Switch Gears
Valentines: Sweet and Sour
Choose your flavor:)
Through a Child’s Eyes
Through a child’s eyes.
What do we mean when we use this phrase? These words that try to capture the wonderment and excitement in the youth as they experience something new? What is it that makes it childlike and how can we capture that feeling even when our eyes are framed in crow’s feet?
Children have limited experience. They rarely encounter something expecting to have seen it before. They are less apt to compare the present to some remembered past because their mental files are sparse and not yet well organized.
They take each day as an adventure with limitless possibilities. They refused to be restrained by such concepts as impossibilities, rather they remain open to any outcome, no matter how implausible.
They are less apt to judge, to censor an occurrence with thoughts of “should” or “must.” They accept the present at face value.
Children are notoriously bad at planning. When they are engaged in an activity, they tend to be focused on that moment alone, even if only for the briefest of times. They are not doing one thing while mentally rehearsing for the next.
Just because our childhoods are behind us does mean we cannot still see with childlike eyes. Approach with an open mind, be open to the possibilities, avoid judgement and be in the moment.
And, please, for the sake of all of us, leave the temper tantrums and terrible twos in the past:)
One Isn’t the Loneliest Number
The song tells us that one is the loneliest number.
The song lies.
Because two has the potential to be lonelier than one could ever be.
When you’re one – alone and single – you know your position. You harbor no false hopes of connection. You carry no expectations of companionship. You know where you stand.
But when you’re two – half of pair – you begin to expect understanding. You look for and anticipate gestures of love. You want and assume that you will be listened to and recognized.
When those expectations are not met, when you are standing together yet you feel apart, that is loneliest feeling you can ever have. Those moments when your partner does not seem to see you, those feelings that go unrecognized, can cause you to feel more isolated and invisible than any table for one.
Loneliness is a strange beast – we fear it and yet we invite it in to curl up by the hearth. Loneliness is a choice. You cannot control how others respond to you but you can change how you respond in turn. Be honest with yourself – are you inviting loneliness in? Is your ego preventing you from accepting help? Are you sending signals that you want to be left alone? Are you failing to recognize the signs that someone is reaching out to you? Are your expectations blinding you?
Are you failing to make decisions because you are afraid of being lonely? Do you isolate yourself rather than take the risk of companionship? Do you assume your partner isn’t listening and you turn away in anticipation? Do you build up walls and then lament that no one tries to demolish them?
The truth is, regardless of outward appearances, we are all lonely at times. It doesn’t matter how many Facebook friends you have or how many roses your partner buys you. We all feel separate at times, misunderstood. It’s normal. Unless we perfect telepathy (Sookie Stackhouse, I’m looking at you!), we are the only ones who inhabit ourselves.
Alone doesn’t have to mean lonely.
Loneliness is a choice. We only become invisible when allow ourselves to be. Loneliness comes from within; it is a perception and an insecurity with oneself. It is a self-feeding emotion. The more you welcome it in, the more it takes up residence. Recognize it. Acknowledge it. And then try acting as though it isn’t there. It’s funny- when you no longer focus on how lonely you are, you often forget that feel alone.
One isn’t the loneliest number.
And really, neither is two.
You have a choice to make any number lonely or not. It’s up to you.
Awakening From Hibernation
Ahh, February. It’s not quite spring but we are well over winter. In the south, the trees and flowers are jut beginning to stir. The first signs of the cherry blossoms have appeared. The daffodils are letting their yellow undercoats peek out at the tepid sun. Tree branches are rounded with the soft buds of the new leaves. The stirrings are not limited to the plants. Joggers are beginning to fill the trails, especially on those days between cold and rain fronts. The squirrels are out in force, digging up the acorns they buried months ago. The birds have lifted their self-imposed ban on song and their chirps and warbles fill the mornings once again.
It’s natural to hibernate when the world outside becomes too harsh to bear. It’s instinctive to curl up and tuck in, settling into a protective stasis. We do it annually to some extent as we follow the natural rhythms of shorter days and colder nights. We tend to narrow our worlds in the winter, paring back and slowing down. It is a time of restoration.
That contraction is countered by the expansion that occurs each spring, as we expand our reach along with the increasing hours in a day. It’s an instinctive cycle, an inhalation and exhalation on a broad scale. We are not unlike the flowers in our balance of growth and rest.
And, just like the blossoms, we can have our rhythm disturbed. A sudden late freeze will send the plants into shock, causing them to die back and halt their growth until they feel like it’s safe to peek their petals out again. A sudden shock can just as easily cause us to slow and even stop. Parts of us can die, turning withered and black. It can lead to a period of hibernation as the body and mind turn inward. The body slows, the appetite decreases and the brain becomes sluggish.
It’s a natural response to a sudden freeze where the world becomes inhospitable and fierce. Don’t try to resist the natural cycles – you’ll lose. Be with it; ride it out. Curl up and hide but don’t forget to look outside for the first signs of spring and allow yourself to spread and grow as the sun’s first warmth touches you again.
The flowers never let the risk of a late freeze keep them from showing their beauty. Why should you?
Lessons From the End of a Marriage 