When Gratitude is Your Wrapping Paper

gratitude

When gratitude is your wrapping paper, everything is a gift.

 

If someone had told me ten years ago that I would ever be grateful for my tsunami divorce, I would have thought they were ignorant. Or cruel. Or, at the very least, utterly clueless and insensitive.

 

But, you what?

 

They would have been right.

 

My divorce was a doozy: 16 years of what-I-thought-was wedded bliss suddenly amputated with a single text message. This was followed by the discovery of marital fraud and felony bigamy. In one instant, the life I had was gone and it was stolen by the man who had lovingly kissed me goodnight for my entire adult life.

 

Needless to say, I was angry. Confused. Heartbroken. As the months carried into the first anniversary and beyond, it was difficult not to remain painfully focused on what I had lost. I was actively building a new life and was joyous in it, yet I drew a hard line that kept that same gratification from touching my past.

 

And that strategy worked for a time, as long as my past knew its proper place. But it never stayed put in the history books for long. Letters would arrive about new debts that I had to somehow pay, triggers would pounce from the most innocuous of events and fears of trusting again became apparent in my new relationship.

 

It became clear that ordering my past to simply sit and stay like an obedient dog wasn’t an effective approach.

 

So I did something radical.

 

I was inspired by the gratitude lists that circulate social media every fall. I love those lists. I enjoy reading how people are thankful for their families, their jobs and their health. I smile when I see their pictures of cooing babies or mischievous puppies. I appreciate the renewed energy that spills from accounting one’s blessings.

Those lists are beautiful.

Heart warming,

But I also think they’re a cop-out.

It’s easy to be thankful for the good things in your life. It’s easy to summon gratitude for the people and situations that bring us joy.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s valuable to take the time to enumerate those things you appreciate.

But it’s even more valuable to find reasons to be thankful for those things that bring us pain or grief or anger.

 

When gratitude is your wrapping paper, everything is a gift.

 

Much like an oyster encapsulates an irritating bit of sand with glorious mother of pearl, you can choose to envelop the torments in your life with thankfulness.

 

And so that’s what I did. Every time I wrote a check to pay for the hidden debts that were left in my lap, I wrote a reason I was grateful for the opportunity. I composed a list of reasons I was thankful for my ex, effectively muffling the pain. I taught myself to recognize the negative emotions and, rather than try to stuff them down or ride them out, I actively wrapped them in gratitude.

 

And it turns out that gratitude was the key to releasing me from the prison of my past. It happened. It altered me. But it does not control me. You cannot always change your circumstances, but you can always change your response. Gratitude is a choice you can always make.

 

So, I leave you with a challenge that can turn your greatest sufferings into your greatest gifts.

 

But it won’t be easy.

I call it radical gratitude for a reason.
Radical because it’s intense.
 Difficult.
 Almost unthinkable.
 But also because it has the chance of being life changing.

Identify the one person or thing or situation in your life that has caused you the most grief. The most pain. The most anger.

Find that dark hole that bleeds you.

That curse.

Maybe it’s an ex. Or an abusive parent. Perhaps it’s your job or lack thereof. Possibly, you face an illness that has stripped your body or had an accident that stole your health in one fell swoop. Maybe it’s not the presence of a person, but the loss of one.

Whatever it is, identify it.

And then be grateful for it. Create a list of ten reasons that you are thankful for your biggest challenge.

You can share it – here or elsewhere – or you can keep it to yourself.

But write it. Believe in it. And then release it.

When gratitude is your wrapping paper, everything is a gift.

 

wrapping-paper

 

A Trip to Remember

The original forecast wasn’t that bad –  one night that would dip into the 20s and daytime highs in the 40s with clear skies and no chance of precipitation. Perfect camping and hiking weather.

But as we know, what we expect isn’t always what life delivers.

In this case, I think the computer that calculated the weather models had been hacked to try to cover up the fact that a mini polar vortex would be descending upon the North Georgia Mountains over Thanksgiving.

Hyperbole?

Possibly. Further study is needed.

Serene. No sign of what's to come.
Serene. No sign of what’s to come.

 

Our usual pattern with camping is to wake up around sunrise, build a fire to make the all important coffee and then hit the hiking trails around 9 am. We had a feeling Thursday wasn’t going to be usual when we woke up to the sounds of blustery winds and the sharp shrapnel of sleet pelting the skin of the tent. That, plus the fact that the bottle of water inside the text was frozen, were our first signs that the forecast was not going to be our reality.

It's a wonder the roof didn't collapse:)
It’s a wonder the roof didn’t collapse:)

 

After we unzipped the tent, Tiger ran off into the frozen tundra to do his business and then returned to the shelter of the portico, where even a nest made of blankets could not keep him from shivering. Brock started the fire while I worked to prep breakfast. Our eggs and potatoes were runny that morning, as the sleet added significantly to the water content during cooking. We inhaled them before they could freeze.

His highness's "seat" when the ground is cold.
His highness’s “seat” when the ground is cold.

Still unaware that the computer weather models were farcical, we consulted our apps and learned that the ominous clouds, gusting winds and frozen precipitation would exit stage left around 11. We decided to hole up in the tent until then before embarking on the shorter of our two planned hikes once the weather cleared. We burrowed back in our sleeping bags, tucked Tiger into his nest and turned on the electric heater while we read and played cards to pass the time.

Snug as a bug in a rug.
Snug as a bug in a rug.

As predicted, the skies cleared and the sleet assault abated. We donned our gear and set off on a four-mile hike through the Chattahoochee National Forest and around the base of Blood Mountain.

