Uncategorized

I Feel Angry

Posted on November 10, 2014November 11, 2014 by stilllearning2b

The journal I kept in those early months after he left is warped and torn. Not from age. But from the force of my pen.

I wasn’t angry.

I was furious.

Nothing about the situation was okay.

Nothing was fair.

And I wanted him to pay.

If you are fuming at the actions of your ex or the unfairness of the situation, these posts are for you:

There is something about divorce that makes everyone want to point fingers. If you find fingers are pointed at you or if you have pointed them at others, you’ll want to read this post about the blame game.

I was hoping to find justice in the courts. Instead, I found more frustration. Divorce courts don’t punish individual misdeeds; they punish the entire class.

Anger seeks a target. A powerful question to ask yourself – what would make it all okay? You may be surprised by the answer.

We tend to view anger as aggression. When often, anger is simply pain screaming to be heard.

Want to forgive but not sure how? Try Forgiveness 101.

Or, for a different perspective, here’s when you shouldn’t forgive.

Sometimes you have to let it all out. This is a test of the emergency rant system. This is only a test.

Anger is a powerful, yet corrosive fuel. It moves you along, yet causes damage if you hold onto it too long. Ready to let go? Try this. It was a powerful shift for me.

You don’t have to do it all yourself. Karma’s got your back. She’s always watching:)

I Feel Sad

Posted on November 10, 2014September 24, 2018 by stilllearning2b

Are you feeling sad after divorce?

Divorce is a death of a marriage.

A death of the future.

A death of your present.

And, in some cases, a death of the past you thought you had.

Like any death, there is an intense sense of loss. Of mourning.

I remember feeling the aching void left behind by his absence. I worried that I would never trust again. Never love again.

I feared the best was over and loss was all that was left.

If you are feeling heartbroken and miserable, these posts are for you:

It’s so easy to believe that the way things are right now is the way they will always be. But everything changes. Even suffering.

It’s tempting to try to avoid the pain. But you can’t outsource healing; you have to do it yourself.

When you are in pain, the calendar can be your enemy. How do you handle anniversaries?

The pain may have come in a great crashing wave, but it recedes like the tide, slowly and leaving pools behind.

For a time, I thought I would have to excise all memories of my marriage from my mind like some cancerous growth. It turns out that memories can remain while the pain fades.

Are you thinking recursively or using input-output? It matters.

We zero in on what we know and what we know is the past, the pain. Try making the belief that the best is yet to come at the center of your heart and aim your thoughts that way.

I Feel Alone

Posted on November 10, 2014September 24, 2018 by stilllearning2b

On the day I met my soon-to-be-ex husband in court, I was asked by the judge to wait in the hallway while she and attorneys consulted with my husband.

I have never felt so alone.

I sat trembling on that austere bench in that impersonal hall with tears streaming down my face. My past was in the courtroom, embodied in the man that had gone from lover to stranger, protector to persecutor. My future was unknown and unknowable. And my present was hell.

A hell that I felt like I was facing alone.

Because it felt like nobody could understand.

No one could relate.

Eventually, I learned that I wasn’t alone. I realized that others had been through similar situations and managed to survive and even thrive.

If you’re currently feeling alone, here are some posts for you:

It’s funny how freeing it can be to realize that you’re not special. There is a comfort to be found in accepting that we are more alike than we think.

Understanding and addressing loneliness after divorce is critical to your well-being.

I started sharing my story in the hopes that no one else would ever have to feel alone, no matter the details of their divorce. Here’s my personal message for you.

One of the ways that we feel alienated after divorce is when people start to say that we should be feeling a certain way. There is no right way to feel.

Divorce is a major loss. It’s shocking to the system. This analogy may help you find acceptance and clarity of where you are. And give you some ideas how to rebuild.

We all need support during divorce. From old to new, these are the types of friends you need during your separation.

The holidays can be a stressful time for anyone. And that goes double for those dealing with the end of a marriage. There are ways to make it more tolerable.

I never wanted to be a member of the divorce club. I’d wager you didn’t want to join either. Here are the FAQS for new affiliates.

I couldn’t relate at all to stories of conscious uncoupling. My story was more Stanley Kubric than RomCom.

