My Favorite Gifts

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Christmas is a season with conflicted values – spiritual butting up against the material. Many of us (and I’m including myself) struggle with trying to find the balance between the commercial and the intent. Perhaps we can find a place where both can reside.

I looked back at my favorite gifts that I have received over the past few years. Some have monetary value. Some do not. All have meaning and have enriched my life well beyond the space under the tree.

Kitchen Floor

Gift: Kitchen Floor

Giver: Sarah

Significance: When I was hit with the tsunami divorce, my friend Sarah immediately offered me safe harbor in her home for a year. I gratefully accepted, renting the guest bedroom and a corner of the bonus room. Her home, with her husband and new baby, was a very special place. It was filled with the sounds of life and it was a space where I felt safe and protected. During that year, we spent untold hours in the kitchen, me on the floor (often with the baby) while Sarah was cooking (an art I had not yet mastered). Those kitchen sessions were filled with conversations about everything and nothing. We laughed and cried, often at the same time. That floor was the gift of listening.

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Gift: Running clothes

Giver: My ex (before he was the ex)

Significance:  I didn’t start running until I turned 30. It quickly became a passion of mine and my mileage began to creep up. At that time, I had been used to working out in our home gym. I didn’t own much in the way of exercise clothing, yet I was too cheap to invest in any, especially items that could handle the Georgia heat. My ex surprised me with three pairs of Underarmor running shorts and a few tech fabric shirts. Those items allowed me to run more comfortably and on a more frequent basis. I still wear them all the time. Those clothes are the gift that remind me that, at one time, my ex cared.

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Gift: Bamboo cutting board

Giver: Carissa, a friend

Significance: This was given to me at the time I was moving from Sarah’s house into my own apartment. In my previous life, I never did much cooking. It seemed like a waste of time to me. Carissa and Sarah both showed me the healing power of food and the pleasure that can be found through preparing a nourishing meal for myself and others. I am still no hostess, but I now prepare meals on a frequent basis and share my food and knowledge with others. This was a gift of nourishment.

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Gift: Action Potential Wellness sign

Giver: my dad

Significance: Change spurs more change. After I survived the tsunami, I decided I wanted to move into wellness coaching. I spent a year doing the certifications and other preparation. Finally, it was time to decide on a name and a logo. I emailed the JPEG to my dad and, much to surprise and delight, he had it made into a fabric banner. This sign has practical uses but, more than anything, it was a message that my dad believed in me.

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Gift: handwritten cards

Giver: students (current and former)

Significance: I was a horrible math student (although I excelled at school overall and I had terrible experiences with math teachers. I was drawn to math education so that I could help students like me – bright, but had trouble communicating with algebra. Every year of the 11 I’ve taught, I receive Christmas cards (sometimes hastily written on torn out notebook paper)  from my students. Many express how they finally like math. How they understand more than ever before. And how they have confidence in themselves to push past difficulties. Every year I cry. Those cards are the gift that tells me I matter.

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Gift: iPod

Giver: Kay, a family friend

Significance: Kay is sort of like an aunt to me. She is friends with my mom and used to join us for holidays and outings. She was my designated “watcher” when I was in high school and my mom was out of town. She has been in my life since childhood and has had a significant impact on me. After the divorce, I received an iPod from Kay along with a Nike iFit sensor. She had “go Lisa go. here’s to new beginnings” engraved on the back. That iPod has been my constant companion and has traveled with me as I’ve run countless miles. It was a gift of moving forward.

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Gift: GPS

Giver: Kay again:)

Significance: Kay was upgrading her GPS and passed the previous one down to me. Before the divorce, I would borrow my husband’s when I needed one (For those of you unfamiliar with Atlanta roads, a GPS is very useful here. Traffic is terrible, everything is named Peachtree, and the city is so spread out that it is impossible to be familiar with it all.) The GPS gave me the freedom to travel to new areas to meet friends or dates (!) without fear of getting lost or getting into a wreck while trying to read a map. It was a gift of freedom.

Patio

Gift: Patios

Giver: my mom

Significance: I traveled to San Antonio to visit my mom during the second spring break after the divorce. We both craved some mother-daughter time that was not centered around lawyers and tears. We embarked upon a week-long patio tour of San Antonio, eating and drinking our way across the outdoor eateries of the city. We talked, we giggled, we enjoyed the creative concoctions of Texas mix masters. We joked about creating an app that ranked patios based upon ambiance, menu, and libations. We still haven’t gotten around to it. I think we need to test more first… 🙂 Those patios were a gift of family.

