It is good to remember that mood ebbs and flows and that we will all have days where we are feeling down. This article came at a perfect time for me today, as I am feeling a bit blue for no apparent reason (although I suspect lack of sleep is a culprit). I’ve spent the morning adding to the problem, berating myself to snap out of it and embrace the day. I am going to take some of the advice below and head out for a nice long run and accept my mood as it is, letting expectations slide away with the sweat.
My boyfriend, a martial artist, posted this on his Facebook the other day:
BJJ (Brazilian Ju Jitsu) has taught me something very valuable lately about life. If you do not like the position that you are in then MOVE YOU and stop trying to move your opponent. You can not deal with that lock or choke by pushing your opponent away. You have to get your *** out of the way.
So, if you are not happy with your life then change what you are doing and stop worrying about changing what others in your life are doing to you. Only you can decide what your life will be.
My teacher was the end of my marriage; his is the mat. But, many of the lessons are the same.
These lessons are everywhere if we are willing to see them with open eyes, approach them with an open mind, and embrace them with an open heart.
What? You didn’t think that my ruminations on my monkey mind were going away just because I completed the 28 day challenge, did you? Of course not; this monkey demands attention and gets ornery if he’s ignored for too long.
First, a disclaimer: No monkeys were harmed or experimented on in the making of this post. You can go ahead and back off now, PETA.
When I undertook this meditation challenge, I was most concerned about staying with daily practice. In the past, I had slid out of the habit faster than my work clothes at the end of a hard day. But, that hasn’t been the case on the go-round. I dutifully meditate every day for at least a few focused minutes. I do it without thinking. It has become habit.
Get it?
For some reason, this bothers me a bit. Maybe I’m overthinking this (totally possible given my analytical nature), but it seems like I should be mindful about mindfulness. Intentional. For a time, I was experimenting with different guided meditations, various chants, and assorted music. I did walking meditations and silent meditations. I feel like I’ve turned it over to autopilot recently. I tend to go for the same chant generated by the same app, plug in the same headphones, lie on the same spot, and just go.
Is this good? I am practicing, after all. I can’t help but feel like I’m slighting my monkey; however. If I don’t actively pursue different options and continue to read about meditation, am I stunting my monkey’s growth? Or, by reading and studying, am I distracting myself from what is really important; focusing too much on the “doing” rather than “being”? Maybe my discomfort with the status quo is arising from the fact that I am still learning to BE.
Several years ago, my then husband and I were on the interstate heading out to our weekly Costco run. The roads were packed and traffic was doing that infuriating start-stop thing where we averaged about .87 mph. I took that opportunity to share the information from an article I had read that applied the theory of fluid dynamics to traffic congestion (disclaimer for those new to the site: I am a geek). I was excited about the research, animated. I used the cars around us to demonstrate the ideas in the article. He thought I was bit nuts. From that point forward, every time we were stuck in traffic, he would make a joke about “damn fluid dynamics.” It became part of our shared past.
I am an only child and I have lost contact will all of my childhood friends. My ex was the only person in my peer group that spanned across the decades of my life. I do not miss him, but I do miss the shared past. I now have entire mental storerooms of jokes and remembrances and no one to share them with. I am building a new shared past with my current partner, but, by definition, it takes time to build a history.
But for now, when I am stuck in traffic, I think of fluid dynamics and smile alone.
Do you ever feel as though you are stuck in an endless loop, replaying your past a la Groundhog Day, in your mind? It is all too easy to become stuck on a mental Möbius strip, an endless loop with only side. In this pattern, you are revisiting the past, perhaps assigning blame or experiencing guilt, but achieving no outcomes, no benefits. We play the “what if” game as if we are living within a choose your own adventure novel where we can simply go back and choose another path to follow.
How do we get off the never-ending ride of the Möbius mind? The first step is to recognize that you are stuck on an endless feedback loop, acknowledge your mental playback. Next, look at your patterns; where are you focusing? What triggers your thoughts? What events are central to this repeat performance? The reason this replays in your mind is that you have not yet gone deep enough into your feelings surrounding the event. You have not learned the lessons central to the story, so your mind is replaying it again and again hoping that the repetition will allow you to learn. Yes, the mind is a relentless teacher.
Go where it is uncomfortable. Acknowledge your responsibility. Your pain. Your shame. Your anger. Your fear. Learn from it. And then let it go. When you face the emotions triggered by the past head-on and then release them, you will find that your Möbius strip unravels and allows you to move on and continue your adventure.
Lessons From the End of a Marriage 