This is what it's all about:)
This is what it’s all about:)

I felt like I was in an arena designed for The Hunger Games; as soon as we set foot on the trail, the clouds moved back in and the sleet began again in earnest. Still, it felt wonderful to be outside in the fresh air and to stretch our limbs cramped from our hideout in the tent. Even Tiger stopped shaking as he ran a few paces ahead of us, nose to the ground in search of Sasquatch.

How can you not be happy in this?
How can you not be happy in this?

By the time we had climbed up and around and back down, the weather had shifted again. The wind took on a nasty bite and even though it was not even 2 pm, the sky was quickly growing dim. We consulted the weather wizards again – the predicted high of 34 now looked like a Bahama summer. We would soon be looking at 20s. Low 20s.

See? Polar vortex.
See? Polar vortex.

If it was just us, we would simply add more layers to the outfits (we already looked like the kid from A Christmas Story) and more logs to the fire. But it wasn’t just us and our big-in-surface-area and sparse-in-body-hair pit bull was cold despite his jacket and his sheltered nest. Very cold. And there’s nothing more pitiful than a miserable and shaking 100 pound pit bull.

I thought about trying to build a snowman.
I thought about trying to build a snowman.

So we made the decision to make dinner early before seeking shelter yet again in the tent. I think the food in the cooler was warmer than the food outside. I’m not sure what the freeze point of an avocado is, but we found it. Once all of our bellies were full of warmish food, we retreated to the big house. Where, apart from a few frantic bladder runs, we spent the next 16 hours.

I just bought this tent (Big Agnes Big House 6) to replace an old one. It was great - highly recommended!
I just bought this tent (Big Agnes Big House 6) to replace an old one. It was great – highly recommended!

It could have been a horrible trip. We saw more of the inside of the tent than we did of the woods. We were cold and shivering much of the time, as the temperature inside the tent fell into the 30s. We were sore, our muscles cramping from holding awkward positions for hours on end. And our dog kept giving us evil looks like a sullen teenager.

NOT a happy camper!
NOT a happy camper!

But despite all of that, we had a great time. There were no grumbles. No complaints. It was an adventure to be enjoyed and time to be shared.

The only camping trip where we gained ice!
The only camping trip where we gained ice!

 

But most of all, it makes it wonderful to come home and makes us so grateful for the little things in life –

The coffee that stays warm for more than 60 seconds.

The toilet seats than don’t feel like they’re performing cryotherapy butt removal.

The toothpaste that isn’t frozen into an unusable brick and requires hot stone massage to even budge.

The bedroom that doesn’t make you dream of the North Pole or deep space with its frigid temperatures.

And the clothes, that once washed of their smoke and soot, can be worn again in single layers like a weight loss before and after advertisement.

Even Tiger looked as though he no longer took his favored sleeping spot for granted as he melted into the pillows with a contented grunt.

When we come home, we are always thankful for what we have.

photo 4-68

 

When we drove home from the mountains yesterday, we passed miles of traffic queued the other direction for a large outlet mall. I just had to shake my head at the thousands of people lining up to buy more.

Because when it comes down to it, happiness is not about having what you want, it’s about wanting what you have.

And sometimes the best gift doesn’t come from the store. It comes in the form of a reminder to be thankful for what you already have around you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Different Kind of November Challenge

It’s November.

The leaves are falling. The turkey recipes are circulating. The mustaches are growing. And the internet is awash in NaNoWriMo and gratitude lists.

I love those lists. I enjoy reading how people are thankful for their families, their jobs and their health. I smile when I see their pictures of cooing babies or mischievous puppies. I appreciate the renewed energy that spills from accounting one’s blessings.

Those lists are beautiful.

Heart warming,

But I also think they’re a cop-out.

It’s easy to be thankful for the good things in your life. It’s easy to summon gratitude for the people and situations that bring us joy.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s valuable to take the time to enumerate those things you appreciate.

But it’s even more valuable to find reasons to be thankful for those things which bring us pain or grief or anger.

 

Which leads me to my November challenge.

It doesn’t require that you forsake your razor.

Nor must you write for 30 consecutive days.

You do not even have to share your results with your Facebook feed.

 

But it won’t be easy.

I call it radical gratitude.
Radical because it’s intense.
Difficult.
Almost unthinkable.
But also because it has the chance of being life changing.

Identify the one person or thing or situation in your life that has caused you the most grief. The most pain. The most anger.

Find that dark hole that bleeds you.

That curse.

Maybe it’s an ex. Or an abusive parent. Perhaps it’s your job or lack thereof. Possibly, you face an illness that has stripped your body or had an accident that stole your health in one fell swoop. Maybe it’s not the presence of a person, but the loss of one.

Whatever it is, identify it.

And then be grateful for it. Create a list of ten reasons that you are thankful for your biggest challenge.

You can share it – here or elsewhere – or you can keep it to yourself.

But write it. Believe in it. And then release it.

 

You cannot choose what happens to you, but you can always choose how you respond.

You have the power to turn your greatest challenge into your biggest blessings.

I took this challenge myself several months ago and listed ten reasons I am thankful for my ex.

Read it.

And then write your own.

 

wrapping paper

A Letter to My Ex

Dear —–,

Fourteen years ago, I was preparing to marry you. I was so excited but, even more, I was so sure. Sure that we were so good together. Sure that we would continue to weather any storm. Sure that we would be together forever.

My belief in our marriage lasted until the day you left. I remember my shock, my disbelief so clearly. I couldn’t understand how you, my beloved husband, could do those things. Even now, four years later, I still don’t understand the choices you made. I suppose I never will.

In an instant, you went from the man I adored to a stranger I feared. In many ways, you have been dead to me since you left. I remember you as you were since I can’t comprehend what you’ve become. It’s almost as though you are two completely separate men to me — the one I was married to and the one who betrayed me. I just can’t understand how you could be both my protector and my persecutor.

Read the rest on The Huffington Post.

Look Back

Look Back