This review is from: Lessons From the End of a Marriage (Kindle Edition)
I purchased this book after reading an article by the author about having symptoms of PTSD after sudden and unexpected spousal abandonment, something that I was unfortunate enough to experience a few months ago. The article really slow to me and I decided to buy the book to read the author’s story.
The book is beautifully written and extremely engrossing. I couldn’t put it down. Although it is written from a female perspective, I found a lot to relate to as a man. In the end, this book validated my feelings and offered me great hope for the future.
5.0 out of 5 stars Phoenix Rising, November 21, 2012
Phoenix rising from the ashes is a myth conveying an inherent message. “LESSONS…” is a true story. It is poignant story, yet the lessons herald inspiration and hope. It is the bona fide story of a real Phoenix who, in the crux of tsunamic devastation, determined to transcend that moment! “LESSONS From the End of a Marriage” is FOR ANY and EVERY ONE who seeks to know that it is possible to sift through cataclysmic debris, and not only rise and walk… YES! You can even run through mud and fire!
The author’s writing style is raw gut honest, laced with sparks of wit and ever-growing wisdom. You’ll find out that it’s ok to crumble, cry, rage, curse… because then you will also find yourself able to laugh, hope, believe, love and live — stronger, better, healthier and more fully alive than before!
Read Lisa Arends story and realize that it is indeed possible to metamorphose tragedy into triumphs!
Read “LESSONS…” and learn more about what Lisa has to offer you! She not only tells a riveting story, she walks her talk and wants nothing more than for you to be encouraged to actualize your full potential. You will see that it is possible to not only survive, you can soar by learning to see life from perspectives that will empower you to live your life with a vibrance and appreciation like never before! And you don’t have to turn into a vampire 🙂
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Couldn’t Put It Down, October 17, 2012
This is an extraordinarily well written book that looks into the mind and heart of a woman whose life topples, but who finds the strength to not only get it back, but learn from it and thrive. One doesn’t have to have a troubled marriage, or a marriage on the brink, to be captivated by this book. I took away many insights that remain with me. GREAT BOOK; GREAT READ.
So, I know the whole idea of meditation is to unplug. To turn off the phone and put away the computer. I get it. I’m just not very good at it. Instead of fighting technology, I’ve learned to use it to help tame my monkey mind, especially on those days when it is acting particularly unruly. The following are my favorite ways to plug in and unwind:
I love this site. It has thousands of hours (I’m guessing – I haven’t counted:) ) of high quality yoga instruction that can be selected by difficulty, time and emphasis. They are also growing a database of meditation videos. I find that I gravitate towards these when I’m looking for something longer and more interesting than my standard fare. The meditations are all guided and are quite interesting and varied. (free 2 week trial and $18/month for unlimited use for meditation and yoga)
This is my go-to. There are many different soundtracks to choose from – everything from chants to nature sounds. There is also a mixer so you can customize your own personal blend. I love the quick timer that I can easily set for a variety of times, even if I don’t play any music (this especially happens when I can listen to real rain outside the window!). There are no guided meditations. It’s just simple, easy to use and high quality. ($.99)
I read about this website and app in Lifehacker (which I also love but it doesn’t technically tame my monkey mind!) the other day. This is meditation for dummies. It comes in preslugged durations, starting at 5 minutes. Each one is guided and follows a similar script. As with the app above, you can select your background sounds, although they are not as varied. I have found that this app is excellent for the days when I am struggling to get my monkey mind to sit still long enough to slip on the headphones. (free or $4.99 for the full version)
This nifty little app sounds a gong at predetermined times to remind you to quickly graph your mood and tag it with key words. It is designed to help you identify your triggers both for positive and negative moods. I also use the chime as a reminder to be mindful and present. I have it set to go off at two of the craziest times of my day – in the middle of homeroom where 30 kids and a handful of adults are competing for my attention and at 5:00 pm when I get home. ($1.99)
My monkey mind is tired and is ready to shut down the computer and plug in the headphones. I just hope I can teach him to stop chewing on the cord:)
If you have read my book, please consider writing a review on either Amazon or Barnes and Noble. Many of you have shared your thoughts with me privately. I have loved hearing about what you gained from the book and I know that others would also benefit from hearing your response. Reviews, especially for unknown and self-published authors, are hugely important as they help to increase the visibility and legitimacy of a new book. A huge thank you to all of you for all your support! I very much appreciate it!
