What “Gone Girl” Can Teach Us About Marriage

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Spoiler alert: It is impossible to discuss the book Gone Girl without revealing some of the plot. It is an enjoyable read and one that is best if you enter with an unsullied mind. Please read the book before you read my post. Thanks!

Our first glimpse into Nick and Amy’s marriage is that of an outside observer. Marriages are never what they seem to the external world. The gentle man at work may be the enforcer at home. The confident woman strutting through the mall may be insecure behind closed doors. The couple that doesn’t touch much at the movies may spent hours intertwined once they return home. Nick and Amy wanted to project the image of a healthy marriage. A lie that slipped in through the cracks of the closed doors of their relationship.

Amy entered into the marriage as a character. She cast herself in the role of the “cool girl,” losing herself before the vows were even spoken. The facade wears thin, as all masks do, and she begins to blame her husband for a role she chose for herself. When the book opens, she has disappeared. At first, we shift the blame for her supposed abduction to her husband. Then we realize she is the one to blame for her own actions.

Obviously, the actions in the book are more extreme than in a usual marriage, but they still have ties to common marital issues. Amy completely subjugated herself for the relationship. For the image of a perfect marriage. When she realized she was unhappy, she chose to shift the blame for her actions to her partner that was unaware of her deceptions. She ran away to run from the persona she created. This pattern of failing to take responsibility for one’s own happiness and then blaming the spouse for the lack of contentment is all too common. Just as the pattern did not work too well for Amy, it doesn’t work in the real world either. You can disappear, but the unhappiness will be on your tail.

Amy was not the only weak link in the union. Rather than face his growing feelings of isolation and shame related to his failed career, Nick chose to seek attention in the arms of another. He tried to solve one problem by creating another. He also ran from the marriage, but his trek didn’t take him on the road.

Nick and Amy lived in a world of facades, more concerned about the illusions than the realities. In the end, they decide to settle for the illusion. It is an ending that has received much complaint and push-back. Perhaps because we want to believe that they can conjure up real love from the smoke and mirrors.

If we want real love in our lives, it has to start with authenticity. Be true to yourself and reveal yourself to your partner. Take responsibility for your actions and your own happiness. Love comes with imperfections and acceptance. Don’t get so carried away with the face of the marriage that is presented to the world that you forget to nurture it behind closed doors.

Gone Girl makes a much better read than Fifty Shades of Grey, but I still think the latter makes for a better party theme.

And now that you’ve read Gone Girl, check out Lessons From the End of a Marriage🙂

So, I Have Concluded…

Posted on by stilllearning2b

that Fifty Shades of Grey makes a much better party theme than a book.  My friend who threw the party is truly a hostess with the mostess.  Just two of her brilliant (along with some help from her husband) ideas:

A sweet, yet tart mix of Skittles and M&M’s:)

And…

A Grey Goose Martini (of course) with a zip tie holding the olives.  How delightfully clever!

I also have to add that our conversations put the passages in the book to shame.  We may not have a Mr. Grey around, but none of us were as demure and naive as poor little Ms. Steele.  We take things into our own hands.

Fifty Shades of Grey Through the Eyes of a Divorcee

 

On the Menu: Low Carb Pasta and Baked Zucchini Fries

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I made a mistake last week.  We are in the midst of testing season at school which means the daily schedule is put in blender and spit back out.  As a result, I ended up with 3 days last week with no lunch period, meaning I had to attempt to eat (two hours past my normal lunch time) while speed-teaching 22 minute classes.  The mistake?  I packed a high-fiber, voluminous lunch with lots of beans, greens, and cauliflower that my body didn’t like ingesting rapidly and my palate did not enjoy cold.

I’m learning.  We have another round of testing this week and I am packing a lower-fiber spread that will be fine if I do not have access to the microwave.  My stomach is breathing a sigh of relief.

Black Bean Pasta With Raw Marinara

As a gluten-free gal, I had pretty much given up on ever being able to eat pasta again that wasn’t loaded with simple carbs and entirely devoid of protein.  Then I found this hiding on the bottom shelf in a local health food store.  I brought it home, a bit dubious that the texture and flavor would be as good as the nutritional profile (17 g carbs and 20 g protein!!!).  I mixed up a quick pesto sauce in my food processor, cooked the pasta, and tossed it together.  It. Was. Amazing.  It felt right in the mouth, tasted great, and filled me up like only protein can.

A few days later, I went back to the store to buy more of the mung bean fettuccine and to pick up the black bean spaghetti.  The shelves were empty:(  Panicked (I NEEDED this stuff now), I visited my Amazon site. Placed an order.  Several days later, I received an email that they were sold out.  Not one to give up easily, I found another site that carries the pastas.  I received my first order of the black bean spaghetti last week and I am excited to try it in this week’s recipe.

I needed a sauce that would be good cold and I wanted something different than the pesto I used earlier.  I decided to try the marinara recipe from here, but I added onion, garlic, and mushrooms.  What?  I said I had to be able to eat quickly; I never said anything about my breath having to smell nice:)  I topped the spaghetti with a vegan “cheese” made of walnuts and nutritional yeast for a little extra yum and a little extra protein.

Pasta.  $6  Tomatoes.  $3  The look of utter horror on my students’ faces when they see me eating black pasta with red sauce.  Priceless.

Baked Zucchini Fries

This is another recipe from Lean, Luscious, and Meatless, my favorite book from childhood that has disappeared from print.

4 zucchini, end cut off and sliced longwise into 1/8″ slices

dip these into a mixture of flax seed (the cookbook uses wheatgerm, but that whole gluten thing gets in the way), garlic powder, paprika, and oregano

Arrange cut side up on a cookie sheet and bake at 450° for 15 minutes.  Extra yummy served with tomato sauce.

 

A bonus of this week’s meal?  It’s quick to prepare, leaving me with plenty of time to read Fifty Shades of Grey, a reading assignment from a coworker.

I’ll top this off with some strawberries and a protein shake that can be quickly downed discretely.  Here’s to a happier tummy and the last week of testing!

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