We Are Women

Posted on by stilllearning2b

 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” Marianne Williamson

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On the surface, it was a simple girl’s weekend at the beach. But much lies beneath the waves at the ocean in the form of great beauty and unexplored possibilities.

On the surface, we were five women with toned figures and painted nails, armed with the foods, drinks and clothes to celebrate a weekend away from our normal lives and responsibilities. But much lies beneath the façade of a woman in the form of great power and untapped potential.

We were more strangers than friends when we first gathered at the rented beach house late Friday afternoon. A proposal was made that we draw names – the selected slip bearing the name of the woman we were to focus on that weekend so that we could reveal her greatest gifts to her in our final conversation.

Names drawn, the weekend began. Stories were told and topics were broached. Our laughter echoed through the home and our tears stained our cheeks. Meals were prepared and consumed. We watched sunsets and sunrises from the decks and explored the roads on runs. We walked to the beach only to have to run home in the monsoon that soon appeared. We danced and sang and we didn’t get much sleep.

Through it all, we watched and we listened to the woman bearing our selected name. Becoming more aware in each moment that we all brought different gifts to the table and that we each had what another lacked.

Sunday morning came all too soon. We gathered one last time with the intent of revealing what we learned about each other. We soon realized that each woman, powerful in her own beautiful way, embodied a different characteristic of womanhood and had a lesson to teach the rest of us.

Empathy

The first gifts to be revealed were that of the woman who possessed a quiet power and a willing ear. She would observe and reflect only later to release wisdom without assumption. She embodied the feminine caregiver, the nurturer that reaches out to assist those in need. Her journey has her learning how to set boundaries and the importance of taking care of yourself before you can help others.

Lesson: Embrace your nurturing nature yet remember that you are only responsible for your own happiness and well-being.

Strength

The next up was a woman who personifies strength. Her tall, solid frame speaks to her physical power, her sturdy muscles taut beneath the skin. Her tattoos are a testament of her resiliency though life’s trials. She is larger than life and does everything to the utmost. She is statuesque in frame and in spirit, as others look up to her as a model for their own lives. She has faced opposition from those who are intimidated by her feminine strength and seek to subdue it. Yet female strength is not something shameful; it is something to be celebrated. And celebrate it we did!

Lesson: Celebrate who you are and do not allow others to force you into hiding.

Passion

This woman was the last to show up at the home on Friday. She brought sunshine in the door behind her. Her big smile, loud unapologetic laugh and sense of play brought an amazing energy to the group. She embraces her sexuality and understands its power. Rather than trying to intimidate others with her beauty, she seeks to reveal and revel in the beauty of others.

Lesson: Celebrate life’s joys and do not be ashamed of pleasure. Laugh often and laugh loud.

Voice

This powerful woman was the one who made this weekend happen. She is assertive and strong, never afraid to speak her mind or to speak up for those who can’t for themselves. She has learned how to lead through inspiration and knows how to teach and open minds without relying on preaching. When others speak, she listens and when she speaks, the world listens.

Lesson: Create change by dreaming big and inspiring those around you to dream even bigger.

Spirit

The last woman is a testament of the power of the human spirit. She is resilient and determined, not content to take the easy road. She uses her story to motivate others to move beyond hardship and struggle. She sees potential for growth and opportunity in every challenge.

Lesson: You are only a victim if you imprison yourself. Release yourself from your past and let your spirit soar.

We are women. We are powerful beyond measure.

These are blogs run by two of the other women on the trip. I’m sure they will be sharing their own experiences about the weekend as well:) Check them out!

Fit is the New 40

Imperfect Yoga and Coaching

Can’t Get No Satisfaction

Posted on by stilllearning2b

In yoga the other day, the instructor guided us into some complicated pose. I think it was called half-twist Bavarian pretzel with a side of mustard. Or something like that. After we had been twisted and balanced for what seemed like a decade, she said,

“Notice where you are in the pose today. Are you satisfied?”

(No.)

“Are you ever satisfied?”

