Growing Older, Growing Wiser…IF You Keep This in Mind

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Have you noticed that some people seem to find their inner zen and worldly wisdom as they age while others only seem to settle into negativity and bitterness?

Have you ever wondered why that is?

As we get older, there are two opposing forces that can impact our general happiness and outlook. Two divergent agencies both raising their voices to be heard.

Which one will you listen to?

The Voice of Life Lost

When I look around me, I see some people who have made it beyond middle age without suffering any major setbacks or losses. But only a few. I’m convinced that wrinkles are only partially due to thinning collagen and the relentless pull of gravity. I think wrinkles are the visible signs of the emotional scars we carry in ever-increasing numbers.

And as those hurts and losses begin to compound, it’s easy to become buried. Become embittered. It may seem that there is more lost than has ever been gained and the thought of trying again feels insurmountable. With so many difficult life experiences, everything can become tainted, turning the once-innocuous into a potential trigger.

Some people let this toxicity build like an algal bloom on a once-clear lake, blocking out all of the light and choking out all of the life. Their lives become a tally of what has happened and how they’ve been targeted by misfortune.

As they grow older, they become more agitated, more pessimistic and often as a result, more alone.

The Voice of Life Lived

And then there are those who listen to the other voice. These souls are no more fortunate, no less likely to have experienced hardship. They simply hear a different message.

They look back at their long lives with its many struggles with the gift of perspective. Perhaps they are able to see how something that was devastating at the time became a gift, even though it was unwanted and a great price, after the passage of the seasons. They view their myriad losses at part of the signs of a life spent giving and loving rather than focusing on what is no longer present.

Instead of questioning why things happened to them, they are able to look back with a sense of quiet pride that they made it through so many trials. And that confidence gives them the optimism that they’ll make it through the next one as well. With time and practice, coping skills and strategies have been perfected and practiced, using the difficult times as opportunities to become better.

Instead of focusing on what they don’t have with bitterness, they view what they do have with gratitude.

Thankful for every moment and every breath.

We all have both voices speaking to us, the proverbial devil and angel perched upon our shoulders. Which voice will you listen to – the one who counsels misery or the one that brings you inner peace and wisdom?

 

 

Guest Post: How Life’s Struggles Shouldn’t Rob You Of Its Joy

Posted on by stilllearning2b

My grandmother has faced so many enormous struggles in her almost 100 years on this earth. And it seems she has emerged from each one wiser and more joyful. Not because of the struggles, but because of her determination to not allow the bad days to steal her smile.

When my own bad days threatened to consume me, I thought of my grandmother and her continued joy. It seemed like a good mindset to strive for.

Guest poster Dave Scott has also reached that mindset and he shares with you his story along with some encouragement to keep your smile bright.

How Life’s Struggles Shouldn’t Rob You Of Its Joy

Life has never been easy for me.

There’s never been an ‘simple-street’ that I got to live on.

My journey on this earth has been one challenge after another, and it often times seems like one monumental conflict.

Can you relate?

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this.

Tourette Syndrome

When I was seven years old, I was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome (TS).

Tourette’s is a neurological disorder that involves uncontrollable repetitive movements or unwanted sounds, called tics.

Some tics that are common to those with Tourette’s are repeatedly blinking the eyes, shrugging shoulders, or blurting out offensive words.

Ever see the Rob Schneider movie, Deuce Bigelow: Male Gigolo? There’s a scene where he goes on a date with a lady that’s afflicted with TS. It’s actually a hilarious scene, but definitely not for little eyes, if you know what I mean. This scene will give you an idea of what TS is..albeit a bit skewed.

TS isn’t catchy, or dangerous. I got because someone in my family has it. It’s a genetic disorder. And it sucks.

Because I was diagnosed with TS back in the 80’s, there was very little knowledge about the disorder. Many of those in my life were incredibly ignorant about what I was going through. (my family excluded; they were amazing)

I was labeled a “trouble-maker” and “weird” by school counselors, and mercilessly picked on from the age of seven through middle school. (the harassment died down the bigger and older I got)

TS is a part of me. I embrace it. I don’t run from it. I also don’t have any super-crazy symptoms that you would notice, today.

But if you ever notice me doing a weird motion with my face, I promise I’m not chewing on lemons.

Chunk

If you’ve ever watched the movie The Goonies, you’d undoubtedly remember Chunk. He was the main character’s best buddy, and he was also the resident chubby kid.

I resembled Chunk’s body-type from about eight years old until I turned twelve. At twelve, my body leaned up and I’ve been the same, semi-fit shape ever since.

As you know, kids can be cruel. Not only was having Tourette’s tough, but I was overweight as well. It’s like having two strikes against me for the kids who enjoyed making fun of others.