This post really doesn’t have much to do with being alone, but it is a reminder of how we can change our divorce experience. Even if our exes don’t cooperate.

I Feel Stuck

Posted on November 10, 2014September 24, 2018 by stilllearning2b

“Why can’t I be healed already!” I cried in frustration as I (over)reacted to yet another trigger.

We often expect healing to occur on our timeline. We seek to control the process and provide a deadline for the outcome.

But healing doesn’t work that way.

It’s two steps forward. One step back. And then a cha-cha slide detour to the left.

With the occasional fall off a cliff.

One of the biggest tricks our brains play on us is the idea that the way we feel right now is the way we will always feel.

It’s not.

If you are feeling stuck after your divorce, these posts will help move your journey along:

Often we have made more progress than we give ourselves credit for. Try looking back to see how far you’ve come.

Just because it happened to you, doesn’t mean it happened because of you. Sometimes you’re just collateral damage.

I assigned my divorce decree magical powers; I thought it was the ticket to healing. It wasn’t.

Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. Are you sabotaging yourself? You may be surprised.

All infidelity is not created equal. Understanding that can help stop you from comparing your situation to others.

Healing is not about giant leaps. It’s about baby steps. One step at a time.

Dating again cannot stop heartbreak. All it can do is delay it for awhile.

Are you convinced that you need to understand why it happened in order to move on? Careful. It’s a trap.

Does healing after divorce ever make you feel like you’re playing Chutes and Ladders? Yeah, me too.

You know the five love languages, but do you know the five voices of divorce? You should, because they’re speaking to you.

Just because divorce is something you can’t simply “get over,” it doesn’t mean it has to hold you back.

Are you engaging in a pissing contest of pain? It’s common and it’s a winless game.

Sometimes we allow our divorce to become our identity. Learn to let it go and find yourself again.

Endings come in stages. Do you know what comes next?

Are you struggling with your negative emotions? It’s okay to show them the door.

Do you know the difference between quitting and letting go? It’s an important distinction.

Wondering what happens to the one who leave? Your happiness doesn’t depend upon their unhappiness.

I Feel Hopeless

Posted on November 10, 2014November 11, 2014 by stilllearning2b

Discouraging doesn’t even come close.

So many days, it just feels impossible.

There is so much to do. So much to rebuild.

And you just have nothing left.

No energy. No money. No time.

But those are just excuses talking.

The fear of letting go holding you back.

I know. I’ve been there.

The best part about a new beginning is that anything is possible.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and hopeless, these posts will light the way and help to guide you towards a better life:

Everything is going to be okay. Those words were my Xanax against the panic.

You don’t have to do it all at once. One step at a time.

Have you been betrayed? Have you found the gifts hidden within?

It’s difficult not to see yourself as a victim when something happens to you. But you are only a victim if you imprison yourself. Release the shackles of the past and let your spirit soar.

If you are fuming at the actions of your ex or the unfairness of the situation, these posts are for you:

There is something about divorce that makes everyone want to point fingers. If you find fingers are pointed at you or if you have pointed them at others, you’ll want to read this post about the blame game.

I was hoping to find justice in the courts. Instead, I found more frustration. Divorce courts don’t punish individual misdeeds; they punish the entire class.

Anger seeks a target. A powerful question to ask yourself – what would make it all okay? You may be surprised by the answer.

We tend to view anger as aggression. When often, anger is simply pain screaming to be heard.

Want to forgive but not sure how? Try Forgiveness 101.

Or, for a different perspective, here’s when you shouldn’t forgive.

Sometimes you have to let it all out. This is a test of the emergency rant system. This is only a test.

Anger is a powerful, yet corrosive fuel. It moves you along, yet causes damage if you hold onto it too long. Ready to let go? Try this. It was a powerful shift for me.

You don’t have to do it all yourself. Karma’s got your back. She’s always watching:)

Share this:

If you are feeling heartbroken and miserable, these posts are for you:

It’s so easy to believe that the way things are right now is the way they will always be. But everything changes. Even suffering.

It’s tempting to try to avoid the pain. But you can’t outsource healing; you have to do it yourself.