(No. Damn it, why does she have to go all insightful on me when I am just struggling to not fall over and make a fool of myself?)

I walked out of the class an hour later, legs shaky and my mind still contemplating the question of satisfaction.

Do I have it? Do I even want it?

I know I have moments of satisfaction. That feeling after a good meal or the contentment I had looking at my friends on the picnic blanket last weekend. I experience it when I teach a good lesson and I see lots of “ah ha’s.” I feel it when my book sales go up or when Brock and I seem particularly close. I am satisfied with my performance in the gym when I hit my goals and with my achievement on the trails when I make good time.

So why did I immediately think “no” when the yoga instructor asked if I was ever satisfied?

Because it never lasts. Fulfillment in one moment becomes a lack in the next. The contentment is fleeting, taking over the body with its big sigh and then moving on, leaving a void behind with its big exhale. A need to be fulfilled.

Being satisfied with everything as it is sounds wonderful. One hundred percent permanent acceptance sounds like some wise yogic key to happiness.

But would that really be so great? Like eating one meal and never again feeling hunger. There would be no drive, no growth, no purpose.

To be fully satisfied would be to be completely stagnate.

My answer to the instructor is still “no,” I am never really satisfied. But that’s okay. It means I will always have something to work towards.

Like a full twist Bavarian pretzel with a side of mustard pose:)

 

I Didn’t Fail

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Marriage is not a test.

I lived.

I loved.

I lost.

But I didn’t fail.

Society makes assumptions about those who are divorced. Maybe we lack the fortitude to persist through difficulties. Perhaps we possess some great fatal flaw that makes us unable to sustain matrimony. Or, possibility we are flighty, given to jump in without thought and give up just as easily.

There is often shame inherent in admitting that one is divorced, like some scarlet letter “D” is forever branded upon your character if your “ever after” ended sooner than expected. It’s as though you failed at one of the biggest assessments you face as an adult.

In the strictest sense, my marriage did fail. After all, it ceased to exist upon the receipt of the horrific text: “I’m sorry to be such a coward leaving you this way but I’m leaving you and leaving the state.” Furthermore, my husband failed me through his betrayal and abandonment. I failed him by not seeing that he needed help and I failed myself by not being aware of his actions and the signs of a crumbling marriage. Yet, even with all that defeat, I refuse to look at my marriage as a failure. That label undermines our years together with all its shared memories and joys; the shared life and experiences are negated with that single word. Although I did feel as though I failed in some ways, I was adamant that I was not going to let my divorce define me as a failure.

Failure is an act, not a person. I’m divorced. Not defective.

As I grappled with the end of my marriage, I found comfort in the words of others. Others who had faced their own challenges and were determined to learn from and grow from their mistakes and unrealized goals. Read the rest on The Huffington Post.

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The Most Important Lessons

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Often, the lessons we need most are the ones we are most resistant to. I never wanted to be divorced. In fact, losing my husband, through any means, was my greatest fear in life. So, when I found myself suddenly single at the age of 32 after being betrayed by my best friend and partner of 16 years, I was lost.

The best lessons can often be found when we are facing unanticipated change and loss. It is a window where we are lost and searching, broken and vulnerable, wanting and open. It is a time when the ego has been forcefully stripped away and we are able to face those challenging lessons that we may usually avoid. In those moments, we learn who we really are and what we are capable of.

The following are some of the lessons I learned on the heels of my divorce:

1) When gratitude is your wrapping paper, everything is a gift.
You cannot always change your circumstances, but you can always change your attitude. I wasted time after the divorce being angry and playing victim. Slowly, ever so slowly, I began to soften and to look at the bigger picture. The divorce and its associated trauma happened; I could not alter that reality. I could, however, choose to change my reaction. I have begun to practice radical gratitude — being thankful for the man who deceived and abandoned me. I began by writing a list of ten reasons I am thankful for him and I continue to write a note of gratitude every time I make a payment on the debt he left behind. The situation hasn’t changed, but I now can view my divorce as a springboard for better things.