I got into fights (just a few), struggled with depression, felt lonely and sad. I was suicidal and a very angry young man.

Being overweight was nothing short of terrible, coupled with having Tourette’s.

A brush with death

To add to the messiness of life, I then almost died in horrendous skiing accident in December of 1994. I was skiing over Christmas break with my brothers and was attempting to keep up with them.

Trying to keep up with my brothers was my first mistake, as they’re both much better athletes than I am.

In my feeble attempt to chase them, I decided to hug inanimate object, while traveling at a high speed.

I was rushed to a regional hospital where I was immediately thrown into surgery.

While on the operating table, my blood pressure dropped and my heart stopped.

Twice.

I had lost so much blood because of internal bleeding that my heart was fighting to keep beating. I didn’t know any of this, of course, as I was sedated during surgery, but found out afterwards.

Post surgery, I’ll never forget the conversation with the doctors. I remember the doctors giving me their grim prognosis. They told me that I may not walk again, and probably wouldn’t run again due to the injuries. (I fractured my hip, shattered my pelvis, and broke my tailbone)

Life was not awesome in my teens.

I’m also not sure which was worse: being diagnosed with a weird, neurological disorder, the consequences of being overweight, or being paralyzed for a period of time.

The encouragement of your experience

During all this, I heard something incredibly profound.

I heard a pastor say “your experience is your testimony.”

This is one of the wisest things I’ve ever heard. The meaning of this nugget of wisdom is simple: your journey in life, however tumultuous, is a period of time that when shared, can encourage others.

My life-experiences have shaped who I am, today. I’m proud of them. I’m grateful for them, despite the pain.

But my story, and yours, shouldn’t be be kept a secret. The intent is to share them, with the appropriate persons and under the right situation.

The trick is to use your experience as a tool to encourage others to rise above their current pain and become better.

Not finding joy

It’s hard to find joy when you’re in a heartbreaking season. There was a time that I was miserable, going through what I did.

You might have a lot of unhappiness in your life. The idea of joy in your everyday routine may seem like a distant memory.

You might have a physical ailment that’s limiting you. You may be suffering from some rare physical condition that’s not ideal. Or you might have a terrible addiction, or be in a marriage that’s completely dead.

Perhaps you’re living through a time of financial or professional stress. Maybe you’re about to become an empty-nester as your child goes off to college only to be faced with the reality of having to get reacquainted with your spouse after years and years of putting the needs of your kids first, and your marriage second.

Whatever you’re going through, there are definitely plenty of reasons that can keep us from finding joy.

You have 2 choices

As humans we were created with a thing called freewill.

Whatever your circumstance, you have the power of freewill, which is the ability to make choices that affect your overall mindset.

When faced with these times, we have 2 options:

  1. Let your circumstance consume you with fear, anger, and self-doubt.
  2. Choose to use your current condition to as a stepping stone to something bigger.

When the doctors gave me my grave outlook, I was angry. I was so angry. But within a year, I was running, jogging and playing soccer. The joy I found took years to find. I had freewill and made the decision to change my mindset, and as a result, the joy came over time.

With my Tourette’s, instead of avoiding people in public for the fear of ridicule, I chose to walk with my head high and chest out, with a sense of God-given confidence that no one could shatter.

I was determined not to let what I was going through define me or keep me down.

What’s your mindset?

Or are you depressed and playing the victim? Or are you willing to approach life differently by choosing joy, instead of being defeated?

Is your choice to simply say ‘I can’t‘, thus self-defeating yourself before you get started, or is your decision one that finds joy in a mindset that lives in confidence that you can accomplish anything through the power of your Creator.

It’s okay to be emotional

Let me add a disclaimer here, so you don’t think that what I’m saying is some kind of always-be-positive-mantra from a Joel Osteen book, or a Deepak Chopra meme.

It is more than okay to be emotional, when facing a difficult period in your life.

In the book, The Emotionally Church by Peter Scazzero, he’s very clear about grieving. Grieving is a natural part of our DNA as humans. It’s how we were created.

Grieving, and more importantly grieving your limitations, is normal and should be celebrated.

It is okay to allow grief and sadness to be a part of your emotional journey, in order to get through hard times. You need to allow this to be a part of your emotional process.

But you can’t live here forever.

Bitterness, anger, and generally treating people around you like a jerk, is not part of the healing process when experiencing hardships.

And perhaps that’s you. If you’ve spent a period of time in your life, whatever the length, being mean, letting bitterness, anger and frustration rule your emotions then you have some apologizing and reconciling to do. I’d encourage you to do some introspection and then create a list of people that you need to reconcile with, because chances are you’ve allowed your feelings to hurt those around you.

