Today is an Exercise

Posted on by stilllearning2b
A map based on the 2006 US Senate election
A map based on the 2006 US Senate election (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Most Americans are looking forward to today with a mixture of anticipation (Will my candidate win?), trepidation (What if my guy loses?) and relief (Thank goodness all of this will be over.). It’s easy to get caught up in the energy and excitement of the numbers as they are discussed and displayed across TVs and computers, but it’s also a good time to step back and reflect.

Today is an exercise

in patience

This is a close election. We may not know the outcome until late tonight. Watching FOX or MSNBC all day won’t change that. Relax. Live your day. You’ll know the results soon enough.

in respect

This has been a very heated partisan election. My Facebook feed feels bipolar with extreme posts on both sides. When I find myself prickling at someone’s post, I take the time to remember the reasons I love that person and that they are much more than their political views. Listen to others with an open heart even if your mind doesn’t agree. We have more in common than we often realize.

in perspective

It’s easy to believe that the results of today’s election will determine the course of the next four years. It will, of course, have an impact, but is only a single variable in a sea of possibilities. Today, it is everything, but 20 years from now it will most likely be a hazy memory.

in speaking up

We are lucky to live in a country where our vote counts and we have the right to speak our minds. Take advantage of that right. Vote.

in letting go

Roughly half of the country will be disappointed tonight. If you are one of those, use this opportunity to practice letting go. Maybe your candidate didn’t win, but holding on to that will only keep you stuck in a bygone election. Rather than bemoan the results, create results in your own life. Besides, we’ll do this all over again in another four years.

 

 

Getting Away With Bigamy

Posted on by stilllearning2b
Defenders of Marriage
Defenders of Marriage (Photo credit: Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com)

Bigamy is in the news again. A Washington man recently pleaded guilty to bigamy after his first wife discovered the second on Facebook. Every time bigamy hits the headlines, I have an uptick in searches that lead to my blog. People seem to have two main questions:

“How do I get away with bigamy?” and “How do bigamists get caught?”

I really hope these searches are out of curiosity and not a sign of someone making plans.

Here’s the truth – it’s easy to commit bigamy. Many states do not ask for proof of a divorce when you file for a marriage license. This was the case in the state where my husband married, although they were re-evaluating the law. Even requiring proof of the dissolution of the prior marriage is not a fail safe; all one has to do is claim that they have never been married. Records of marriages and divorces are held at the county level. It is not possible to search all of the databases under the current system.

It may be easy to commit bigamy, but it is getting harder and harder to get away with it as our lives become more documented online and through electronic communication. In the Washington case, Facebook suggested to the first wife that she may know the second. In my case, I caught my husband through an email (If You’re Going to Get Married Illegally, Be Sure to Pay the Band).

Another side effect of bigamy in the news is the increase in jokes about Mormons, Utah, and polygamy. I’d like to clarify a few points while on the subject. Do some Mormons believe in and practice polygamy? Yes. Is it the norm? No. Most Mormons do not live in households with multiple wives and do not condone the practice. It’s simply that these households get more media attention because it is different and therefore interesting. Furthermore, the type of bigamy committed by my husband and the man in Washington is in no way related to a sister wife sort of situation. These men committed adultery and carried it through to a horrific end. This was not consensual. This was fraud and deception.

I get it. Bigamy can be funny. Goodness knows, I’ve made my share of jokes to laugh through the tears (Dear Ms. Manners: The Etiquette of Bigamy). But while you’re laughing, remember that lives have been torn apart, usually in a public and embarrassing way.

In the Washington case, the man received a year’s probation. My husband didn’t even get that. I’m depending upon karma to carry out his sentence.

Divorce Envy

Posted on by stilllearning2b
Ash Envy Single CD2
Ash Envy Single CD2 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am generally not a jealous person. I don’t mind people that are better looking, make more money, or drive a better car (which is good, since my 13 year old car is pockmarked from hail and covered with pollen!). The one area where I feel the insidious presence of the green-eyed monster is divorce. That’s right; I suffer from divorce envy.

When I hear friends talk about going to lunch with their ex-spouse, I wonder why I have to be in the situation where my lover became an instant stranger.  I encounter discussions about amicable divorces that sound about as stressful as packing away the winter wardrobe and bringing out the summer clothes.  I get frustrated when people make statements about how women always do better in a divorce, after taking all their husband’s money.  And I know some who have.

I have come to terms with being divorced.  I have come a long way with dealing with the pain inflicted upon me.  But some times, I wish I could have had it differently.  A divorce that didn’t have to be devastating.  A husband that didn’t disappear.  Rather, two lives that simply went in different directions.  Of course, if it had not been for the difficult divorce, I would not be on the path I am now.  The hardship is exactly what forced me to re-evaluate, re-balance, and re-learn.  I am thankful for that.

When I saw Christie Brinkley’s interview the other day (and her ex’s response), I immediately identified with her.  So many people including Matt Lauer, it seems), do not understand what it is like to divorce someone who is entirely devoid of empathy and will not hesitate to lie to serve their own end.  She has had a difficult divorce too, and I am sure that it has sent her on a new journey.  I hope that she has been able to find strength and purpose in her new life.  And, I hope for both of us that we are able to be grateful for the blessings in our own situations and not dwell too much on divorce envy.

Chocolate and Willpower

Posted on by stilllearning2b

According to a new study, those who eat chocolate tend to have a lower BMI.  My guess is that it all comes down to willpower.  You see, we only have so much of it.  If you use it all in one area, it tends to be lacking in another.  For example, people that exercise the most also tend to drink more; their willpower was used up going to the gym and they have a more difficult time resisting that glass of wine.  So, it follows that those who give in to a bit of chocolate may have more willpower left over for other areas.

Apparently my willpower was spent at the gym, as I am writing this while enjoying some dark chocolate and a glass of red wine.

This image was selected as a picture of the we...
This image was selected as a picture of the week on the Czech Wikipedia for th week, 2007. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
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Intensity

Posted on by stilllearning2b
Piquance
Piquance (Photo credit: JasonUnbound)

A new study suggests that consuming intensely flavored, such as pungent cheeses or spicy foods can help you eat less. This principle is true with any sort of intensity, whether it be diet, exercise, or emotional in nature. By definition, something that is intense is strong, pushing itself to the forefront of your consciousness. This makes it hard to ignore and brings forth mindfulness of the action, something which may not occur with more sedate stimuli. Intensity also cannot be maintained for long, which can be used for your benefit. Here are some suggestions on how to use intensity to improve your well-being:

Diet: Think of ways to pump up the flavor in your dishes. Add spices, hot sauce, olives, or strong cheeses in small amounts to bring forth stronger, more noticeable flavor. This makes it much harder to overindulge; just think about the difference between eating milk chocolate and dark chocolate, the latter being much more intense. I used to be the queen of bland food, but I have found the joys of small nibbles of big flavor.

Exercise: Try interval training. Personally, I find that I get much better fat-burning results from a 20 minute sprinting session, Tabata sprints, or kettlebell intervals than I do from hour long steady-state runs. Think about how you can pump up the intensity in your own workouts either by limiting rest time or working harder.

Emotions: Sometimes we try to avoid feeling an emotion intensely and we end up feeling a low level of it for a long time. There is nothing wrong with letting yourself feel strongly, and you will probably feel better for it. (Note: Anger is one emotion that may need to be doled out or carefully expressed to avoid harming yourself or others). I know I often feel purges and refreshed after an intense cry, whereas if I avoid the cathartic tears, I just end up feeling “blue” for several days.

Even though intensity can be uncomfortable, it will make you leaner, stronger, and more balanced in the end.

 

 

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