Oh, and if you haven’t read it, what are you waiting for? :)P
I’ve been time traveling lately. I should have known this was a risk when I picked up the audio version of The Time Traveler’s Wife from the local library to carry me to and from work. I guess the book should have come with a warning label that time travel is a possible side effect.
My own journey started a few weeks ago when I was contacted by a producer for The Jeff Probst Show. After several phone conversations, they invited me to do the show and informed me that a field production team would be at my house in three days to do part of the shoot and would be flown out to Los Angeles to do the show the following Tuesday. This was my first jolt through time; those three days past in a blink as I went shopping for an outfit, got my hair done (sorry Great Clips, had to upgrade this one), and prepared my classroom for a sub.
This is my normal name plate.
This was my name plate at the show. Surreal!
The field team showed up on Saturday afternoon. I immediately loved the field producer, a guy that used to work with Jeff on Survivor. (As an aside, my mom asked if I would do Survivor. My response? “I feel like I already have!”) He made me feel comfortable from the outset (not an easy task as I was preparing to film my first-ever real television experience). It was decided that I should don running clothes (so much for the carefully selected outfit 🙂 ) and that we would film at one of my running paths. I perched on a bench, surround by booms and cameras, while the producer knelt over a trash can (his stint on Survivor came in handy here!) just off camera to meet me at eye level. He led me through my story. I split in two at this point, one part of me reliving the early days of the courtship and marriage with my ex and the other sitting on a bench in a park that has only been known to me in my new life working on a project the old me could never have envisioned. The producer was amazing. He was gentle as he led me through the landmines of my past. He even teared up at one point.
Not a normal feature in my living room:)
As we lost our light, we moved back to the house to finish shooting. At one point, old wedding photos sat in current, re-purposed frames on my kitchen island. It was a shock, the past colliding with the present on the counter top. It was the first (and probably only) time my boyfriend has ever seen a picture of the ex-husband. It’s not like I keep his visage over the fireplace 🙂 All in all, it was a great day that left me exhausted and exhilarated.
Tuesday brought the literal time travel as I flew for almost 5 hours yet the clock told me it had been only 2. The last time I had been in L.A., I was about 11 and I was with my dad. I was convinced I was going to see Jon Bon Jovi on that trip. This time, I wasn’t concerned about seeing any 80’s rockers, I just wanted dinner…err…lunch. I had sure changed in the intervening years since that childhood visit, but Hollywood Boulevard is apparently resistant to time as it looked and smelled about the same.
I was in bed by 7:00 that evening, determined not to shift my sleep schedule for a one night stay. Of course, this meant I was up by 3:00 even though I wasn’t going to be picked up until 8:30. That left plenty of time for yoga. And nervousness. Which led to more yoga:)
Everyone at the studio was amazing. They were all super friendly, über professional, and very real. I got the sense they they cared about their product, cared about each other, and even cared about me. It was a surreal feeling being led to my own greenroom instead of my classroom. I had my hair and makeup done when I would have been teaching equations. Strange. It turns out though that teaching was good preparation for this. I was complemented a few times that I was easy to work with since I talked in sound bites. I had to laugh and explain that it’s natural for me now since I teach 8th grade. They blank out after a couple sentences. I also wasn’t nervous about being in front of an audience. Jeff’s studio holds just under 150 people. Adults. That is so much easier than a cafeteria full of middle schoolers!
What I was nervous about was my story. They came up with an ingenious idea to start the segment that upped the drama and also upped my emotion. That was time travel in the most powerful way. It instantly took me back.
The show went well and oh-so fast. I barely remember the last segment after Jeff surprised me with some current information about my ex-husband. I walked off stage when it was over and made it back to my green room. Another team came followed me in to do an additional interview for their website based on some of the lessons from my book. It was so strange seeing my book in stranger’s hands.
