Marathon Musings
One Step at a Time
I mentioned a while back that I signed up for my first (and most likely only!) marathon this fall. My official training began a few weeks ago, but I am just now at the place where I have to plan to run more frequently and/or longer than I normally would in my non-marathon days. Last week I ran my furthest distance to date – 16 miles. Those kind of distances give me a LOT of time to think (and compose new book ideas, as in the case of last week’s run 🙂 ). I have been realizing that there are similarities between training for a marathon (or any distance that pushes you) and the process of taking a romantic relationship from a more casual place to one that is more committed and long-term, something which I have experienced in the past 2 1/2 years.
Baby Steps
With running, it is recommended that you only increase your mileage by 10% each week (or each run if you’re just starting out). When I started running five years ago, I neglected this advice. I was already in good shape and so I thought I would run as far as I could in any given session. This worked fine for a few weeks, but then I was sidelined with overuse injuries (mainly plantar fasciitis) for months. It was too much, too soon, and my body did not have time to adapt. It felt great at the moment, but was detrimental in the long run. I now know to be more conservative and I monitor my weekly mileage carefully.
This same strategy applies to relationships. It is so easy to get carried away in those early, heady days of new love. You want it all and you want now. Frequently, it is too much, too soon and the emotional equivalent of overuse injuries occur when it becomes apparent that the relationship moved too quickly for adaptation to occur. When I first started dating again, I found that I moved too quickly. It resulted in flash and burn as the momentum overtook any real bond. With my current beau, we moved slowly, taking our time moving through casual dating to more serious, to commitment. We spent time at each stage, acclimating to each other and learning how to be at that place. It allowed us both to become comfortable before we made changes.
It can be so easy to let enthusiasm propel you to take on more than you are ready for. Baby steps allow you to move towards what you want in a deliberate fashion, allowing you to adapt in a natural way.
It’s a Mental Game
Until last week, the longest I had ever run was 15 miles. That was my barrier for almost 2 years. Obviously, if I can run 15 miles physically, I can also run 16 or more. It was a mental barrier. I decided to sneak up on my fear. I programmed my iPod for 12 miles, but allowed a small voice to convince me to try more if I felt okay. I reached the 6 mile mark and decided to push for 2 more miles before I turned around. This meant that I had to cover 16 miles just to get back to the car. I completed the run with no problems and, more importantly, broke through that fear that kept me limited.
Fear also holds us back in relationships. We are scared to commit to the long haul. Afraid to try in case we fail. We form mental barriers that hold us in. Sometimes, it is best to not think too much about is around the corner. Commit to the now and try to release the fear about what will be. If you’re in “mile 1” of a relationship, keep the finish line in mind but don’t worry yet about the hills in “mile 10.”
The Little Things Grow
Living in the South, carrying water on longer runs is a necessity. I have a Nathan’s duel water belt that I have used successfully for the last couple years. Successfully, that it, until last week. It turns out that those two water bottles, which are perfectly fine for runs that are 12 miles and under, cause severe back pain and bruising on longer treks. When I gear up for a long run, I have to be very careful about seams that may rub or laces tied too tightly. Those little annoyances that are not critical in the short term become magnified as time progresses.
The little things in relationships also seem to grow as time moves on. The characteristics (both positive and negative) that you notice on the first few dates will only become more noticeable as the relationship progresses. Plan carefully at the outset and be mindful of the details to help avoid chafing down the road.
Preparation is Key
Sometimes, I neglect to prepare myself for a run. I might head out without enough pre-hydration. Maybe I haven’t visited my foam roller or I skipped my yoga class. At times, I forget to charge my iPod. When I fail to prepare for a run, I end up with a workout that is less than satisfactory. In contrast, when I think about the result I want and I make preparations for that outcome, I end up with a better experience and I accomplish or at least get close to my goals.
I also had to prepare to be in a relationship. After a sudden divorce, I had quite a bit of personal work to do before I could expect for a relationship to be successful. I needed to take time to work through my anger and sadness and I needed to address my underlying fears and anxieties. Think about what you want in a relationship and then look at what you need to do yourself to prepare for that reality.
Required Fuel
One of the trickiest aspects of running longer distances is learning to manage your fuel needs. There are hundreds of products and thousands of recommendations on how and when to eat on a run. Ultimately, all that matters is what works for your body. Regardless of the product and timing, most people have to refuel on a regular basis throughout a run or they simply cannot go any further.
