I’ll be doing a live interview with life coach Dolores DeGiacomo this Sunday at 6:30 p.m. EST. Check it out!
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/coaching-for-life-today/2012/06/24/student-of-life-or-victim-of-circumstance
5 Benefits Of Bawling Your Eyes Out
All too often, we focus on being strong, remaining stalwart. This unyielding shell may not reveal the pain inside, yet still it lingers. Give yourself permission to feel. Let the armor fall and allow the tears to fall with it. True strength comes when you embrace the pain prior to its release. Give yourself permission to cry when you need to and you’ll find that the smiles come much easier.
5 Benefits Of Bawling Your Eyes Out.
A Strange Place to Be
Note: If you are not familiar with my basic story, please read this first so you have some context.
I received an email the other day from someone, let’s just call him P, proposing an opportunity that would be very beneficial for me as a writer (chugging away on the book every day!!!) and as a wellness coach.
There was one caveat – he would need to locate my ex-husband. After some deliberation, I agreed and I sent him the contact information that I have. I also informed him that, as of the last I knew, if you Googled my ex’s name along with the limiting and somewhat giggle-inducing keyword, “bigamy,” you would pull up some articles from 2009 as well as his mugshot.
I kept up with my ex’s whereabouts until the divorce was final, in March of 2010. I promised myself at that point that I would never look him or his wife up again. I have held fast to that promise.
Two days after sending P the contact information, I spoke to him on the phone. He had not had any luck in locating the ex (which I expected), but he did say something that caught me short.
“I did Google his name and I found the articles from 2009 and the mugshot. I also found some articles from 2010 and 2011.”
Whoa, Nelly. There’s new information out there. I think P sensed that I did not want to know the content of what he found and so he did not reveal the nature of the articles.
He then made another comment that was interesting.
“We can’t do this if there are any open cases against him.”
Hmmm…so I guess he has continued his life of crime? My first thought was for his wife. I have had a genuine concern that he would try to kill her.
Luckily, that did not seem to be the subject of the articles, as P then said maybe they could locate the wife (ex-wife?) in his place. I agreed, and gave her (also outdated) contact information.
It’s been several days, and I have not heard from P. I doubt that either one of them is easily found and willing to share their stories. Meanwhile, it leaves me in strange place. I know there is information out there. I feel like I should be curious. But, I’m not. I haven’t wanted to search, haven’t had to check myself to keep from typing his name into Google.
Who knows what will become of this little detour in my saga – will he be found? will she turn up? will this opportunity pan out for me? Who knows… Regardless, I see my reaction to this as a sign, a sign that I really have moved on.
Note: For any of you that know me personally and know his name, if you choose to do a search, please do not share what you learn. I really don’t want to trigger the desire to keep up with him again. Thank you:)
Going With the Flow: SUP Yoga
The 10 foot long paddleboards lay side by side in the sun along the sandy shore like fiberglass coated seals. Soft waves chased each other across the lake, encouraged by the welcome morning breeze. It was early enough that the herons still outnumbered the speedboats and the sun was just erasing away any hint of the nighttime chill.
I slipped my hand into the groove cut into the center of the board and hoisted it off the sand and into in the water. I carefully placed my knees on either side of the handle, the cutaway serving as a constant visual reminder of center. Stray too far and you fall in. After finding my balance, I carefully placed one foot and then the other on the board, staying in a cautious crouch until I trusted the board. Until I trusted myself.
I pushed up to standing, taking the paddle with me. After a few rough rows, as I learned how to twist and shift to keep the board steady; I was off. The board traveled lightly upon the water, the hollow thud of the waves hitting the underside of the board. Our small group made our way up a protected inlet where the current was not so strong and the boats not as numerous.
We gathered in a group, our boards constantly shifting on the water as our minds shifted into practice. We were constantly reminded that these were not well-behaved yoga mats, sitting at right angles to a wall, rather they were dynamic surfaces carried by the whims of the winds and the currents. Common poses became uncommon when faced with the limitations and challenges of the board and the water. We each were ever mindful of our center. The water became our teacher, each little misalignment gently acknowledged with a tip of the board. Or, if the subtle hint went unrecognized, a fall into the depths.
There is no illusion of control on the water. You have only two choices: give in or give up. I gave in, sinking deeper into the board.
Pressing into down dog, the board began to rock with waves sent from a passing boat. Be with it. You can’t fight the waves. “Accept them and move with them,” was the lesson spoken by the water. I listened, giving in to the sway.
I turned over, pressing into wheel, gaining a new perspective on the ripening morning. I felt the strength in my limbs anchored equally to the board as it danced lightly on the surface, creating a balance of contrast. Feeling emboldened by the sun and lightened by the sense of playfulness, I moved into tripod, a pose which eludes me on the mat. Every muscle and every thought focused solely on the moment.
After lying in repose for several minutes, I pushed myslef back up to a seated position, so comfortable in my balance that I moved with ease. Bringing hands to heart center,
Namaste.
As I walked back up the beach, I could feel the lessons of the morning practice settle in and I chose to carry them with me.
Update: The following day, I was able to do my first full headstand ever! I love the fact that I learned the basics of the pose on the water:)
The group I practiced with:
Atlanta SUP Yoga
Worldwide organization dedicated to SUP yoga:
You Win Some When You Lose Some: A Father’s Day Tribute
Three years ago next month, I lost my husband. Three years ago next month, I gained a father.
My parent’s divorce occurred when I was in elementary school. My dad then relocated across the country shortly after I turned 11. We did not see much of each other for the rest of my childhood or throughout my twenties. In fact, we didn’t really know each other.
Three years ago next month, I went to visit my dad for the first time in several years. I think we were both a little nervous, as were trying to learn the choreography of our adult relationship. I was with him when I received the text that ended my marriage. In that instant, I gained a father in the truest sense of the word.
With no hesitation, I became his little girl again. He moved into action immediately, doing what he could . He held my hand for the endless trip back to Atlanta, not even letting go when he drifted off to sleep on the plane. He made the phone calls I couldn’t and stayed in the house with the dogs when I wasn’t able. He cried with me and cursed with me. He hurt with me and he healed with me.
Three years ago next month, I gained a father. A guide. A cheerleader. A mentor. A friend.
Sometimes, it takes a loss to realize what you have. You win some when you lose some. Dad, I’m glad I won you:)
And Tiger’s looking forward to your visit too!
Lessons From the End of a Marriage 