Strategies to Deal With Every Phase of Major Life Changes – Oprah.com.
6 Lessons in Learning to Live Life Without Your Loved One
These lessons also apply to loss through divorce or separation.
6 Lessons in Learning to Live Life Without Your Loved One.
The most difficult lesson for me was to allow myself to feel the grief and the pain. I became an expert at filling my life with distractions (luckily, healthy ones, but distractions nonetheless). I was afraid that if I let the feelings in, that they would become a tsunami, crushing me under their power.
I had to make conscious decisions in the beginning to let myself feel some of it. My mind acted like a seawall, allowing some of the wave through, but holding part back. I was able to feel and process a little at a time, so that no one experience was too overwhelming. This piecemeal approach takes time, but it has worked for me because it breaks it down into manageable chunks, whereas the whole would be too much to bear.
A Broken Heart Could Actually Kill You : Discovery News
Weeks after my ex disappeared, I found myself shivering in a doctor’s office, my emaciated frame unable to stay warm beneath the gown. My urine sample was red and viscous with blood from the muscle tissue breaking down within my body. I shook with tremors, unable to still my body. My pulse was rapid, my blood pressure high, and my heart rhythm abnormal. The body was breaking as the mind tried to absorb the trauma. My heart was literally broken, as the muscle was being torn apart and discarded by my body as waste.
A Broken Heart Could Actually Kill You : Discovery News.
It is important for us to take care of our bodies at all times, but it is especially critical when we are under severe emotional distress. Listen to your body and care for it. Your life may depend upon it.
Albatross of Opportunity
“Everything happens for a reason.”
Has anyone ever said that to you? Or, have you perhaps uttered it to someone facing a challenge. That phrase, although I do appreciate its intent,is one of my pet peeves. I guess because I am a student of secular humanism, or perhaps because I do not have a fatalistic view of the world, I believe that things happen. Then, it’s up to you what you do with it.
My ex leaving didn’t catapult me to where I am now, nor did it send me down some stream, meandering to my current location. I had no say in him leaving, but I am where I am due to conscious decisions and and hell of lot of hard work.
I encourage you to see the struggles in your life as an albatross of opportunity. There will be physcological pain and suffering, but you can choose to use that to initiate desired change in your life. Accept that bird around your neck for a time, but when it’s purpose has been served, loosen the bonds and set it free.
How It Began
My own divorce story began in 2009 when I received a surprise text after 10 years of marriage that my husband was leaving. That text was the last contact I ever had from him. Over the next few weeks and months, I struggled to make sense of what happened. It turned out that the reality was even stranger and more horrific than I could have ever imagined. I found evidence of years of lies and deception, found empty bank accounts and overfilled unknown credit cards, and I saw evidence of another woman. Further sleuthing uncovered the shocking revelation that he married this other woman 6 days after he left me, thus committing felony bigamy. I found myself catapulted into a world of police, lawyers, psychiatrists, and media, trying to find my bearings. One of the worst aspects of those early days was the feeling that he had stolen my voice my refusing to communicate with me. I will be silent no more.
My marriage began with vows, vows to love and cherish him. My marriage also ended with vows, vows made to myself. I promised to thrive despite the pain, I committed to working to find balance in my life, I vowed to move beyond anger and revenge, and I pledged to use my voice to help others find wellness after trauma.
I have learned many lessons from the end of my marriage, and I am still learning.
You can read my entire story in my book Lessons From the End of a Marriage, available on Amazon.
The First Tears of the New Year
When is a Phone More Than a Phone?
Wanted: The Ronald McDonald House for the Recently Separated
Dear Ms. Manners: The etiquette of Bigamy
If You’re Going to Get married Illegally, Be Sure to Pay the Band
Lessons From the End of a Marriage 