When you are in pain, the calendar can be your enemy. How do you handle anniversaries?

The pain may have come in a great crashing wave, but it recedes like the tide, slowly and leaving pools behind.

For a time, I thought I would have to excise all memories of my marriage from my mind like some cancerous growth. It turns out that memories can remain while the pain fades.

Are you thinking recursively or using input-output? It matters.

We zero in on what we know and what we know is the past, the pain. Try making the belief that the best is yet to come at the center of your heart and aim your thoughts that way.

Share this:

If you’re currently feeling alone, here are some posts for you:

It’s funny how freeing it can be to realize that you’re not special. There is a comfort to be found in accepting that we are more alike than we think.

Understanding and addressing loneliness after divorce is critical to your well-being.

I started sharing my story in the hopes that no one else would ever have to feel alone, no matter the details of their divorce. Here’s my personal message for you.

One of the ways that we feel alienated after divorce is when people start to say that we should be feeling a certain way. There is no right way to feel.

Divorce is a major loss. It’s shocking to the system. This analogy may help you find acceptance and clarity of where you are. And give you some ideas how to rebuild.

We all need support during divorce. From old to new, these are the types of friends you need during your separation.

The holidays can be a stressful time for anyone. And that goes double for those dealing with the end of a marriage. There are ways to make it more tolerable.

I never wanted to be a member of the divorce club. I’d wager you didn’t want to join either. Here are the FAQS for new affiliates.

I couldn’t relate at all to stories of conscious uncoupling. My story was more Stanley Kubric than RomCom.

This post really doesn’t have much to do with being alone, but it is a reminder of how we can change our divorce experience. Even if our exes don’t cooperate.

Share this:

If you are feeling stuck after your divorce, these posts will help move your journey along:

Often we have made more progress than we give ourselves credit for. Try looking back to see how far you’ve come.

Just because it happened to you, doesn’t mean it happened because of you. Sometimes you’re just collateral damage.

I assigned my divorce decree magical powers; I thought it was the ticket to healing. It wasn’t.

Sometimes we are our own worst enemies. Are you sabotaging yourself? You may be surprised.

All infidelity is not created equal. Understanding that can help stop you from comparing your situation to others.

Healing is not about giant leaps. It’s about baby steps. One step at a time.

Dating again cannot stop heartbreak. All it can do is delay it for awhile.

Are you convinced that you need to understand why it happened in order to move on? Careful. It’s a trap.

Does healing after divorce ever make you feel like you’re playing Chutes and Ladders? Yeah, me too.

You know the five love languages, but do you know the five voices of divorce? You should, because they’re speaking to you.

Just because divorce is something you can’t simply “get over,” it doesn’t mean it has to hold you back.

Are you engaging in a pissing contest of pain? It’s common and it’s a winless game.

Sometimes we allow our divorce to become our identity. Learn to let it go and find yourself again.

Endings come in stages. Do you know what comes next?

Are you struggling with your negative emotions? It’s okay to show them the door.

Do you know the difference between quitting and letting go? It’s an important distinction.

Wondering what happens to the one who leave? Your happiness doesn’t depend upon their unhappiness.

Share this:

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and hopeless, these posts will light the way and help to guide you towards a better life:

Everything is going to be okay. Those words were my Xanax against the panic.

You don’t have to do it all at once. One step at a time.

Have you been betrayed? Have you found the gifts hidden within?

It’s difficult not to see yourself as a victim when something happens to you. But you are only a victim if you imprison yourself. Release the shackles of the past and let your spirit soar.

My divorce was a forest fire – everything was destroyed and the land was cleared for new growth.

When gratitude is your wrapping paper, everything is a gift.

Been floored by a tsunami? Learn how to surf.

Wondering if you can ever trust again? You can.

Every ending holds the seed to a new beginning. Let it grow.

Failure means you’re learning. Starting over means you’re applying the lessons.

Happiness is divorce in the rearview mirror.

The words we say to others have influence. The words we say to ourselves have power.

How to love when you’re the next love.

Finding love again. It’s different, but different can be better.

And finally, my own story of love after divorce. A reflection on a journey. And what a helluva journey it’s been!

Share this: