10 Life Lessons From the Dog Whisperer

Yes, I know what you’re thinking, “The Dog Whisperer?  That guy deals with…dogs. What on earth could he teach me about life?”  Remember that yours truly has found life and relationship lessons in barefoot running shoes, the actions (or lack thereof) of an elderly cat, a campground, and a fencing strip.  Oh, and I’m married to a guy who learns about life from the dojo.  So, see, life lessons from Cesar Millan is suddenly not so strange now, is it? Besides, his methods have worked to make my 95-lb pit bull  the world’s best dog!

 

 

1) Energy Transfer

Whenever Cesar meets with a new case, he watches the owner(s) interact with the dogs.  He pays more attention to the behavior of the owner than that of the dog.  His claim is that anxiety or a lack of confidence in the owner transfers to the dog.  He frequently says, “I rehabilitate dogs, but I train people.”  In our lives apart from dogs, we also transfer or energy.  If you find that you experience stress interacting with someone, check your own energy.  What are you responsible for transferring?

2) Don’t Grip the Leash Too Tightly

This is an extension of the lesson above.  When you watch the owners walk their troubled dogs, they grip the leash too tightly and pull with all their might if their dogs lunges at another dog.  This is transferring the anxiety to dog, but even more importantly, it is giving power to the anxiety.  In order to control the dog, the owner has to learn to let go of the illusion of control and has to begin to trust their dog.

English: Australian Cattle Dogs, Thommo and Du...

3) Prepare for Greetings

Cesar always prepares the dogs carefully before allowing them to enter a dog park or greet other dogs.  He makes sure that they are calm and submissive so that they are well-received by the rest of the pack.  It is worthwhile to check your own mental state before greeting someone.  I know I can come in from a stressful day and take it out on my boyfriend instead of pausing and waiting until my own mind was calm.  And, no, I’m not recommending that you start greeting people by sniffing their butts!

 

 

4) Work With Nature

According to Cesar, dogs process the world through their noses first, followed by their ears and eyes.  Obviously, we tend to use those senses in reverse and we all too often expect that from out pets.  Cesar advocated working with the nature of the animal so that you get the results you are looking for with the least amount of resistance.  Look around you.  Not everyone perceives the world the way you do.  Do you expect them to conform to you, or do you allow them to use their nature?

5) Be Aware of the Precursors

On the show, Cesar will often correct a dog when I cannot see any misbehavior.  Until the sequence is played in slow motion, that is.  Then, you can see a slight tuck of the tail or a tip of the ear, a slight precursor to the attack that is about to occur.  Cesar is so successful because he recognizes and responds to these early warning signs.  I know in my own life, I am often too busy to notice those little signs, much less respond so quickly to them.

6) Move Forward

When dealing with anxious or aggressive dogs, especially ones that he is trying to form a pack with, Cesar frequently begins by taking them for a walk or a rollerblade ride (I think he has a death wish here!).  His reasoning is that when the dogs are moving forward, it is impossible for them to focus on anything else. Now, I do think our brains are more monkey-minded than our canine friends, but we can still benefit from forward movement to calm ourselves.  So, when you are angry, sad, or anxious, try going for a walk.  Or a rollerblade ride if you’re more daring than I!

Cesar Millan, the dogwhisperer

7) Calm and Assertive

Cesar always works to get the dogs in a calm and submissive state.  The counterpoint to that in the owners is a calm and assertive state.  He is very kinesthetic and models what this looks like: shoulders back, head relaxed, arms relaxed.  It projects confidence and a calm mind.  When I feel stressed, I find myself emulating the body language of Cesar to trick my mind into responding.

8) Trust Your Senses

Cesar relies heavily on intuition; he does not spend too much time in the “thinky place.”  He trusts his instincts and, when he needs extra information, he trusts the instincts of his pack as they give him feedback on a new dog.  We all too often discount intuition and try to over-analyze everything.  Sometimes, it is better to trust your gut or the gut of a friend if yours is out of order.

 

 

9) See the Possible

About once a month, I see an episode with a dog that I think is hopeless.  Cesar doesn’t give up.  Some cases take longer and take more effort, but they can all improve.  He brings the worst cases to his ranch, where they are surrounded by a healthy and stable pack.  This is a good lesson in our own lives when troubles seem insurmountable.  Improvement is always possible.  Learn from Cesar, if you need more help, surround yourself with those who are healthy and balanced.  Their energy will transfer.  And, if that doesn’t work, maybe try chasing a tennis ball.