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Gift: Jeans

Giver: Christian, a friend

Significance: Okay, first, these are not just any jeans. These are two pairs of tight, ripped, sexy jeans. After the divorce, I felt anything but sexy. My weight had dropped to dangerous levels and I barely registered that I had a body at all. Christian and I met in a Starbucks the morning after my first ever race. We hit it off and spent the next 12 hours together. A couple of weeks later, he surprised me with the jeans. They fit. Oh, did they fit. I felt like a woman again for the first time in months. It was a gift of sexy and inner confidence.

Image representing MacBook Air as depicted in ...

Gift: computer

Giver: me

Significance: Until a year ago, I had been using a hand-me-down computer from my ex. It was littered with his programs, much of which was protected by passwords I did not know or needed dongles I did not have. I hated seeing his name appear on registrations and stumbling across old pictures and audio files. I put up with it because I did not have the money for a new machine. Things became critical last year when I was unable to update any of the programs or the operating system any longer due to the machine’s advanced age (2005, I think). I used some of the money refunded to me by the IRS for innocent spouse relief to purchase an 11″ Macbook Air. I love this thing. It is small enough to fit in my purse so that I can work in the park or in a coffee shop, yet it is fully functional. This machine has made my writing of the past year possible. It was a gift of voice.

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Gift: Hand carved picture frame

Giver: Brock

Significance: Brock and I stayed in a cabin in the North Georgia mountains during our first Thanksgiving together (this was the inspiration for our camping tradition).  That fall was when we really were becoming a couple. We were beginning to open up more and we were beginning to believe in a future together. In fact, that trip is when we became a team. Brock was on a mission that trip to find and cut a perfect walking stick. During our day long hikes, he was constantly stopping to slash down dead tree limbs to test them for viability. I think he went through a dozen sticks before he found the one. That Christmas, I opened a box that contained a picture of us on that trip surrounded by a frame made out of that walking stick. In it, he had carved “11/24/10 Ellijay,GA.” It was a gift of love and hope for the future.

 

Lessons From the Canyon

Posted on by stilllearning2b

We just returned from our annual Thanksgiving camping trip.The car is unpacked, the boots are off, and the washing machine is steadily rinsing away any traces of campfire smoke. The trip may be over, but there are lessons and memories still to savor.

Apparently the picnic table is more comfortable than the cold, hard ground!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We looked for a gator but never found one even though the tracks were everywhere!

I was booking the reservations this year just as we faced our first real cold snap, thus I chose to find a campground near the Georgia-Alabama border not too far from Florida instead of our usual Smokey Mountain haunts. This was the first time I’ve ever been camping where the signs cautioned us to be aware of alligators rather than bears!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We stayed at Florence Marina State Park but our primary destination was Providence Canyon, a state park that is affectionately know as “The Little Grand Canyon.”

Providence Canyon

I had an interview with Sean Moffett on Wednesday afternoon, so we didn’t get into the campground until right before dusk.We had about 30 minutes to set up camp and get a fire going for dinner, all while my stomach was making it very clear that I missed lunch. Luckily, we’ve been camping together several times before so we pretty much have camp set-up down to a science.

Lesson 1: The more you do something, the easier it becomes.

The lake/river/reservoir (I swear, every sign called it something different!) at Florence Marina State Park

After dinner, we spent some time sitting in front of the fire. I could tell I was wound up. I was impatient and kind of snappy. I wrote recently about being overwhelmed, and I was letting that get to me again. It’s been a busy fall with trips and events (for example, we just flew back in from Baltimore late Monday night and I had to be ready for camping by Wednesday morning). On top of those logistical challenges, I’m also having to adjust to some of the (very cool and completely surreal) opportunities that have been coming my way since I published the book. As a result of all of this, I’ve had a more difficult time than usual managing anxiety the last couple months.

Lesson 2: Just removing yourself from the situation does not remove yourself from the mindset.

So, there I was, fed and warm sitting next to a campfire with my boys and I was still stressed and irritable. Brock and I talked through things and he came up with three action points to help going forward when I am in similar situations: 1) Learn to say “no,” 2) Learn to delegate, and 3) use a key word to let him know when I’m close to meltdown. I thought this last idea was genius as I’ve tried to communicate to him when I’m feeling close to the breaking point, but he often doesn’t comprehend the magnitude at the time.

Who needs turkey?

Eventually, we made our way to the tent and promptly fell asleep. At some point during the night, I awoke to the sound of footsteps on the fallen leaves just outside the tent. As I woke Brock, I recognized a familiar snuffling sound right by my head. I looked down to Tiger’s bed in the corner of the tent and realized it was empty. Our dog had pushed open the zippered door with his nose, exited the tent, and could not figure out how to return.

Lesson 3: You can prepare but you cannot control.

Brock and I have worked with Tiger extensively to the point where he is frequently off leash. This training meant that when he did get out, he stayed close and came right back.

