This is my latest post on MindBodyGreen. If you do not already practice yoga, this may convince you to start!
Curious
10 Life Lessons From the Dog Whisperer
Yes, I know what you’re thinking, “The Dog Whisperer? That guy deals with…dogs. What on earth could he teach me about life?” Remember that yours truly has found life and relationship lessons in barefoot running shoes, the actions (or lack thereof) of an elderly cat, a campground, and a fencing strip. Oh, and I’m married to a guy who learns about life from the dojo. So, see, life lessons from Cesar Millan is suddenly not so strange now, is it? Besides, his methods have worked to make my 95-lb pit bull the world’s best dog!
1) Energy Transfer
Whenever Cesar meets with a new case, he watches the owner(s) interact with the dogs. He pays more attention to the behavior of the owner than that of the dog. His claim is that anxiety or a lack of confidence in the owner transfers to the dog. He frequently says, “I rehabilitate dogs, but I train people.” In our lives apart from dogs, we also transfer or energy. If you find that you experience stress interacting with someone, check your own energy. What are you responsible for transferring?
2) Don’t Grip the Leash Too Tightly
This is an extension of the lesson above. When you watch the owners walk their troubled dogs, they grip the leash too tightly and pull with all their might if their dogs lunges at another dog. This is transferring the anxiety to dog, but even more importantly, it is giving power to the anxiety. In order to control the dog, the owner has to learn to let go of the illusion of control and has to begin to trust their dog.
3) Prepare for Greetings
Cesar always prepares the dogs carefully before allowing them to enter a dog park or greet other dogs. He makes sure that they are calm and submissive so that they are well-received by the rest of the pack. It is worthwhile to check your own mental state before greeting someone. I know I can come in from a stressful day and take it out on my boyfriend instead of pausing and waiting until my own mind was calm. And, no, I’m not recommending that you start greeting people by sniffing their butts!
4) Work With Nature
According to Cesar, dogs process the world through their noses first, followed by their ears and eyes. Obviously, we tend to use those senses in reverse and we all too often expect that from out pets. Cesar advocated working with the nature of the animal so that you get the results you are looking for with the least amount of resistance. Look around you. Not everyone perceives the world the way you do. Do you expect them to conform to you, or do you allow them to use their nature?
5) Be Aware of the Precursors
On the show, Cesar will often correct a dog when I cannot see any misbehavior. Until the sequence is played in slow motion, that is. Then, you can see a slight tuck of the tail or a tip of the ear, a slight precursor to the attack that is about to occur. Cesar is so successful because he recognizes and responds to these early warning signs. I know in my own life, I am often too busy to notice those little signs, much less respond so quickly to them.
6) Move Forward
When dealing with anxious or aggressive dogs, especially ones that he is trying to form a pack with, Cesar frequently begins by taking them for a walk or a rollerblade ride (I think he has a death wish here!). His reasoning is that when the dogs are moving forward, it is impossible for them to focus on anything else. Now, I do think our brains are more monkey-minded than our canine friends, but we can still benefit from forward movement to calm ourselves. So, when you are angry, sad, or anxious, try going for a walk. Or a rollerblade ride if you’re more daring than I!
7) Calm and Assertive
Cesar always works to get the dogs in a calm and submissive state. The counterpoint to that in the owners is a calm and assertive state. He is very kinesthetic and models what this looks like: shoulders back, head relaxed, arms relaxed. It projects confidence and a calm mind. When I feel stressed, I find myself emulating the body language of Cesar to trick my mind into responding.
8) Trust Your Senses
Cesar relies heavily on intuition; he does not spend too much time in the “thinky place.” He trusts his instincts and, when he needs extra information, he trusts the instincts of his pack as they give him feedback on a new dog. We all too often discount intuition and try to over-analyze everything. Sometimes, it is better to trust your gut or the gut of a friend if yours is out of order.
9) See the Possible
About once a month, I see an episode with a dog that I think is hopeless. Cesar doesn’t give up. Some cases take longer and take more effort, but they can all improve. He brings the worst cases to his ranch, where they are surrounded by a healthy and stable pack. This is a good lesson in our own lives when troubles seem insurmountable. Improvement is always possible. Learn from Cesar, if you need more help, surround yourself with those who are healthy and balanced. Their energy will transfer. And, if that doesn’t work, maybe try chasing a tennis ball.
10) Redirect With Play
Need I say more?
Woof! This post is Tiger-approved.
The End of the School Year
The end of the school year is always a gentle reminder that it is the nature of things to end. It is both a time for lamenting what has passed and celebrating the journey so far. It is a time for clearing out the old in order to make room for the unknown. It is a time for taking a respite, a breath, before the next chapter begins, as it always does, with new faces and new names. Familiar and yet foreign and the cycle begins anew.
There’s No Shame in Asking for Help
I have always been very independent. As a very young (and short) child, I would use household objects as tool in order to reach the light switches so that I would not have to depend upon anyone else. Overall, I believe that this trait has served me well. Until I got divorced, that is. Those first few weeks were hell on my body. I could not eat, causing my already slim frame to waste away to nothing. My ribs stood out in relief along my back. My body was racked with tremors, the anxiety too much for mere flesh and bones to contain. I did not sleep; my body refused to rest.
Those around me encouraged me to try medication. I resisted. I was determined to do this alone, without the aid of a pharmacy. Eventually, my body made the decision for me as days moved into weeks and I saw no improvement. I ended up with some substantial medication to help me eat and sleep (300 mg Trazadone, if you’re keeping count…and I could still push through that on many nights). I found peace with my decision to accept pharmaceutical assistance. Those pills allowed my body to function for the first 8 months. I let them go when I was able to go solo again.
There is no shame is asking for help. We accept the fact that those at the at the end of life and those at the beginning of life require assistance, yet we somehow believe that adults should be able to be independent. Divorce is the death of one life and the infancy of another. You will need help.
Here are three sources of help you may find you need:
1) Therapy
Depending upon your situation, your prior coping skills, and your support system, you may be in need of therapy. That is not a sign of weakness or a sign that you are crazy. You are going through one of the most stressful events that one can endure and you may not be prepared to handle it on your own. A therapist can be your guide down the road to healing. Don’t be afraid to try different approaches and different people until you find what works for you.
2) Medication
I had to face the difficult lesson that sometimes you can’t fix your body through sheer will. Medication may need to be investigated if you are unable to sleep or eat for a significant period or if sadness or anxiety are completely overwhelming. I know I was afraid of triggering dependency, as I felt that I was in a very vulnerable place. I discussed this with my doctor and so medications were chosen that were not considered high risk for abuse.
3) Time
Divorce is exhausting. Adding to that, you have to adapt to your new responsibilities, navigate the court system, and somehow find time to process the whole mess. This is a time when taking some leave from work is acceptable; your self-work needs to take priority for a while. If you are parent, ask someone to watch the kids so that you can have some time alone.
It is far better to temporarily suffer the embarrassment and discomfort of asking for help than to permanently suffer in silence. Ask for a hand, and let it guide you through.


