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A Blogger’s Lament: A Note to WordPress
It feels like you’ve gone from alpha to beta,
From starting string to sideline player.
The changes you’ve made (meant to improve)
Have knocked me out of my blogging groove.
The colors, the scale, the overall tools
Feels like something designed by and for Playschool.
My posts, which I used to find with a click
Are now hidden behind walls so very thick.
My notification flag constantly glows
Even after I’ve read all that it knows.
My reader has turned from a thing of real beauty
Into a place that I visit only from duty.
The map feature that’s added refuses to load
And the blogging experience has entirely slowed.
So, please, WordPress, If you know what’s best,
Return to your roots and let us do the rest.
Them’s the Rules – A Blogging Year in Review
I am a rule follower in most areas of my life. But not in the blogging world. I don’t proofread (and I make lots of typos!:) ). I fail to spend time formatting pictures. And I’ll post multiple times in a day. Furthermore, I am absolutely horrendous at following the guidelines for awards (although I am eternally grateful to those of you who have graciously sent them my way). However, there is one blogging tradition that I feel like I just have to honor – the year in recap, especially since the one year anniversary of my blog coincides with the conclusion of 2012.
So, here goes – a look back at Lessons From the End of a Marriage 2012. I apologize in advance if I get this wrong. Again, I don’t follow the blogging rules so well:)
The Beginning
Last December, I spent some time with my friend Christian. I showed him the outline of the book which I had started two years prior and had just committed to finishing. He recommended that I start a blog as a way of pre-marketing the book. I knew nothing about blogging, so I downloaded two Kindle books on the subject – one free and one $.99 – and I set up my WordPress site that afternoon. I set a goal of posting at least three times a week, but I was intimidated by the thought of coming up with that many ideas.
I didn’t need to worry. The ideas just began to flow and I found myself posting daily. I found a rhythm of writing in the mornings and jotting down ideas throughout the day in a small spiral notebook I kept in my purse (no iPhone yet:) ). I started following other blogs and found myself pleasantly surprised at the supportive WordPress community. I was still working on the book and the blog was a great place to explore ideas and solidify the themes.
I experimented with Facebook and Twitter and tweaked my blog settings. I never really knew what I was doing; I simply did what felt right in the moment. Looking back, some of the posts makes me giggle and some make me cringe. But I’ll leave them – they are part of the history.
I learned the humor inherent in seeing how people found my site. My favorite search terms?
- lisa arends bigamy (This one always makes me giggle. I’m not the bigamist! 🙂 )
- monkey lifting weights (because of this post)
- shaved monkey (that would be this one – I guess my monkey mind titles are a little strange:))
- how to get away with bigamy (please – just say no!)
- happy birthday to my car (I felt weird when I wrote that title, but I guess I’m not the only one)
- goddess flexibility pics (uhmm…thanks but I’m no goddess and I’m not very flexible)
- math show sole (????)
- squish bikini (eww! there is a pic on here of me in a bikini, but I don’t consider myself to be super squishy)
- crying is okay here (yes it is)
- the joy of outdoor showering (I know I love it)
- who did mrs wayne dyer marry (I would hope Mr. Wayne Dyer)
I went into blogging with the idea of promoting a book. I had no idea that it (and writing) would become an inherent part of my life.
Key posts:
When is a Phone More Than a Phone?
Softness Isn’t Just for Selling Tissues
Wanted: The Ronald McDonald House for the Recently Seperated
10 Things My Vibrams Taught Me About Relationships
The Importance of Love Mentors
Rebooting: Are You in Safe Mode?
What Set Theory Can Teach Us About Marriage
The Big Time
As I made my way into the blogging world, I found myself commenting on sites all over the net. Huffington Post was a frequent visit of mine and I often found that the articles in their “divorce” section spurred my own ideas, which I frequently left on their page. Then, in April, much to my surprise, I was asked to write a piece for them sharing my story.