That’s my vest on the left and Tiger’s on the right. Can you tell who has a bigger torso? 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After breakfast the following morning, we headed just a few miles down the road to Providence Canyon. The canyon is not a natural formation, rather it was formed due to poor farming practices in the early to mid 19th century.

Lesson 4: Big things can have small beginnings.

The land originally consisted of gently rolling wooded hills. The early cotton farmers cleared the land of all existing vegetation and dug shallow furrows into the soil every planting season. Erosion took care of the rest. Now, almost 200 years later, the canyons are 150 feet deep and and growing wider by 3-5 feet each year.

I wonder what the farmers would make of this?!?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s wild to realize that the road leading to the park as well as the park buildings will be swallowed up by the canyon within my lifetime.

Lesson 5: Always be ready to adjust.

The continually retreating fence line.

We made our way down into the canyon floor. Up close, it was apparent that the canyon walls are more sand dune than stone.

Lesson 6: Impressive exteriors can conceal weak interiors.

There are signs everywhere warning hikers not to climb the canyon walls. I only slightly broke the rules:)

I even made it back down the hill!

Once the scale of the erosion became clear, people tried to slow the effects.

Kudzu was planted in the mid 20th century to try to anchor the soil.

Lesson 7: There is a tipping point where momentum becomes inevitability.

A more recent attempt to slow the collapse of the canyon walls. You can see that erosion is winning the battle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Although the walls of the canyons are washing away, the depth remains fairly constant because it consists of a denser and harder stone than the chalk-like walls.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lesson 8: Sometimes the surface needs to be washed away to reveal what is underneath.

Providence Canyon is in many ways a man-made geological catastrophe. However, rather than simply hide it away, the state has chosen to turn it into a park that celebrates its beauty and also educates the public about its root causes.

Lesson 9: Don’t be afraid to celebrate the beauty that comes from devastation while learning how to avoid it in the future.

It’s impossible to deny the beauty.

We came across an old homestead identified by the following sign.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lesson 10: We are more adaptable than we realize.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
We saw many interesting landmarks along the trail.

It’s difficult to see in the lighting, but these are two trees that have grown together at points.

 

Lesson 11: We can grow together yet still be distinct and independent.

Unfortunately, we had to cut our trip short and forgo our planned second day of hiking since Tiger injured his foot.

Morning playtime with the boys

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lesson 12: It’s okay to play even if you’re hurt.

 

Providence has its appointed hour for everything. We cannot command results, we can only strive.
Mahatma Gandhi

I am going to strive for continued peace and serenity through the weekend:)

Tiger is just going to sleep!

Can you say ‘spoiled dog’? 🙂

 

 

 

I May Not Be Traditional

Posted on by stilllearning2b
Camp
Camp (Photo credit: kellec)

My boyfriend and I went camping on our first two Thanksgivings together. Neither one of us have family in town and we are physically unable to fragment ourselves enough to visit everyone spread across the country. So we don’t try.

We love our camping trips.  It is a wonderful time to disconnect and reconnect. To slow down and savor. To shiver in the crisp (okay, frigid) morning air and cuddle up in the sleeping bag at night. The coffee tastes better and the showers are somehow more cleansing even though the space is shared with daddy longlegs. The computers are left behind and the other devices only get turned on to play music while we make dinner or play cards or perhaps to check the latest Ravens score. It’s invigorating and relaxing.

But it also takes work. Preparation. Reservations and packing. Shopping and cooking. I get a week off for Thanksgiving and this year we are flying to my boyfriend’s hometown for the first half. As I was looking at the calender, I was realizing the short turn-a-round between that trip and the discussed camping trip. I was just about to question the wisdom of the latter when my boyfriend, apparently reading my mind, said, “We have to go. It’s tradition.”

He’s right. We went on our first Thanksgiving together and it was a time to get to know one another apart from the distractions of life. The second year we went despite being sick and in the middle of a move. We learned how to work together as a team even when neither one of us were at our best. And, this year we will go again. I am not sure what lessons this trip will hold.

8 Lessons From the Campground

But I’ve already learned one. Traditions are important. They bind and anchor relationships, whether with family, children, or partners. They are a certainty, a known, a home to go back to. In divorce, you lose many of your traditions along with your spouse. Let that create the space needed to make new ones.

As for me, I may not be traditional by trading turkey for trail mix, but I love my tradition in the mountains and the woods.

How about you? What are some of your favorite traditions?

 

8 Lessons From the Campground

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Mere days before Thanksgiving, my partner and I found out we had to move within 30 days because his house had just sold.  We had been planning a camping trip over the break and our initial reaction was to cancel the trip, so that we could focus on the move.  I am so glad that we decided to continue with the trip.  Not only did we have a good time and enjoyed the time together, but it actually made the move less stressful because we had lessons that we took with us from the campground.

