ROI

Posted on by stilllearning2b

English: Return on Investment analysis graph

The world of business is always concerned about the return on investment, the bottom line.  But, how often do we apply those same principles to our personal lives?

Your Thoughts

Do you place your capital in thoughts that serve you or into thoughts that bring down your bottom line?

Your Actions

Do you choose to engage in actions that help you to grow and evolve or actions that hold you in place?

Your Health

Do the foods you eat and the movement you engage in support your body or do they cause it harm?

Your Relationships

Do you spend time with people who add to your net worth or are they red item deductions?

Take some time to be conscious about your personal investment portfolio and make the needed changes to improve the ROI on your own life.

Dating After Divorce: When Are You Ready?

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I wish I could devise a formula that would tell you when you are ready to date again:

(Length of marriage)(# of months since the end of the marriage*) + (# of crying sessions)(# of explicatives used to describe the ex)

   (# of therapy** hours)

If this number <1, keep working on yourself; you are not yet ready to date

If this number >1, join Match.com asap

*This can be the date of separation, divorce, or when the spouse using the formula realized the marriage was over

** Therapy is defined loosely here.  It can be traditional therapy as well as meditation, journaling, exercise, etc.  Anything that is used to help the mind move forward from the trauma is therapeutic.

The Dating Game

Unfortunately, no such formula exists.  The “right” time to date is different for every person and every situation.  What seems too soon to some, is on time for another.  You are ready when you feel you are ready, not when X months have passed or Y tears shed.  Try to listen to yourself without passing judgement.  I knew I was ready to date when all of a sudden, I began to notice there were men around me at the gym.  Men!  I had turned a blind eye to all but my husband for 16 years, and now I was suddenly aware of the other gender.  I felt like a 14 year old at the mall, amazed at all the possibilities.  Luckily, before I threw myself into the mix with wild abandon, I took some time to reflect.  I knew that I was ready in some ways to begin dating, but I had to look further to see if I was truly prepared.

Please, take what I have to say with a grain of salt.  I am by no means an expert on dating.  I met my husband when I was 16, so I did not partake in much dating beyond him prior to that.  After the end of my marriage, I actively (very actively!  For a three month period, dubbed Match Madness, I averaged 8 dates a week.) dated for about 8 months before I met the man I have been in a relationship with for the last two years.  Even though my experience is limited, I went into my post-marriage dating very consciously, which led to some lessons to share.

Initially, I believed the conventional wisdom that you need to be fully healed in order to date.  Uhmm…how many adults walking around today are fully healed?  Have no relationship wounds?  Yeah, that’s what I thought.  If I had continued to believe that advice, I would still be waiting for my first date.  Here’s what I realized is important:

1) You have to want to be healed.

2) You have to be actively moving forward on your healing process.

3) You need to be able to accept responsibility for your actions and your happiness.

4) You should be at a point where the good (or even okay) days outweigh the bad.

Once you have reached that point AND you find you have the interest, it’s time to tiptoe (or leap if that’s your style!) your way (back) into the dating world.

In future posts, I will address how to get back into dating again, tips for the recently divorced on a date, my dating ten commandments, and how to avoid the same patterns that ruined the marriage.

5 Yoga Poses to Help You Through a Break-Up

Posted on by stilllearning2b

We tend to think of yoga as something to do when you need to stretch.  The truth is that yoga is as much mental as physical, as much to open as to strengthen, and as much to release as it is to hold.  When we have suffered the end of a relationship, we hold onto the pain in our bodies as well as our minds.  These poses help to soften pain’s hold so that the healing can begin from within.  If you have never tried yoga, now may be the perfect time to start as you work to mend your broken heart.

 

5 Yoga Poses to Help You Through a Break-Up.

It’s Not Alphabetical, But “Me” Comes Before “Marriage”

Posted on by stilllearning2b

There has been quite a bit of discourse over the last few years about the relative happiness and health of people with different relationship statuses.  Much of the popular literature has given the impression that married people are happier; therefore, become married to improve your well-being.  The problem with this position is that they are confusing correlation with causation.  Doesn’t it make more sense that happy people are more likely to get and stay married than a ring possessing magical powers?

Does Marriage Make Us Happy? Should It? | Psychology Today.

Whenever we rely on external sources for our fulfillment, well-being, and happiness, we will ultimately be disappointed.  We have to find those things within ourselves before we can find a partner that can see them too and before we can see them in another.  In order to be the best partner possible, we first must address ourselves:

How can you trust others, if you do not have trust in yourself?

How can you care for others, if you cannot care for yourself?

How can you have faith in others, if you do not have faith in yourself?

How can you be loyal to another, if you cannot be loyal to yourself?

How can you be responsible for another, if you cannot be responsible for yourself?

How can you be with another, if you cannot be with yourself?

How can you love another, if you cannot love yourself?

So, throw away the dictionary, and look to yourself before you look to marriage to make you happy and well.

States of Matter

Posted on by stilllearning2b
English: The liquid helium is in the superflui...
Image via Wikipedia

Which state of matter best describes you?

Solids are comprised of tightly packed molecules.  They are rigid, holding their own shape.  The atoms that make up a solid are stuck, their movement compromised by the proximity of their neighbors.  If you are a solid, you are fixed in your life.  Your environment does not impact your shape, as you resist influence from your surroundings.  If too much resistance is applied, a solid crumbles and fragments, but it takes quite a bit for this to occur.  Solids are consistent, yet their stalwart nature can make them vulnerable to fragmentation or erosion.

The particles that form liquids are freer to move, yet they posses cohesive properties that encourage them to remain in proximity to each other.  The defining characteristic of a liquid is that it takes the shape of its container.  If you are a liquid, you allow the environment to shape you, yet you maintain a a sense of self held in the solidarity of your component parts.  You naturally flow, yet can move against the pull of gravity when effort is applied.  You are resistant to pressure, yet accepting of influence.

Gasses are the free spirits of the chemical world; their particles enjoy total freedom at the expense of identity.  The atoms and molecules in a gas will expand to fill its container as they bounce around with no thought to each other.  If you are gas, you push against the constraints of your environment, constantly looking for a way out.  The application of pressure simply intensifies this effect.  You are free, open to anything, yet may not have a developed sense of self, as your component parts do not blend.

States of matter can be changed.  Apply enough heat to a solid and it softens, liquifies.  Apply too much perhaps, and you lose your substance as it evaporates.  On the other hand, compress freely moving molecules hard enough, and you transition them to a liquid and eventually a solid.

In my own life, I strive to be a liquid.  I want to be unified and have a definable self, yet I want to be open to influence.  I desire to be able to relax and go with the flow, yet also be able to move against the current at will.  The pressures I have faced have forced internal cohesion and the warmth from those around me has kept me soft and pliable.  I try to monitor the dials and switches on my internal chemistry set to maintain this optimal balance despite the impact of the environment.