Again, it’s okay to be emotional and extend yourself grace. We are often our worst enemies when it comes to self-criticism. So go easy on yourself, and instead have a plan to grieve, and then eventually you’ll heal and be able to successfully move forward.

Don’t rob yourself

In life you’ll encounter trials. You’ll have moments where you simply want to give up, because you’re facing insurmountable odds. Times where the joy may seem like complete darkness.

But it’s not. Joy is present. It always is.

What are you facing today that is requiring a mindset change, and a good dose of joy?

What joy can you find in your life?

 

self1Dave Scott is blogger, writer, and marketer currently living in Fargo, North Dakota. Dave grew up in the Minneapolis and St. Paul area and is a father, husband, son, and lover of technology. Dave’s not an expert or a guru. He just thinks you’re awesome and want you to know that, too, by writing about topics that inspire and encourage others.

Legacy

Posted on by stilllearning2b

During periods of struggle in my life, my maternal grandmother has been my lighthouse. She has endured many hardships during her 94 years and each one has caused her to embrace life with even more passion and vigor. She showed me from a very young age that although you cannot always change your circumstances, you can always change your attitude.

I’ve always identified with my grandmother; we have similar wiring that causes us to think (and often over think!) through problems, planning every little detail. This means that we’re always prepared, but it also can create needless worry about things that may never occur. We are both driven by a hunger to know more, understand more. And we both have a memory that is both a blessing and a curse, that retains and replays every life scene.

Her lessons make me laugh, as they never come in the expected form of words from a grandmother to a child. Her wisdom is transmitted through quips and actions that reveal the astuteness beneath. Here are a few of her pearls and the gifts beneath.

Tenacity

When I was in second grade, I was assigned a project to collect and identify seeds from several different trees. As an overachiever, I was not content to simply utilize the trees around my home in Texas, so I asked my grandmother to send me some from Wisconsin. A few days later, I opened an envelope with an assortment of seeds and a handwritten piece of paper detailing their origin. I promptly glued those seeds along with their southern relatives on a piece of poster board, labeled each find and turned it in. I was done. But grandma was just getting started. For the next three years, I would periodically receive an envelope filled with more seeds. I don’t think she stopped until she had collected genetic material from every tree in the state.

Play

One of my favorite memories of my grandmother is from a visit when I was a teenager. All of the cousins were present on this visit and the decision was made (probably for sanity’s sake) for the entire family to go to the water park. I assumed my grandmother, who was around 80 at the time, would elect to stay home or, at the very least, stay with the bags and the baby while the rest of us tackled the slides. I could not have been more wrong. There is something about the sight of an 80-year-old woman squealing with joy beneath her flowered swim cap going down a water slide that makes everyone smile.

Openness

I first moved in with my ex husband when we were just 19. I was nervous about my grandmother’s reaction. And shocked when I received it. One day, mere weeks after moving in, I received an envelope with a check for $200 (a fortune to two 19-year-olds just starting out) and a note that read, “This is a gift in stages for a marriage in stages.”

Curiosity

I think my grandmother could probably secure a job as a presidential advisor. No, seriously. She craves knowledge like a retriever follows a tennis ball. When mobility issues started to keep her home more, she found ways to bring the world to her. It’s not unusual for her to know about a weather event or other news story in my area before I do. Even though she has never been able to visit me in my 15 years in Atlanta, give her a map and she could plot every place I’ve ever lived and worked. Let’s just say we should all be appreciative she uses her powers for good, not evil.

Defiance

I have always been a rule follower. My grandmother is a rule breaker. No need to alert the police, she doesn’t speed or jaywalk or anything of that nature. But she also doesn’t let other’s rules box her in. Women aren’t supposed to do that? Hogwash. I’m too old? Watch this. Oh, I’m not supposed to think that way? Tough. At times, she has faced consequences for her actions, but she doesn’t waver.

Acceptance

I made a trek to Wisconsin mere weeks after Brock and I started dating. When I saw his picture on my grandmother’s fridge, I was a bit startled. It seemed too soon; I wasn’t sure this guy deserved a place among the family yet. “Don’t worry,” my grandmother replied to my inquisition with a smile, “It’s not up there with glue.”

Gratitude

My grandmother has nursed enough people to earn an honorary RN. She has survived the death of two husbands. She kept her family going through the depression and other hardships. She faced more obstacles than a participant in a mud run. And the amazing part? She never complains. No matter what life throws at her, she turns it over to see the positives hidden beneath.

Her legacy is in her lessons, now passed on to her children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and anyone else who has crossed her path.