If you have not seen The Jeff Probst Show yet, don’t wait any longer – set your DVR to record. It’s different than other daytime shows. Each episode has a theme and the guests’ connections to the theme may not be readily apparent (it kind of reminds me of the board game Tribond). Throughout every show, the focus is on facing your fears and living authentically and with adventure in your heart. It’s relatable feel-good with with wit.
I soon was headed back to the airport and further time travel. Just for the record, I can’t stand flying from the West coast to the East. The flight was faster due to the tail wind, but my 2:00 flight didn’t get me home until almost 11:00. Okay, pouting over.
After the craziness of last week week where I talked about my past in my present to help provide for my future, life is beginning to settleback to normal. Sort of. I’m talking to other producers.
Oh, and as for The Time Traveler’s Wife? It is a great story and very well written. I highly recommend it. After you read Lessons From the End of a Marriage, of course 🙂
Tiger is completely unimpressed that his momma is going to be on TV. He just wants to go for a walk. Smart boy:)
I now know what is going on my “book” board for at least the rest of this week – “Breaking Bad” (sticking with the “B” theme:) ). The boyfriend and I watched seasons 1-3 last winter on Netflix and we are now watching the reruns of Season 4 on AMC in order to be properly prepared for the final season which begins this weekend. I love the acting, the drama, and the complex story lines, but I mainly find the show compelling for its psychology. I feel like it gives me a glimpse into the path that can take good people and break them into bad. It gives me a window into my ex-husband.
(This post will have some general spoilers, but obviously nothing past Season 3!)
Walt, the primary character, is a 50-something high school chemistry teacher when he is diagnosed with a brain tumor. At first, he seems likable, normal even. He is even-tempered and family-focused, a sharp contrast from what he becomes. So what goes wrong? He starts off slowly enough. His first deception is to try to conceal his diagnosis while undergoing treatment, presumably to shield his pregnant wife from the stress of his cancer. This lie has a relatively short life as the effects of the disease become apparent, yet the precedent has been set.
Shortly thereafter, when the financial burdens of the treatment become too high for the family bear, Walt again turns to falsehoods when he pretends to accept money from a family friend but really begins manufacturing meth. This time, the origins of the lie are not so rose-colored. Walt refuses the money offered out of pride. He was looking out for his family, but he wanted to be the one in control. Unlike the first lie, which was made to protect others, this one was made to shelter his own ego.
After beginning a life of crime, not surprisingly, the lies mounted. His family had no knowledge of his secret profession and he had to tread carefully in order to keep them in the dark. Not surprisingly, his relationship with his wife suffered as he had to distance himself to keep her from discovering his secrets. Lying became a habit for Walt. No one knew all his secrets; he sequestered different pieces in his different lives.
You can see the tension catching up with him at the same time the lies gain traction. It’s a vicious cycle – his sense of right and wrong diminishes with each lie, which leads to more appalling behaviors and actions, which then have to be concealed with more lies. He’s in free fall and cannot halt his descent.
As the seasons continue, his family is drawn in as well. They each become aware of some of the deceit and they begin to tell lies of their own to protect him. Deception effects everyone around you. The whole show is like some demented Rube Goldberg machine – you can pretty much tell how it’s going to end, but it isn’t clear how one piece influences the next until it is set into its unstoppable motion.
Machiavelli claimed that “the ends justify the means.” Walt seems to think in reverse; “the original intent justifies the means.” I’m not sure those caught in the webs of his lies would agree and they all spiral towards their ends.
As far as I know, my husband never had a brain tumor, manufactured meth, or taught high school chemistry, but I see some of him in Walt’s character. Like Walt, I think my husband first lied out of fear and wanting to protect me. I think he was also trying to shield his ego from the realities of a failing business. The lies fed themselves and became ingrained. It was his way of being and he took others along for the ride. He lied to try to dodge the repercussions of his choices and his actions.
But eventually, the truth came out. And truth always has consequence.
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Lessons From the End of a Marriage 