2) Happiness is my choice.

Read the rest on The Huffington Post.

Rediscovering My Warrior

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Warrior

When I was a teenager, I identified with the term ‘warrior.’ I liked the sense of quiet power the word conveys and I sought the wisdom that often accompanies it. As I moved into adulthood, I lost my warrior. It was replaced with scholar, wife, teacher and other personas. When I met Brock, who very much embodies the idea of warrior, I started to find my own power again.

As is often the case with Brock and I, we have found ourselves exploring the same idea from multiple perspectives. I picked up the audiobook, Way of the Peaceful Warrior: A Book That Changes Lives from the library a few weeks ago. I had read this back in high school, but had completely forgotten about it until I saw it on the library shelf. I’m only a couple chapters in, but I’m finding that this book has a very different impact on me than it did twenty years ago. Then, it was just a book, teaching me about abstractions. Now? I’ve lived it. Life has been my teacher and the book is simply the Cliff Notes.

Brock has been reading The Warrior Ethos. It hasn’t been passed to me yet, so I cannot comment too much. I know that I love the excerpts that he has shared and the conversations it has spurred.
This is what Brock has to say about warriors, inspired by The Warrior Ethos:
“The term warrior is often thought of as applying to an individual who fights, such as a soldier or martial artist.  However, I believe we are all warriors of life and to that extent most of us live by some sort of moral code that guides us.  We change as we grow and we are always trying to figure out our place in life, whether it be professionally, personally or internally.  Your ethos is just that – yours and yours alone.  It should speak to your soul and if no one else gets it then that is perfectly okay.”

Here is part of Brock’s warrior ethos:

1) Set the standards by leading by example.

2). Never ask a teammate to do something you have not already done or are not willing to do.

2) The team is more important than any one person within the team.

3) Think of the needs of your teammates prior to your own.

4 ) Let your decisions be guided with just cause, compassion and respect.

5). If you share all you have with your teammate you will be rewarded with a with  a wealth of knowledge, skill and most importantly, you will understand what loyalty truly means.

6). Listen more than you talk.

7). Selflessness produces courage because it binds people together and proves to each individual that they are part of a team.

8). Embrace adversity not from the flank but head on with confidence, courage and conviction.

9). Let your life be guided by the light of the sun and the moon and not the empty darkness of nothingness.

10).  Courage to me is defined not by the absence of fear but rather having fears and facing them regardless of the danger to oneself.

I look forward to developing my own warrior ethos as I yet again embrace my inner warrior.

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“Whatever you are physically…male or female, strong or weak, ill or healthy–all those things matter less than what your heart contains. If you have the soul of a warrior, you are a warrior. All those other things, they are the glass that contains the lamp, but you are the light inside.”
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel

“A warrior does not give up what he loves, he finds the love in what he does”
― Dan Millman, Way of the Peaceful Warrior: A Book That Changes Lives

“When one has nothing to lose, one becomes courageous. We are timid only when there is something we can still cling to.”
― Don Juan

“A warrior acknowledges his pain but he doesn’t indulge in it. The mood of the warrior who enters into the unknown is not one of
sadness; on the contrary, he’s joyful because he feels humbled by his great fortune, confident that his spirit is impeccable, and
above all, fully aware of his efficiency. A warrior’s joyfulness comes from having accepted his fate, and from having truthfully
assessed what lies ahead of him.”
― Don Juan Matus

“Even in times of trauma, we try to maintain a sense of normality until we no longer can. That, my friends, is called surviving. Not healing. We never become whole again … we are survivors. Even in times of trauma, we try to maintain a sense of normality until we no longer can. That, my friends, is called surviving. Not healing. We never become whole again … we are survivors. If you are here today… you are a survivor. But those of us who have made it thru hell and are still standing? We bare a different name: warriors.re today… you are a survivor. But those of us who have made it thru hell and are still standing? We bare a different name: warriors.”
― Lori Goodwin