And, oh what a ride that was. The piece went viral, sending over 20,000 visitors to my site in two days. It was cross-posted around the world in a variety of languages. The comments poured in. Most were shocked. Many were supportive. And some were hateful.
It was a strange feeling. Until that point, I had a relatively small and insular group of readers. I had kept my name hidden (thus stilllearning2b). My readers were supportive and understanding. The readers of Huff Post? Not so much. This was a crossroads for me – I had to decide if I wanted to pull back or go full force with my story, not knowing what the repercussions would be and having to thicken my skin in the process.
I think my choice is evident. I remembered my motivation to share in the first place – I didn’t want anyone to feel alone in their journey as I once did. I kept writing, adding more Huffington pieces and adding MindBodyGreen and others to the list.
Key Posts:
Check Out My Article in the Huffington Post!
8 Ways Yoga Supported Me Through Divorce
Have You Taken Out Your Mental Garbage?
The Book
By the end of July, the book was finally finished and ready to be published. I wondered if I would still feel the compulsion to write now that the project was complete. Again, I had nothing to worry about.
This period was when I really began to identify as a writer. I decided to be transparent in the process and share my story of self-publishing and writing for Huffington Post. The completion of the book also put me in a different place emotionally, and my posts began to focus more on present day rather than with wrestling demons from the past.
Key Posts:
When Can I Call Myself a Writer?
Adventures in Publishing, Part II
How to Become a Huffington Post Blogger
Write Yourself Through Divorce
Beyond Belief
Things exploded in the early fall. Another Huffington article went viral and I began to be contacted almost daily by producers. Most offers fell flat for one reason or another, but The Jeff Probst Show became a reality in September. It. Was. Surreal.
I had already exposed my identity to the internet, but now my “teacher persona” and “blogger persona” met for the first time. My coworkers read my book and approached me in the halls, giving me sympathetic hugs. My student’s parents sent me encouraging emails and engaged in whispered conversations at school events.
My little blog project wasn’t so little any more and it had grown well beyond what I could control. There was some anxiety associated with being so “out there.” It’s not always easy to have strangers comment on your life, your feelings and your actions.
Key Posts:
Lisa Arends on The Moffett Message
Marital Fraud: Questions Answered
The Blessings
I keep coming back to this. Every time I ponder pulling back, I receive an email or comment that helps me recommit to sharing. I have been so touched, so humbled and so inspired by the messages I receive or the posts I read from others who are surviving their own tsunamis. Additionally, I have found that writing reminds me of what I have in my life; it makes me grateful for what is rather than bitter for what was lost. I no longer feel alone. I am amazed at the supportive community that is all around us if we are willing to be vulnerable and show our pain. You guys are awesome:)
Key Posts:
This is a Test of the Emergency Rant System
Love After Divorce: A Reflection on a Journey
I am a planner by nature. It is somewhat uncomfortable for me to accept that I don’t know what 2013 will bring. So here’s to letting go of expectations, staying in the moment, practicing gratitude and sharing the love:) I wish all of you the happiest of new years!
More, Please
My cat has developed a poor habit of late. She herds us towards her dishes and yowls incessantly, asking for more even though her bowls contain adequate amounts of food and water. It’s like she looks at them but doesn’t believe them. She can only be silenced by the sound of the food in the container where we store it. A simple mock pour will placate her for a time until she yet again demands more of what she already has.
It’s an exasperating habit, especially since she seems to be most likely to share her anguish between the hours of two and four. In the morning.
I don’t know what drives her need: fear? confusion? greed? dominance? Or maybe she just finds humor in making her humans dance.
The act, regardless of its motivations, drives me crazy. But I can relate.
There are times in my life when I exclaim that I do not have enough instead of seeing what I actually have.
“I don’t have enough time.”
Yes I do. But this sentence shifts the responsibility off of me and onto the rapidity of the earth’s rotations. Clever, huh? What I really mean when I use this phrase is that the purposed actions are not important enough for me to make time. Time is there. It’s up to me how I allocate it. It’s also up to me to learn to take responsibility for that.
