Guest Post: Proof Divorce Can Make You Happier

When you’re in the midst of it, divorce and happiness seem mutually exclusive. As though you’re not only divorcing your spouse, but also splitting from your ability to ever smile again.

This post gives hope that happiness can follow on the heels of divorce. That sometimes losing what we thought we wanted can sometimes be exactly what we need.

 

Proof Divorce Can Make You Happier

The decision to end a marriage inevitably comes bundled up with worry and anxiety. It’s only human to find yourself wondering whether you’re making a mistake; whether this decision will continue to have negative repercussions – particularly with regards to your mental health – long after the divorce has been finalised.

As familiar as such concerns will be to anyone that has been through or is considering a divorce, though, a recent study conducted by UK-based Quickie Divorce has revealed that they’re often unfounded.

We polled 100 former customers whose divorces had been finalised more than two years ago. We asked them, simply, how happy they now felt and whether they regretted their divorce. Their responses were, we’re pleased to report, overwhelmingly positive.

Of the 100 people we polled, 83 informed us that they were much happier and that they believed that their decision to end their marriage was the right one. Of the remaining 17 respondents, only two informed us that they regretted their decision to end their marriage with the remaining 15 stating that, whilst they believed that they did not regret their divorces, they had found it difficult to adjust to their new lives. All but four of these respondents also informed us, however, that they still felt optimistic for the future and that they believed that they had found it difficult to adapt because they had not established a solid support network following the end of their marriages.

A large number of respondents – 37 to be precise – also reported that they were now in new long-term relationships. In addition, 22 of these individuals stated that they had learnt lessons from their marriages that had benefited their new relationships. In particular, they felt that they were now better at compromising and were more considerate of their partner’s needs.

One of the most common concerns amongst parents that are considering a divorce is that it will have both a significant and adverse effect on the children of the marriage but, of the 73 respondents who had children, only two informed us that they believed that their children had struggled following their divorce. The remaining 71 reported that they felt that their children had benefited from both their and their spouse’s determination to remain civil and create co-parenting plans that were robust enough to meet the needs of both parties and their children.

Ultimately, the pertinent findings of this study are that the vast majority of respondents felt much happier following their divorce, that divorce does not necessarily harm any children involved and that establishing a strong support network during a divorce – as well as maintaining it following the marriage having legally ended – is vital for the emotional wellbeing of those involved.

More important, though, is the fact that this study shows that the worries that so often accompany the decision to end a marriage are often baseless. Indeed, when we asked respondents what advice they would give to anyone that is considering a divorce, their guidance could, without exception, be summarised with one simple statement: trust your judgement.

 

Jay Williams works for Quickie Divorce, one of the largest providers of uncontested divorce solutions in the United Kingdom.

 

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Looking For the Sun

It’s been a rough few weeks.

It turns out having a puppy on forced bed rest with a broken leg is a lot like having a newborn. He’s up throughout the night (necessitating my sleeping on the sofa). Feedings and medications seem to endlessly cycle throughout the day. He can’t be left alone, leaving both my husband and I feeling frustrated and trapped and irritable (especially when he eats his cast and requires a new one).

In my zombified state, I’ve walked out of the house for work with only one earring in and with my hair only halfway in a ponytail. Instead of baby spit-up on my clothes, I have leaves and dog hair and mud from the crazy routine needed to hold up a 60-lb dog’s back end while they use the bathroom during a wet (but thankfully, warm) winter.

Adding to it, I’ve been sick. Not the flu (thank goodness!), but a sinus infection/bronchitis with a dash of pneumonia that I let go for far too long without medical intervention. (Again, like with a newborn, I’ve had no time or energy to take care of my own needs). It’s taken almost a week of heavy-duty medications to get my breathing back under some semblance of control.

And yet…

My dog wags his tail every time I enter the room. And needing to keep him calm leaves room for lots of puppy snuggles.

His injury may have interrupted normal puppy socialization and training, but it has made us bond with him faster and has accelerated trust.

My husband and I may be frustrated with the situation (and at times, each other), but we’re working together as a team to get through this.

