This is a Test of the Emergency Rant System

Emergency
Emergency (Photo credit: Terry Bain)

This is only a test. If this were a real rant, the computer would be out the window and my hands would be pummeling the heavy bag instead of the keyboard.

It is not fair.

It’s not fair that I am left cleaning up and facing the consequences of the enormous financial mess he left behind. I just found out today that it’s worse than I thought and I will be making payments on charges he ran up for the next few years. Every time I write that check, how do I keep from wondering what I’m paying for – women, booze, trips, gambling? What? When I tried to investigate the charges shortly after receiving the text, he changed the password while I was in the account. Covering tracks, I suppose.

The only reason he was on the card was so that he could handle the occasional phone calls needed for a dispute or issue since I couldn’t use the phone while teaching. Apparently he saw it – and me – as his personal ATM. I feel like I’m now paying penance for trusting him.

It is not fair.

I have worked so hard for so many years to try to get ahead. I gave up my intended career and over 100 college hours to follow him and support us while his employment was uncertain. I tutored for hours after school to make extra money to spend on trips or the hot tub we bought a year before he left. And after he left? I’ve had to be so careful with money. The lawyers, courts, and various other debts took my income that first year and made a significant dent the next two. I was just starting to breath, thinking I was making progress. But, no. Not yet. Even though he’s gone, he still manages to hurt me. It’s like the nightmare after the horror movie. I just want it to end.

It is not fair.

As far as I know, he continues to sidestep his responsibilities. They’re after him, but I don’t know if anything will ever come from it.

It is not fair.

But I’ll be okay.

Just like everything else, I’ll get through this. My marathon next week can be training for writing those damned checks. One check for every mile, perhaps. And when it’s done, it’s done. The end.

I’ll be okay.

My boyfriend’s response when I texted him the news today? “We will get through it together:).” Yes, we will. And, you know what? Coming home to a messy kitchen seems pretty silly compared to fraud.

I’ll be okay.

I’m lucky. I have it so much easier than divorced people with children to look out for. I have a solid career that gives me the ability to sign those accursed checks. This has an expiration date. I just wish I didn’t have to continue to hold on to the the soured milk.

I will be okay. I will end today grateful for what I have rather than cursing what was taken.

That is the conclusion of the test of our emergency rant system. We now resume our regular programming.

I Was Lucky

An Open Letter to the IRS

And, an update on the situation: Practicing What I Preach

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19 thoughts on “This is a Test of the Emergency Rant System

  1. Ugh. It is unfair. You will be ok. It is unfair. Holy crap. I want to punch the heavy bag for you.
    When I was training for my first MS150 ride my mentor coached me to ride 80 straight miles without stopping. Why 80? I asked. Because once I reached 80 miles I had less to go than I had already gone. What a revelation. Here was someone I was counting on to get me to the point that I could complete a 150 mile ride and all he was worried about was the first 80. It’s not about getting to the end. The end is 150 miles from the beginning. Sure, the end felt great, but once I hit 80 miles, once I had that many miles under my belt, the remaining 70 miles were nothing. I had already finished 80 miles, another 70 didn’t feel like all that much, and I had already proved to myself that I could do more.

  2. I really like the way you write… I feel like I got to know you!
    I’m so sorry for your mishap but I truly admire your fighting spirit… you’re better than him and you’re doing the right thing by living your life to fullest 🙂 All the best..

  3. People like that are poison…. You will get to the end and when you do… You will experience gratefulness, real love and wisdom like you’ve never experienced before! (Hugs)

  4. It’s not right, but it’s okay..I’m gonna make it anyway… -Whitney Houston
    XO! you are stronger than you know!

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