1) Teamwork Required

One of the best aspects about camping is that it requires teamwork.  Assembling a large tent is a,most an impossibility single-handedly, but becomes a fun challenge when tackled by two.  We quickly fell into a rhythm, working together, sharing some tasks and dividing others.  He would brave the early morning frost to get the fire started so that we could prepare breakfast.  I faced the frigid waters to clean the dishes of their breakfast remnants.  The dog, well, he just laid there shivering in a sleeping bag looking pitiful. We functioned as a team.

2) Take Pleasure in the Smallest Things

When camping, you certainly have to do without many of life’s modern conveniences.  However, because your expectations are in line with reality, it is not necessary a bad thing to leave that behind.  You learn to appreciate the smallest achievements, the tiniest bit of warmth, a few steps on level ground.  You don’t know when your next bit of pleasure will arrive, so you celebrate each moment of it that comes your way.  And, just so you know, Starbucks VIA works great at a campsite; that first sip of coffee each brisk morning was heaven.

3) Surroundings Don’t Impact You as Much as You Think

I have always been sensitive to my surroundings; I need things “just so” so that I can work or relax.  This can be a problem when moving, because some amount of chaos and disorder is inevitable.  The campground was organized for functionality.  We certainly had beautiful views, but they were not to be had in our immediate surroundings.  But it was okay.  Happiness is not found in a campground that looks beautiful, but is devoid of soul.  I learned to release some of my obsession with my surroundings; they don’t matter as much as I think.

4)Take Breaks

We spent each day on long hikes up nearby mountains.  We had our goal of reaching the tops, of course, but we planned each day with plenty of time to get there.  As a result, we were able to take breaks whenever and wherever we chose.  These are some of my favorite memories of the trip; the times sitting on the side of a mountain, looking out over the vistas, my boys by my side.  Immense pleasure can be found in those moments between activity.

5) Share Burdens

Long day hikes require a decent amount of supplies, especially when your partner insists on bringing survival gear:)  We shared the load, distributing the weight so that no one person had too much to bear.  Even the dog has to carry his part.  There is no reason that any burden has to be carried alone; you can even share the load with your dog if need to.

6)  Uphills are Balanced by Downs

Some of those hikes felt like they were uphill both ways, but any loop or out-and-back will have a net elevation change of zero.  Just like on the trails, we are often more aware of the uphills in life, but remember that they are balanced by the downhills.  Make an effort to notice the times the path is easy.

7) Use Your Resources

This is where my partner really shines.  When we realized that one of the tent stakes had broken when we were assembling the nylon beast, he grabbed some supplies from his pack and some sticks from the woods and quickly fashioned a replacement within minutes.  Before declaring a situation beyond hope, look around you and see what you can utilize to help.

8)  It Takes Effort to Gain Perspective

Our campsite was located at the base of Table Rock Mountain, its visage towering over us in all its granite splendor.  Our first day was spent preparing the campground, we were in our little insular world.  The next afternoon after a long, uphill climb, we reached elevation where we could see our campsite and how it related to the larger landscape.  We tend to live life in its details and forget to look at the big picture.  It takes effort to gain perspective, but a climb to the top gives valuable information.  It’s worth checking out now and then.

We took those lessons with us into the move and we try to carry them with us all of the time.

Taming the Monkey Mind: Graduation Day

Posted on by stilllearning2b

This all started with a 28 day meditation challenge.  It has actually been 32 days since I began; I added a few days to make up for the two that I missed during my camping trip.

So, I guess the first question should be if I consider my monkey mind trained after a month of formal education?  I’m not sure if I can claim a fully tamed monkey, but it certainly more well-behaved.  During meditation, my mind still tries to escape to planning mode every few breaths, but I find that I am able to bring it back much easier and almost without thought.  It no longer protests being brought back to breath.  In daily life, my mind is much calmer, less prone to anxiety, and much more aware and present in the moment.  That’s not to say that there aren’t moments where my monkey mind is running about its cage, shrieking and throwing things at the passers by, but luckily for all us, those moments have reduced in frequency.

Just because my monkey-mind has graduated from this program, he is not done with his education.  In fact, this was simply a starting point.  I am going to continue on this journey, me and my monkey mind, with a zen mind, a beginner’s mind.  I have found that I have more curiosity towards the practice of meditation than before.  It draws me now.  I have gone from letting it slip away from me to making it a part of me. I plan (uh oh, there’s that word) to continue daily practice and to experiment with different techniques.  I want to read more on the subject to gain new perspectives and to help put words to what I have already found.  Shhh…please don’t tell my monkey mind that he doesn’t get a summer break; he might get a bit upset.

It’s time to enroll in continuing education.  And the best part?  No student loans required for this course!

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