Ruminating vs. Processing. Do You Know the Difference?

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I often find that people are confused about the difference between ruminating on the past and processing the past. They think they are doing one when, in reality, they are often doing more of the other. I can see where the confusion exists – both ruminating and processing involve thinking about (and perhaps talking about) the past.

And that’s about where the similarities end.

So then what does separate ruminating from processing?

Ruminating

tangleRumination starts in the past and it stays in the past. It starts with thought and it stays with thought. It is time spent pondering the “what ifs” and playing choose-your-own-adventure with experiences now past. Rumination gets you nowhere. It has no goal and no purpose apart from endlessly exploring those well-tread mental paths. It can be a trap as its labyrinthine cords bind you to your past. Rumination thrives on recursive thought, one idea leading you to the next and to the next with no external input.

It’s easy to ruminate. Trigger a sad memory and this can easily be the default setting initiated. It’s the automatic pilot of the traumatized mind. It takes no energy to sustain and, in fact, requires energy to break out of its insidious cycle. Excessive rumination may be a sign of depression. If you find that you are having difficulty breaking out of the cycle, seek help. It’s out there.

Processing

smoothProcessing may initiate from the past, but it is then future-focused. It begins with thought and then continues in action. Unlike the unfocused meandering of rumination, processing is directed. There is an end goal in mind and steps are taken to reach that intention.

When you’re processing, you’re not just going over it.

You’re making sense of it.

It’s difficult to process. First, you have to summon the courage to face things you would rather bury and leave for dead. Then, you have to be willing to take responsibility not only for your part in whatever happened, but also for your well-being going forward. The past must be examined for patterns and connections. New input needs to be considered and assumptions dropped; the well-worn mental paths may indeed be missteps and it might be time to carve some new ones. Those memories can be combed through until sense is made and the endless loops are broken.

And then comes the hardest part. Processing requires action.

It’s not just your thoughts that need to change in order to release the past.

You do.

Get Fit Virtual Event

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Discover the #1 shared secret that super achievers like Oprah, Richard Branson and Bill Gates link to their success

Do you have any idea what top performers in all walks of life have in common?

(Think about that for a moment!)

You might say they’re all brilliant or that they have amazing focus and determination. 

(Perhaps!)

But I’m sure you also know many high achievers who couldn’t make it through high school, let alone college.

(So you know it’s not just smarts!)

 

What is it then?

 

Believe it or not, it’s Fitness!

(And anyone can apply this to their own life for maximum benefit!)

 

Imagine what you could accomplish if you were totally Fit in Body, Mind and Spirit!

 

I’m excited to tell you that I’m part of an amazing video summit that teaches you exactly how to get Fit! You will learn how to tune into your body, your mind and your spirit to get whatever your heart desires!

 

Introducing this Special Video Summit hosted by my friend and colleague,

Dawn Berube:

Get Fit Virtual Event: Your #1 Resource to Achieve Your Goals, Cross That Finish Line and Stay Fit For Life!

And it’s free! Sign up here now.

 

Dawn and her speakers are inspiring!  Dawn shows you how to overcome whatever is holding you back from reaching your highest goals! You’ll learn how Dawn was able to transform a traumatic experience in her 20’s into a career and fulfilling life she lives today. Now as an exercise physiologist, personal trainer, running & swimming coach and meditation instructor, she knows the secret to getting fit and she can’t wait to share it with you.

Her message is simple. Get Fit. Be Empowered. Achieve Your Goals.

You Can Do It!

This doesn’t mean you aren’t already amazing. It just means learning to apply the secrets that top-performers apply to fulfill your dreams. This summit will show you how to do it!

Claim your seat at the video summit.

I join 21 amazing experts who share their insider secrets to getting Fit with you. You’ll get the inside track to feeling fit and fabulous in your body, your mind and your spirit to live an empowered life!

 

Join me and get FREE Access to the Get Fit Virtual Event: Your #1 FREE Resource to Achieve Your Goals, Cross The Finish Line and Stay Fit For Life.

Start your journey today.

 

Join me today!

 

P.S. Interviews will be released one a day for 21 days starting immediately. Don’t miss out on this transformational opportunity! http://www.getfitvirtualevent.com/lisaarends

Progressive Resistance

Posted on by stilllearning2b

On your first day stepping foot in a gym, you’re probably not going to try to pick up these.

 

dumbells4-294x300

 

More likely, you assess your starting point and gravitate towards some weights that will challenge you a little.

But not too much.