 

 

 

We Are Women

Posted on by stilllearning2b

 

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” Marianne Williamson

photo-265

On the surface, it was a simple girl’s weekend at the beach. But much lies beneath the waves at the ocean in the form of great beauty and unexplored possibilities.

On the surface, we were five women with toned figures and painted nails, armed with the foods, drinks and clothes to celebrate a weekend away from our normal lives and responsibilities. But much lies beneath the façade of a woman in the form of great power and untapped potential.

We were more strangers than friends when we first gathered at the rented beach house late Friday afternoon. A proposal was made that we draw names – the selected slip bearing the name of the woman we were to focus on that weekend so that we could reveal her greatest gifts to her in our final conversation.

Names drawn, the weekend began. Stories were told and topics were broached. Our laughter echoed through the home and our tears stained our cheeks. Meals were prepared and consumed. We watched sunsets and sunrises from the decks and explored the roads on runs. We walked to the beach only to have to run home in the monsoon that soon appeared. We danced and sang and we didn’t get much sleep.

Through it all, we watched and we listened to the woman bearing our selected name. Becoming more aware in each moment that we all brought different gifts to the table and that we each had what another lacked.

Sunday morning came all too soon. We gathered one last time with the intent of revealing what we learned about each other. We soon realized that each woman, powerful in her own beautiful way, embodied a different characteristic of womanhood and had a lesson to teach the rest of us.

Empathy

The first gifts to be revealed were that of the woman who possessed a quiet power and a willing ear. She would observe and reflect only later to release wisdom without assumption. She embodied the feminine caregiver, the nurturer that reaches out to assist those in need. Her journey has her learning how to set boundaries and the importance of taking care of yourself before you can help others.

Lesson: Embrace your nurturing nature yet remember that you are only responsible for your own happiness and well-being.

Strength

The next up was a woman who personifies strength. Her tall, solid frame speaks to her physical power, her sturdy muscles taut beneath the skin. Her tattoos are a testament of her resiliency though life’s trials. She is larger than life and does everything to the utmost. She is statuesque in frame and in spirit, as others look up to her as a model for their own lives. She has faced opposition from those who are intimidated by her feminine strength and seek to subdue it. Yet female strength is not something shameful; it is something to be celebrated. And celebrate it we did!

Lesson: Celebrate who you are and do not allow others to force you into hiding.

Passion

This woman was the last to show up at the home on Friday. She brought sunshine in the door behind her. Her big smile, loud unapologetic laugh and sense of play brought an amazing energy to the group. She embraces her sexuality and understands its power. Rather than trying to intimidate others with her beauty, she seeks to reveal and revel in the beauty of others.

Lesson: Celebrate life’s joys and do not be ashamed of pleasure. Laugh often and laugh loud.

Voice

This powerful woman was the one who made this weekend happen. She is assertive and strong, never afraid to speak her mind or to speak up for those who can’t for themselves. She has learned how to lead through inspiration and knows how to teach and open minds without relying on preaching. When others speak, she listens and when she speaks, the world listens.

Lesson: Create change by dreaming big and inspiring those around you to dream even bigger.

Spirit

The last woman is a testament of the power of the human spirit. She is resilient and determined, not content to take the easy road. She uses her story to motivate others to move beyond hardship and struggle. She sees potential for growth and opportunity in every challenge.

Lesson: You are only a victim if you imprison yourself. Release yourself from your past and let your spirit soar.

We are women. We are powerful beyond measure.

These are blogs run by two of the other women on the trip. I’m sure they will be sharing their own experiences about the weekend as well:) Check them out!

Fit is the New 40

Imperfect Yoga and Coaching

Through a Child’s Eyes

Posted on by stilllearning2b

English: Child (close-up).

 

Through a child’s eyes.

 

What do we mean when we use this phrase? These words that try to capture the wonderment and excitement in the youth as they experience something new? What is it that makes it childlike and how can we capture that feeling even when our eyes are framed in crow’s feet?

 

Children have limited experience. They rarely encounter something expecting to have seen it before. They are less apt to compare the present to some remembered past because their mental files are sparse and not yet well organized.

 

They take each day as an adventure with limitless possibilities. They refused to be restrained by such concepts as impossibilities, rather they remain open to any outcome, no matter how implausible.

 

They are less apt to judge, to censor an occurrence with thoughts of “should” or “must.” They accept the present at face value.

 

Children are notoriously bad at planning. When they are engaged in an activity, they tend to be focused on that moment alone, even if only for the briefest of times. They are not doing one thing while mentally rehearsing for the next.

Just because our childhoods are behind us does mean we cannot still see with childlike eyes. Approach with an open mind, be open to the possibilities, avoid judgement and be in the moment.

And, please, for the sake of all of us, leave the temper tantrums and terrible twos in the past:)