Understanding Projection

My ex husband accused me of cheating. Never to my face, maybe because he feared my response or because on some level he knew the claim was baseless, but to his friends and coworkers. After he left, I learned that others had been hearing graphic and disturbing stories of my supposed infidelity for years. He … Continue reading Understanding Projection

Diving for Pearls

There are times when Truth is important - When my students use verified geometric theorems to prove triangles congruent. When my husband tells me where he's going on a Tuesday night. When my doctor asks about my family history of cancer.   And then there are times when Truth really doesn't matter.   A person … Continue reading Diving for Pearls

The Pathology Behind the Lie

I don't get spooked easily. But I'm spooked right now. Not because of anything imminent. But because I'm really starting to understand what kind of danger I may have been in. When the police first told me how lucky I was to make it out of my first marriage alive, I brushed off their concern. … Continue reading The Pathology Behind the Lie

My Side, His Side and … the Truth?

narcissist lie

One of the more infuriating responses I've received when others have heard my synopsis of my ex-husband's actions that led to the divorce is, "Well, you know how it is. There's your side, his side and then, somewhere in between them, there's the truth." After I swallow my scream, I try to respond with a … Continue reading My Side, His Side and … the Truth?

Look Out For These “Red Flag” Phrases

I'd never do anything to hurt you. This is naive at best and a manipulative distraction at worst. In any meaningful relationship, the occasional hurt is unavoidable.  Toes are carelessly stepped on, harsh words erupt before they're caught and actions are misconstrued to have an alternate meaning. Hurt happens. And it's what happens after that … Continue reading Look Out For These “Red Flag” Phrases