My husband has a break from the house for a few days (he’s actually recording a television show!!!) and I’m hopeful that he’ll be able to recharge.

The current rainy weekend and being tied to the house will give me plenty of time to catch up on much-needed rest (especially because the pupster is now sleeping through the night again!).

Amazon Prime is amazing when you need supplies for work and home and you’re not able to get to the store.

And, most importantly, this too shall pass.

Kazh gets re-xrayed on the 20th and will hopefully receive clearance to be a puppy again (although probably one with a peanut butter addiction after the amount we’ve used to get his medications down!). My cough will eventually fade and I’ll be able to lace up my running shoes or roll out my yoga mat. My husband and I will be able to re-engage in normal life and actually leave the house together.

And this dreary and rainy February will be followed with sunny days.

 

 

 

Five Vows to Make With Yourself After Divorce

Divorce affects us all differently. Some come out of the courthouse immediately feeling lighter, while others carry the heavy weight of sadness for many years. Some look forward to a new beginning; others grow fearful or hopeless about their imagined futures. Some cry. Some scream. Some grow bitter. And some grow more determined.

Yet no matter your personal circumstances or your individual response to divorce, this is an opening. An opportunity. A chance for you to take stock of your life, realign yourself with your values and purpose and make a commitment.

Not to another.

But to yourself.

These are the five promises I made to myself after divorce (I think #5 was the hardest and also the most important).

Have you made vows with yourself after your divorce? If not, maybe it’s time. After all, the promises we make to ourselves are perhaps the most important ones of all.

On a Dime

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly life can change.

How fast it can go from routine to survival.

How rapidly the big priorities are forgotten once other needs force their way to the top of the heap.

And how suddenly the attitude can shift from high expectations to one of immense gratitude for even the smallest blessings.

One week ago today, things were good. Normal. I snapped this picture of Kazh on our morning walk and captioned it, “Bat Boy.”

A few hours later, a normal walk became an impossibility.

Filled with more enthusiasm than grace, our boy broke his leg later that afternoon in a heroic attempt to catch a tennis ball.

It was bad. Brock and I both heard the snap of the bone and we both cried out that his leg was broken. We rushed to our vet, thankfully just down the street.

In the exam room, our emotions were high. Not only was it hard to see him consumed with pain and fear, it was all-too-familiar waiting on news from the vet. Tiger’s loss is still very fresh.

We were sent home with pain medication, a temporary splint and a CD with X-rays that confirmed the break, due to be delivered the following day to the surgeon.

It was a long night. Brock built me a pallet on the floor next to Kazh’s bed. The initial shock had worn off and the medication wasn’t able to eliminate the pain. All I could do was hold him as he cried and shook.

The break was a doozy- a spiral fracture the entire length of the tibia, missing the ankle by a mere millimeter. The surgeon implanted a plate, held with twelve screws.

And now the long, slow and frustrating process of healing has begun.

As soon as the bone was anchored, his pain became manageable. However, he’s not allowed to bear weight on the injured limb for several weeks.

It’s like having a newborn. He can’t be left alone. He’s on a regular schedule of food and medication. And a simple trip to the bathroom requires a waterproof sock over his cast, a sling under his belly and a leash to hold him back from his instinct to run and play.

It’s hard right now. We’re all sleep deprived. Stressed. And having a hard time accepting the slow pace of healing and the restrictions it requires.

And yet, we’re incredibly grateful that our boy will be okay, that we’re able to take care of him and that we have each other to help us through.

Life. It definitely keeps us on our toes.

Four Surprising Emotions You May Experience When You’ve Been Cheated On

Shock?

Check.

 

Anger?

In droves.

 

Sadness?

The tears were surely a testament to that.

 

Fear of what was to come?

In every moment.

 

Those were some of the emotions that I experienced when I discovered that my first husband had been having an affair. None of those feelings surprised me; they were the emotions I would have expected to follow the gut-wrenching discovery of betrayal.

But they weren’t the only feelings that I experienced. And the others caught me off-guard. Here are four unexpected emotions that you may experience after the discovery of infidelity.