Divorce is disorienting. You find yourself topsy-turvy in a world suddenly devoid of sense and reason. It is though the book of your life was suddenly ripped in two and you are standing midway through the story with no idea where the narrative goes next. Those are scary days but they are also moments filled with possibility if you know how to tap into them. Writing has a way of helping you make sense of the senseless and find your path again. Read the rest on Huffington Post.
I used to let my story tell me. I was the first wife of the bigamist. I was the woman whose husband left with a text message. I was the runner who could barely walk after my world was washed away with a tsunami divorce. I used to let my story tell me. Until I learned how to tell my story. Click to read the rest of the post on All Things Healing and learn about the workshop that caused my perspective to shift.
Try shifting your mind: instead of thinking of your trauma as something that happened TO you, try thinking of it as a part of your story. When it is your story, you are the one in control. You can revise, edit, even add or eliminate entire chapters if needed. Here are some hints on how you can learn to embrace your story and use it to help yourself and others.
When I share my story, one of the most frequent questions I get is, “Where is he now?” I don’t know the answer to that question. Here is what I do know.
From the day he left in July of 2009 until the divorce in 2010, I kept tabs on him. I had my ways. From this, I learned that his wife, who left him upon his arrest, elected to take him back (I even knew when she had dental work done). I knew he spent time at his parent’s house in our hometown. He visited his wife’s family. I knew the newlyweds went to Uganda in February of 2010. If you’re looking for a laugh, try telling your divorce attorney that your husband is in Africa with his wife (showering with monkeys, according to her blog) weeks before his court date. Based upon the look on her face, I don’t think she gets that one much… I kept up with him over those months because his actions still affected me. He still could harm me financially; his presence in court could change the outcome, and I was still afraid of running into him.
The last day I checked on his where-a-bouts was the day after the divorce. I figure at this point, his story is no longer tied to mine, and I don’t want to live my life trying to figure out what he is doing. This decision has not always been easy. He has not upheld his financial or legal obligations in the divorce, with the IRS, or in the felony bigamy charge. There are times that I am so angry, that I want to find him and try to make him face these issues. The reality is that I don’t want to be his bounty hunter, even if it means I never get the money owed me.
There are also times that curiosity tries to get the best of me. Is he alive or dead? In the country or an ex-pat? Still with the wife? Living in the same area where I might run into him? These are just questions that I really don’t need to know the answer to. Right now, all I have is the hope that wherever he is, he is not lying, manipulating, and devastating anyone else. The only place he exists for me is in my memories and that is where I want him to stay.
More Information: Who Is He?
Update: A Strange Place to Be
Update April 2013: Facing the Dragon
To read the rest of the story, click here.
Lessons From the End of a Marriage 