“I don’t have enough money.”
This one is fear talking. I have enough money to live, to pay my bills and have some fun. What I don’t have is enough money to sooth my anxiety, a fallback fund large enough to quell fears about the future. I’m (slowly) working to build that fund, but in the meantime, I can work on the fears, many of which are rooted in unreality.
“I don’t have enough stuff.”
Yup, confusion talking here. It’s all too easy to get caught up in the idea that happiness can be bought. I find myself flipping through catalogues or fighting the urge to hit the stores when I am unsettled in some way. Material goods will only distract for a short time. Happiness can only be found within. And, the reality? I have the stuff I need.
“I don’t have enough followers/likes/comments/book sales.”
Let’s be honest. It’s nice to have people want to hear what you have to say. It’s nice to be appreciated. respected. It’s nice, but it’s also a slippery slope. It’s easy to get carried away with the numbers game, only feeling validated when they reach some ever-increasing quantity. The problem then is that you never feel satisfied with what you have. I’m working on bringing my yogic mind to blogging and accepting what is rather than wasting energy wishing for more.
How often do we fail to see what we really have? How often do we wish for more than we need? Look at what you have before bemoaning what you want.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go. My cat is yowling for more food.
Adventures in Publishing
Somehow it seems appropriate to be here three years after my tsunami divorce.
Just days after the end, I picked up a pen and wrote voluntarily for the first time in my life. Days after that, I moved my journal to the computer and began to craft a book out of my life. I wrote consistently, even compulsively, for a couple months. It was therapy. I spewed my rage and sorrow upon the keyboard and somehow some a story was crafted. Then, as abruptly as I started writing, I stopped. For two years, I knew that I intended to finish the book, but I couldn’t bring myself to work on it. The original intensity had faded, yet it was too painful to give the file more than a cursory look.
Finally, last winter, I knew I was ready to begin again. A friend recommended that I start this blog. It was a great suggestion, as this has been a place for honing my writing, brainstorming ideas, learning to be comfortable with my writing and story being “out there,” and it has opened up bigger opportunities. It has also been a distraction from writing the book; 800 word typo-filled blog posts are much easier to write than a full-length fully-edited book. Who knew? 🙂
My goal for this summer was to actually finish the book rather than just talk about it. I’m pretty much there. It’s written. It’s formatted. It’s currently being edited. Once the final changes are made, I’ll upload the final version into KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing) and click “submit.” (…and then re-format the whole thing again for the print version…but I’m not ready to think about that yet!)
A few months ago, I wrote a post contemplating when I could call myself a writer. I definitely feel like one now after a solid month of sitting on a hard chair in a hot office pounding away at the keys. The sore brain and butt confirm it. So does the almost full ream of paper it took to print the thing for the editor:)
It’s been a crazy summer pushing to get all my projects done before school starts up again (which for teachers around here is just a couple weeks away!). I used a 4-part motivation/organization/idea board to keep me going.
It’s crazy to think that I’ll be ready to change the label on the “book” square soon. Any suggestions for what I should add there?
I know my boyfriend and the animals will be happy to have me spend more time downstairs instead of holed up in my office. He (the boyfriend, not the dog!) leaves me little notes around my desk. I found this one in the spiral I use to jot down notes a couple days ago.
Tiger and Maddy have enjoyed my time writing. This is on the couch behind my desk.
This has been an amazing adventure. The book has been so therapeutic to write; working with the story has helped to distance me from some of the pain. I have learned so much in the process as I have taken the needed steps to take the book from its infancy three years ago to a finished and published (and hopefully read!) product.
I love that I’m celebrating (yes, celebrating) the three-year anniversary of the tsunami with the completion of the book. It feels like I’m ready to close that chapter of my life and move on to my new lessons.
Until then, I am enjoying some summer (which means resting my brain and running my butt) while awaiting word (hopefully not too many!) from the editor. And, soon, I hope to push “submit!”
Lessons From the End of a Marriage 