In a relationship, fuel is obviously not Gu and Gatorade, but is the way that the relationship is fed and invigorated. This can be through touch, kind words, notes, rituals, etc. Just like with running, fuel will be different for each person. As Dr. Chapman highlighted in The 5 Love Languages, it is important to find out what fuel meets your partner’s needs. It is necessary to keep the relationship fueled if it is to continue for the long run.
Marathons and relationships take work. They don’t just happen. You have to want it and make choices that will support your dream.
Happy running and happy loving:)
Related articles
- Love Is A Marathon, Not A Sprint (mothermaryswords.wordpress.com)
- Getting From Here to There: Facing the Fear of the Transition (projectwhitespace.com)
Push “Pause” or “Play”?
I woke up yesterday with a pulled hip flexor. It’s nothing serious. It’s completely functional and the pain can be ignored. But should I ignore it and push “play,” or give in to a pause?
My nature is to keep going, using ice and other modalities to ease the pain enough to continue on my planned runs, my marathon training schedule etched in concrete in my mind. Will this serve me in the long run? Or, by pushing too hard and too fast, will I prevent the necessary healing and end up off the trails longer than if I simply give in now?
Over the last three years, I have begun to be more comfortable pushing “pause.” For months after the divorce, I kept going through the pain, ignoring it while pressing forward. That only works for so long. I learned to be more sensitive to the nature of the pain and realize when I needed to give it time and space to present itself and heal and when I could ignore a small uprising and continue as if all was well because it soon would be.
Both buttons have their place in our lives. There are times when we need to keep going and push through the cobwebs blocking our path and there are other times when we need to stop and rest and allow ourselves to mend. Listen to your body. Your heart. It will tell you what it needs.
As for me, I plan to let my hip rest for one more day. There is time enough for play tomorrow. Pushing “pause” is not the same as pushing”stop.”
Confidence Run
It’s been awhile since I’ve run a double-digit distance. Today,I decided to tackle 10 miles, mainly to try to convince the naysayers living in my head that I was not totally crazy to sign up for a marathon this fall. I have noticed that when I slack off of running, I start to get fearful that I will be able to do it again. I find the best remedy for this negativity is to run. Not elegant, but it works.
During today’s run, two of the three members of the running triumvirate decided to show: lungs and mind were present and accounted for. Unfortunately, my lower legs and feet did not get the memo. I blame this on two things. First, I missed my normal yoga class this week and the DYI variety just does not seem to stretch me as deep or as long. Secondly, apart from running shoes, I am very frugal with my footwear. Considering I stand for 7-9 hours a day on concrete floors, this is not necessarily a good trait to have. I am making a public vow to get a couple of decent pairs of work shoes over spring break and try to replace them before the end of the next decade.
Overall, it was a good run. I kept a respectable sub 7:30 pace and the heat didn’t bother me too much (I thank the hot power yoga for that). Still, it is a little daunting that I’ll have to run over 2 1/2 times that distance soon. Yikes. Best not to think about it too much, especially while I’m resting my achy feet!
Marathon Motivation
It’s time for another race.
I ran my first race, a half marathon, 3 months after he left. I signed up because I needed a challenge. I needed something tangible that I could overcome in a set amount of time. I needed to prove to myself that I had the strength, both mental and physical, to push through and endure. Training gave me a focus, a purpose. At that time, it served as motivation to eat so that I could gain enough weight to handle the distance. It kept me moving on days I wanted to stutter to a stop. The race gave me a reason regain my physical health and an outlet for my mental health; that first race both gave me a reason to get well and proof that I could endure.
Although I ran many more races, my next challenge was Tough Mudder the following year. The motivation this time was somewhat different. I saw this as an opportunity to overcome the adversity with a partner, my boyfriend of less than a year at that point. It was a test of trust, of bonding, of partnership. Sharing the experience and overcoming the obstacles together brought us closer. The physical demands also stepped up my game; the half marathon I ran 7 days later was a mere blip on the screen after what those crazy Mudders put me through.
It’s been a year and I haven’t faced another challenge. It’s time for another race.
I’ve signed up for a marathon this fall. My first. I’m doing this one alone, in contrast to the first two. This will be my longest distance by far; I have yet to run more than 15 miles in a stretch. But that’s not really the challenge. I’ve shied away from this ultimate run in the past because of the training requirements; they are quite daunting. My challenge this time and my motivation is to learn how to maintain balance in my life even when something is pulling at me like an impatient toddler. I want to complete the training without being consumed by the training. I need to prove to myself that I can tackle a challenge and continue to live in the process. So, here’s to 26.2!
I’m a little afraid of what next year might bring if I continue this pattern…
Lessons From the End of a Marriage 