I have two passions when it comes to writing – relationships and wellness. I’ve been blending them on this site since the beginning and I maintained a wellness newsletter for a time. I dropped the newsletter when I became busier and did not have time for the painstaking formatting process every week. And, on this site, I’ve wanted to limit the number of non-related posts. Meanwhile, my ideas for articles about health, wellness, fitness and nutrition have been piling up with no good place to post them.
So….
It’s time to grow! I just started a new blog, Action Potential Wellness, where I can write about all things health. There will be some cross posts, but for the most part, this blog will be about relationships and the other about wellness (recipes, fitness tips, meditation, yoga, nutrition information, etc.).
Click on over, check it out and follow it if you want to learn how to maximize your life:)
In my former life, I viewed eating as a purely functional act. I was not concerned with the quality of food that entered my mouth, as long as it contained the proper macronutrients at the proper time. For almost ten years, my lunch consisted of a premixed protein shake because it was high in protein, low in calories, and could be sucked down in 15 minutes while I tutored struggling students in the school cafeteria. For ten years, I was content with that lunch.
Then something changed. I realized that not only did I not look forward to lunch, but that I had even begun to dread it. The shakes met my nourishment in the most basic sense, but that was all. At this point, I had already begun to visit my kitchen for more than a chat with the microwave, so I decided to restructure my lunches to incorporate what I was learning in the kitchen.
I had to start with the practical: my hours as a teacher are long and my lunch times are short. I needed to be able to find foods that could be cooked and prepped on Sunday and reheated quickly at school. I started by collecting recipes and cookbooks (about the only kind of book that didn’t fill the shelves in my old life). I found I enjoyed seeking out ideas and combinations, always seeking to maximize my veggie intake and ensure that I would get substantial protein and fiber with each meal. I learned that raw veggies have to be limited; there simply is not enough time to eat them all. Likewise, finger foods are a no-go in the germ laden land of a middle school. Even with those limitations, the options seemed endless.
An amazing metamorphosis occurs in my fridge every weekend. Mounds of greens and veggies are chopped and cooked into submission and divided into color-coded containers ready for the week ahead. The house fills with the aromas of a variety of spices, as the sounds of the food processor echo through the house. The island is the scene of assembly line style food preparation.
The consequences of the change in my lunch menu were astounding. My health improved; I no longer caught every cold that came through the school. My attitude improved, as I had a lunch I looked forward to (this is especially a motivator on Monday mornings). My afternoon workouts improved, now that I had enough fuel in my system to support the training. I became a de facto educator about plant-based diets as teachers and students began to inquire about my lunch.
But, most of all, I found nourishment. For my body. And for my soul.
I send the message to myself every weekend that I am worth the effort. That I matter. That feeding my needs is just as important as feeding the needs of those around me.
I kept the menu for this week simple; it is a short week and I don’t want to dedicate much of my time off to cook. I decided to make Hottie Black-Eyed Peas & Greens from Appetite for Reduction, one of my go-to cookbooks for healthy, easy, vegetarian meals. I always try to incorporate fruits and veggies of different colors in every meal, so I’m adding sweet potatoes mashed with almond milk and vanilla rice protein along with some blackberries, since they were on sale;)
Here’s the food ready to cook.
And here, after 45 minutes of preparation (barring the work the ol’ trusty slow cooker did overnight on the beans), is the final product.
I’m waiting to pack the blackberries until Wednesday morning, so that is why they are absent. Now, I can enjoy the rest of my time off knowing that I have healthy, nourishing food to get me through the week.
Before recently signing up for a marathon, I consulted a friend of mine who is extremely erudite in the biochemistry of nutrition and supplementation. I eat a very healthy diet: vegetarian leaning towards vegan, gluten free, and containing very few processed foods. My shopping cart looks more like a garden than something from the grocery store. This diet, along with frequent and intense exercise, offers some protection against many of the common western maladies: high cholesterol, hypertension, high blood sugar, etc. Yet, my way of eating also predisposes me to some deficiencies, notably iodine and iron, which will need to be remedied as I begin to ramp up my training.
Herbal supplements (Photo credit: Ano Lobb. Follow on Twitter: @healthyrx)
As I researched and purchased supplements yesterday, my mind made connections. Why is it that most of us easily accept that our diet can benefit from supplements, yet we ask that our primary relationship fulfill all of our needs?
Stay with me here, I’m not about to pull a Gingrich with the suggestion of an open marriage.
The Hollywood ideal that we have all grown up with is that you have a single soulmate, one who is bonded to you in every way and anticipates and meets all of your needs. Is this even possible? Like with designing a diet, it is important that your primary relationship addresses your need for macronutrients: respect, love, security, and whatever else is on your “needed for emotional survival” list. However, we are more complex than that, each of us has a need for micronutrients as well, and our primary partner may not have all of these available. That doesn’t mean that we need to endure those deficiencies or throw out the partner. It means we need to supplement.
Sometimes, the need for nutritional supplementation is obvious; if you lack vitamin C, scurvy rings the alarm bells before long. However, some deficiencies are more subtle, exacting changes that can easily fly under the radar, such as a general feeling of fatigue or weakness. Emotional malnutrition is the same; some gaps are apparent, yet others may not be so forthcoming and leave you functioning, yet not optimized.
Like with nutritional deficiencies, the first goal is to identify what your needs are; unfortunately, a blood test for emotional needs has yet to be developed.
Once you have identified your deficiencies, the next step is determining how to address them. Perhaps you find a friend that can fill the gap or engage in an activity that fills the need. I make sure that I always have people in my life that are “gentle souls,” providing me with that energy balance that helps me feel complete. Some of these people have no idea of their role, as I may not even know them very well; however, even a brief encounter leaves me refreshed. Relationship supplements do not need to be people; I also use yoga to help fill my requirement for gentleness as well. Be creative and don’t be afraid to look beyond the obvious. Oh, and I already checked, GNC does not sell this one in a bottle.
Finally, be aware that your supplementation needs may change over time. If you enter a new relationship, you may find that different needs are met and new gaps are revealed. Even if the relationship is constant, you may not be, thus opening up the need for different or new supplements. Perform a frequent check-up on yourself to make sure you are not slipping into mental malnutrition.
A diet that does not contain the basic required macronutrients will not sustain healthy life. Likewise, a primary relationship that does not meet the basic needs of both partners will not survive. For those micro-needs; however, don’t be afraid to supplement, as the proper balance of nutrients can take you from surviving to thriving.
Lessons From the End of a Marriage 