Maybe something like this:)

pink-dumbbell

As time progresses and you become stronger, those little weights begin to feel puny. They are no longer a struggle as you become stronger.

So, you apply the theory of progressive resistance, trading in your little weights for some that are just a little bigger still.

body-solid-GDR10-dumbbell-rack

And a strange thing happens as you progress to heavier and heavier weight.

If you do it right, the resistance always feels about the same.

Not because the weights aren’t changing,

But because you are.

 

It would be nice if life progressed like sessions at the gym.

But that’s rarely the case.

Often, you’re humming along, happily curling your 1 pound weights when life suddenly drops this in your lap-

dumbells4-294x300

And expects you to lift it.

 

Life’s challenges rarely come with a warm-up.

We usually don’t have the prior warning to begin training for the challenge.

The trial simply appears. And we either have to figure out how to lift it.

Or we end up crushed.

 

You can wail it’s not fair.

Or complain that it’s impossible.

Or you can get to work.

 

Take it apart. Break it down into manageable pieces. You can lift anything if you make it small enough.

Enlist a buddy. Ask for help. A load is lightened by many hands.

View your challenge compared to others. It may not be as heavy as it looks. Perspective has a way of making mountains into molehills. 

Tackle your trials a little at a time. Each experience will make you stronger for the next. Celebrate your growth.

Ignore the impossible for a time and build yourself. Get better, get stronger and then come back and show it who’s boss.

Seek out the experts. Learn how to lift and how to breathe. A little guidance can go a long way.

 

Progressive resistance teaches us that it’s okay to get there in baby steps.

That struggle is rewarded with strength.

And that there is no burden we cannot lift given enough time and enough effort.

 

So when life throws these at you,

dumbells4-294x300

 

get busy training.

body-solid-GDR10-dumbbell-rack

 

How to Love And Be Loved After Divorce

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I’ve always hated the term “baggage.”

 

It implies that that some people are more trouble than they’re worth because of what has happened in their pasts. That those of us who have had the misfortune of cheating exes or tumultuous divorces are somehow doomed by our experiences. It assumes that our histories are our destinies and that we carry our traumas like an anchor around the neck.

 

Yet the dismissive term of “baggage” ignores the fact that those who have experienced relationship trauma can often make wonderful partners that are more attuned and adept at monitoring and using emotions. That rather than just “getting over it,” many choose to “learn from it,” becoming better and stronger than ever before.

 

Life is not about what happened to us. It’s about how we choose to respond to what happens.

It’s not the baggage that matters. It’s all in how you carry it.

 

My now-husband had every right to run when he first heard my story. At the time we met, I was at the tail end of a very difficult divorce and taking the first shaky steps into my new life. I was no longer shock raw from my ex’s abandonment and betrayals, but I was nowhere near healed. Triggers would lie in wait, ready to pounce when I least expected it. I was overly sensitive in some areas and still numb in others. I wanted to be healed and was making active progress, but the finish line was still far in the distance.

 

And yet even with all of that, my now-husband didn’t run.

 

Instead, he helped me find my way to healed. He didn’t take the steps for me, but he cheered me. Pushed me. Rendered aide when needed. And waited patiently while I journeyed the course.

 

If you are in a partnership with someone who is still healing from a past relationship, you need to know the following:

Read read the rest on The Good Men Project.

So Last Year, This Happened

Posted on by stilllearning2b

So last year, this happened. And it wasn’t pretty. My first reaction was more shock than anything. And it got worse before it got better. That night was the longest I had endured in years. It was like four years of healing had been erased in a few moments. Somehow, I made it through the next day at work and, after some self-care that evening, I was even able to poke fun at the encounter.

And this weekend is the anniversary and I’m going back to the scene. And I think I’m okay. The first time is the worst and, even if it happens again, it will be easier than it was then.

Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself.

It’s not as though there has been enough repeated exposure to lessen the shock value. It’s not like the other triggers that I have slowly erased with the aide of time and layering. This is different. This one is alive. Or at least was a year ago.

Last year, I was surprised.

This year, I’m anticipating.

And I don’t like that.

It reminds me of the early months, when I always kept my eyes peeled and my guard up.

I don’t want to live that way again.

Even for a day.

So I am going to do my best to enjoy the day. Be in the moment. Not worry about what may happen and how I’ll respond. Because I know that I’ll be okay regardless of what transpires. I’ve faced that dragon and slayed it. And, if I have to, I’ll slay it again. I’ve gotten pretty good at that particular battle.

And to my ex, if you are by some chance reading this, please stay home this weekend. I’d really appreciate it.