him on the road.

Nick and Amy lived in a world of facades, more concerned about the illusions than the realities. In the end, they decide to settle for the illusion. It is an ending that has received much complaint and push-back. Perhaps because we want to believe that they can conjure up real love from the smoke and mirrors.

If we want real love in our lives, it has to start with authenticity. Be true to yourself and reveal yourself to your partner. Take responsibility for your actions and your own happiness. Love comes with imperfections and acceptance. Don’t get so carried away with the face of the marriage that is presented to the world that you forget to nurture it behind closed doors.

Gone Girl makes a much better read than Fifty Shades of Grey, but I still think the latter makes for a better party theme.

And now that you’ve read Gone Girl, check out Lessons From the End of a Marriage🙂

Truth and Consequences

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Thirty-Eight Snub

I now know what is going on my “book” board for at least the rest of this week – “Breaking Bad” (sticking with the “B” theme:) ).  The boyfriend and I watched seasons 1-3 last winter on Netflix and we are now watching the reruns of Season 4 on AMC in order to be properly prepared for the final season which begins this weekend. I love the acting, the drama, and the complex story lines, but I mainly find the show compelling for its psychology. I feel like it gives me a glimpse into the path that can take good people and break them into bad. It gives me a window into my ex-husband.

(This post will have some general spoilers, but obviously nothing past Season 3!)

Breaking Bad (season 3)

Walt, the primary character, is a 50-something high school chemistry teacher when he is diagnosed with a brain tumor. At first, he seems likable, normal even.  He is even-tempered and family-focused, a sharp contrast from what he becomes.  So what goes wrong?  He starts off slowly enough.  His first deception is to try to conceal his diagnosis while undergoing treatment, presumably to shield his pregnant wife from the stress of his cancer. This lie has a relatively short life as the effects of the disease become apparent, yet the precedent has been set.

Shortly thereafter, when the financial burdens of the treatment become too high for the family bear, Walt again turns to falsehoods when he pretends to accept money from a family friend but really begins manufacturing meth.  This time, the origins of the lie are not so rose-colored.  Walt refuses the money offered out of pride. He was looking out for his family, but he wanted to be the one in control.  Unlike the first lie, which was made to protect others, this one was made to shelter his own ego.

After beginning a life of crime, not surprisingly, the lies mounted.  His family had no knowledge of his secret profession and he had to tread carefully in order to keep them in the dark.  Not surprisingly, his relationship with his wife suffered as he had to distance himself to keep her from discovering his secrets. Lying became a habit for Walt. No one knew all his secrets; he sequestered different pieces in his different lives.

You can see the tension catching up with him at the same time the lies gain traction. It’s a vicious cycle – his sense of right and wrong diminishes with each lie, which leads to more appalling behaviors and actions, which then have to be concealed with more lies.  He’s in free fall and cannot halt his descent.

As the seasons continue, his family is drawn in as well.  They each become aware of some of the deceit and they begin to tell lies of their own to protect him. Deception effects everyone around you. The whole show is like some demented Rube Goldberg machine – you can pretty much tell how it’s going to end, but it isn’t clear how one piece influences the next until it is set into its unstoppable motion.

Machiavelli claimed that “the ends justify the means.” Walt seems to think in reverse; “the original intent justifies the means.” I’m not sure those caught in the webs of his lies would agree and they all spiral towards their ends.

As far as I know, my husband never had a brain tumor, manufactured meth, or taught high school chemistry, but I see some of him in Walt’s character.  Like Walt, I think my husband first lied out of fear and wanting to protect me.  I think he was also trying to shield his ego from the realities of a failing business.  The lies fed themselves and became ingrained.  It was his way of being and he took others along for the ride. He lied to try to dodge the repercussions of his choices and his actions.

But eventually, the truth came out.  And truth always has consequence.

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Psychology May be a Soft Science, But She Drives a Hard Bargain

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Statue of Pax in the garden of Pavlovsk Palace

I used to think that I could reason my way through anything.  I viewed psychology and the other soft sciences with derision, much preferring the absolutes of the harder sciences and mathematics.  I thought I could if-then my way through anything, repair any damage with deduction, and apply analytical reasoning to solve any dilemma.

I was wrong.

Psychology may be a soft science, but she drives a hard bargain.  She lets her influence be felt, even if her presence is ignored or denied.  We can try to avoid her, turning our minds away, but she is still there.  Influencing our thoughts, driving our behaviors, pressing on our insecurities.  We can pretend as though we are strong enough to not feel her sway, but it is an illusion. In fact, the more she is ignored, the more powerful she becomes.  She has the power to destroy, to eat from the inside out.  It is best to befriend her, to listen to her and try to understand.  Accept her ways and feel her influence.  Allow her intuition to soften deduction.  Embrace the feelings she shares with your analytical mind.  Welcome her and she will only make you stronger, reinforcing reasoning with her gentle touch.

Psychology may drive a hard bargain, but it’s a bargain you’ll want to take.

 

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Softness Isn’t Just For Selling Tissues

 

 

Mental Rehearsal vs. Expectations

Posted on by stilllearning2b

What is the difference between mental rehearsal of an event and creating expectations for the event?

All in the Mind (novel)
Image via Wikipedia

There has been quite a bit of research and discourse in the last few years about the nature and benefits of mental rehearsal for athletes and others in positions that require a demanding and skilled physical performance. They are trained to visualized their body working efficiently, picture themselves executing each move perfectly, and feel their mind and body in perfect harmony.

These visualization techniques have since been applied to other areas, demonstrating that mental rehearsal can be a powerful tool for success.  Cancer patients picture their T-cells squashing the invading cancer.  Surgeons mentally rehearse each step of a complicated procedure countless times before even touching the scalpel.  Public speakers view themselves giving their presentation, calm and confident.

For those undergoing a major life transition, visualization can help to calm anxiety and provide hope for the future.  You can mentally rehearse for your time in court, visualize yourself becoming whole and happy, see yourself in a new relationship.  All of this mental energy can help you on your path to healing.

In all cases, the most important aspect of visualization as a technique to improve performance or outcomes, is that is effectiveness depends upon one’s ability to be self-aware and monitor one’s responses to stimuli.

It is important to note, that in all of these examples, the strategy of mental rehearsal focuses on the individual’s performance, not the behaviors of those around him or her.  That is the primary distinction between mental rehearsal and expectations; the former depends upon actions that are largely under your control, whereas the latter is subject to the behaviors of others not under your jurisdiction.

It is all too easy to spend our mental energies building expectations.  This strategy will only lead to disappointment; however, as others can never live up to their fantasy counterparts.  Many times, our happiest moments are those that caught us unaware, before any expectations had a chance to take root.

Choose where you want to spend your mental energy: building expectations that can be dashed by others or rehearsing you being the best you possible.  I know where I try to focus my energies; in fact, I am seeing myself running an effortless ten miler this morning even though it’s frigid outside.  Now, let’s see if that image holds once I get that first blast of wind!