Practicing What I Preach

Posted on by stilllearning2b

First, please familiarize yourself with my post, This Is a Test of the Emergency Rant System. Done? Okay, now let’s get on with it.

Today was the first of many monthly payments on my ex-husband’s debt that I am responsible for (and we won’t even talk about the large sum that I paid last week to get the ball rolling). My hope all along was to be able to settle the debt in a lump sum so that I wouldn’t have the emotional bungee cord of monthly payments that can so easily pull me back into a state of anger and frustration. Obviously, my hope for a single lump sum did not manifest, so now I have to make the best out of the situation in which I find myself.

So, I am practicing what I preach. Each month, as I send the payment, I will add another item to a growing gratitude list. This forces me to steer my thoughts towards the present and the positive rather than getting mired in the muck of the past every lunar cycle. I won’t be sharing all of those on here, but I started with following today:

Brock – the love I never thought I would find

That’s a much nicer thought to be left with than one where I’m cursing my ex or wondering where the money went.

It’s strange. The loss of this money every month will hurt. It means that some things will have to be postponed indefinitely (Two Ladies Going to Verona) and my car better last for another 5 years. But still, it feels good in a purgative sort of way to release the funds. This is the last tangible tie (apart from the gift of crappy credit he left me with) to my ex and his deceptions. For 3 years, my money has not been securely mine as I’ve paid some of his debts and worked to negotiate others. With each payment, my burden of the past is lessened and I am one month closer to ownership of my income.

I’m not going to pretend it’s always easy. Some moments, I wish my checkbook had a special carbon where I could write a “Bad Karma” check to the bigamist at the same time I record a payment for his lies. The reality; however, is that such a check would hurt me more than it would hurt him simply by keeping my thoughts in the negative.

So, instead, I’ll picture a “Good Karma” carbon and I’ll focus on cultivating positive energy with each payment. Besides, I’m sure he’s cashing enough bad karma checks on his own; he doesn’t need me to endorse them.

In about two years, I’ll be free of this last tie to the past and I will have a wonderful list of 24 things for which I am grateful. I can live with that.

Catch

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Don’t Boil Your Beagles

Posted on by stilllearning2b

This sign is located off a country road outside of Helen, GA. It definitely leads to second and even third glances followed by quizzical looks to your driving companions. After a chuckle, the sign made me think. How often do we try to express ourselves in a similar manner?

One of the most frustrating positions to be in is to not feel listened to or understood. When this happens, we grow increasingly desperate. We feel like if we can just make the signs bold enough and colorful enough, our message will be clear. Perhaps we are placing emphasis on the wrong things.

Maybe what we need to focus on is empathy.

I know what you’re thinking – “You’re right! If he/she could just put him/herself in my shoes, then he/she would understand why I am so mad/sad/angry!”

That’s not what I’m talking about, however. You cannot force someone to empathize. But you can have empathy for them. Try looking at your message through their filters. Does it hit a nerve, causing them to flood or shut down? Or, perhaps they have never experienced anything of the sort and cannot relate at all. Try changing your approach to be more empathetic and speak to their experiences.Their response might surprise you. Empathy can be contagious.

Oh, and for the record, I prefer my Beagles with cream cheese.

This is a Test of the Emergency Rant System

Posted on by stilllearning2b
Emergency
Emergency (Photo credit: Terry Bain)

This is only a test. If this were a real rant, the computer would be out the window and my hands would be pummeling the heavy bag instead of the keyboard.

It is not fair.

It’s not fair that I am left cleaning up and facing the consequences of the enormous financial mess he left behind. I just found out today that it’s worse than I thought and I will be making payments on charges he ran up for the next few years. Every time I write that check, how do I keep from wondering what I’m paying for – women, booze, trips, gambling? What? When I tried to investigate the charges shortly after receiving the text, he changed the password while I was in the account. Covering tracks, I suppose.

The only reason he was on the card was so that he could handle the occasional phone calls needed for a dispute or issue since I couldn’t use the phone while teaching. Apparently he saw it – and me – as his personal ATM. I feel like I’m now paying penance for trusting him.

It is not fair.

I have worked so hard for so many years to try to get ahead. I gave up my intended career and over 100 college hours to follow him and support us while his employment was uncertain. I tutored for hours after school to make extra money to spend on trips or the hot tub we bought a year before he left. And after he left? I’ve had to be so careful with money. The lawyers, courts, and various other debts took my income that first year and made a significant dent the next two. I was just starting to breath, thinking I was making progress. But, no. Not yet. Even though he’s gone, he still manages to hurt me. It’s like the nightmare after the horror movie. I just want it to end.

It is not fair.

As far as I know, he continues to sidestep his responsibilities. They’re after him, but I don’t know if anything will ever come from it.

It is not fair.

But I’ll be okay.

Just like everything else, I’ll get through this. My marathon next week can be training for writing those damned checks. One check for every mile, perhaps. And when it’s done, it’s done. The end.

I’ll be okay.

My boyfriend’s response when I texted him the news today? “We will get through it together:).” Yes, we will. And, you know what? Coming home to a messy kitchen seems pretty silly compared to fraud.

I’ll be okay.

I’m lucky. I have it so much easier than divorced people with children to look out for. I have a solid career that gives me the ability to sign those accursed checks. This has an expiration date. I just wish I didn’t have to continue to hold on to the the soured milk.

I will be okay. I will end today grateful for what I have rather than cursing what was taken.

That is the conclusion of the test of our emergency rant system. We now resume our regular programming.

I Was Lucky

An Open Letter to the IRS

And, an update on the situation: Practicing What I Preach

When Am I Ever Gonna Use This?

Posted on by stilllearning2b
Saarbrücken, HTW, Mathematics Workshop
Saarbrücken, HTW, Mathematics Workshop (Photo credit: flgr)

“When am I ever gonna use this?” As an eighth-grade algebra teacher, I hear this refrain at least once a week. It’s a difficult question to answer. I mean, when is the last time that your employer asked you to factor a polynomial or prove two polygons congruent? The truth is that most of us will never use the myriad of math facts and algorithms in our post-school lives. However, that does not mean that math does not have some valuable lessons for us. The following are lessons that can be learned in an algebra classroom and applied in your life. No calculator required.

Read the rest on The Huffington Post.