10) Redirect With Play

Need I say more?

Woof!  This post is Tiger-approved.

 

How a Date With a Dog Opened my Heart

When I first started dating again, I was guarded.  I was ready to date rather quickly, but not quite ready to fully trust or to completely open up to another.  I viewed dating as a fun pastime, an opportunity to do things, get to meet new people, and learn more about myself.  I had no expectations, no goals, and no objectives.  I kept myself at a safe distance by telling my story early (just imagine hearing about a bigamist soon-to-be-ex-husband on a first date!) and informing my date that I was planning on moving to Seattle in a few months.  I let myself be attracted, but I kept my heart in reserve, hiding my vulnerabilities and projecting an aura of self-sufficiency.  I didn’t make it easy to get to know me and I was happy that way.

Until I met this guy.

Who could resist this face?

I had gone out with his owner a couple times.  We had an attraction, but I had (foolishly) chosen to focus on another guy over him.  We kept in touch over the next few weeks,  and when he rescued the world’s most adorable pit bull puppy, he sent me a picture of Tiger via email.  I didn’t think I could fall in love with a dog again after the pain of losing mine.  I was wrong.  That little guy (okay, maybe little isn’t quite the right word!) held nothing in reserve when we met.  He greeted me as though I was his long lost buddy.  He didn’t care what baggage I brought or that I was still learning to trust.  He fully accepted me as I was at that moment.  I didn’t have to protect myself or worry about getting hurt.  I didn’t have to consider if he was truthful or hiding ulterior motives.  All things that would go through my mind on a date.

Tiger wormed his way into my heart over the next few weeks.  I found myself softening, trust building both towards the dog and towards his daddy.  I’m not sure I would be where I am today without Tiger; he was my guide back into love.

A more “mature” Tiger

How a Date With a Dog Opened my Heart

When I first started dating again, I was guarded.  I was ready to date rather quickly, but not quite ready to fully trust or to completely open up to another.  I viewed dating as a fun pastime, an opportunity to do things, get to meet new people, and learn more about myself.  I had no expectations, no goals, and no objectives.  I kept myself at a safe distance by telling my story early (just imagine hearing about a bigamist soon-to-be-ex-husband on a first date!) and informing my date that I was planning on moving to Seattle in a few months.  I let myself be attracted, but I kept my heart in reserve, hiding my vulnerabilities and projecting an aura of self-sufficiency.  I didn’t make it easy to get to know me and I was happy that way.

Until I met this guy.

Who could resist this face?

I had gone out with his owner a couple times.  We had an attraction, but I had (foolishly) chosen to focus on another guy over him.  We kept in touch over the next few weeks,  and when he rescued the world’s most adorable pit bull puppy, he sent me a picture of Tiger via email.  I didn’t think I could fall in love with a dog again after the pain of losing mine.  I was wrong.  That little guy (okay, maybe little isn’t quite the right word!) held nothing in reserve when we met.  He greeted me as though I was his long lost buddy.  He didn’t care what baggage I brought or that I was still learning to trust.  He fully accepted me as I was at that moment.  I didn’t have to protect myself or worry about getting hurt.  I didn’t have to consider if he was truthful or hiding ulterior motives.  All things that would go through my mind on a date.

Tiger wormed his way into my heart over the next few weeks.  I found myself softening, trust building both towards the dog and towards his daddy.  I’m not sure I would be where I am today without Tiger; he was my guide back into love.

A more “mature” Tiger

R.I.P. All Terrain Pug

I received the sad, yet not unexpected news today that Max, my beloved pug dies this past fall.  My ex and I got Max when she was just a little puppy, 2 pounds of spunk and attitude.  She managed to pack the personality and courage of a mastiff into her little body, making sure that everyone knew that mighty Max was around.

One of my favorite early memories of her was when she was around 10 weeks old.  She could still fit in the palm of one hand.  We came home and found her curled on a pillow on top of the couch.  This was a surprise, as she had been placed in the bathroom with a babygate blocking the doorway.  The gate was still in place, but the dog was not.  Puzzled, we placed her back in the bathroom and sat outside the gate to watch.  She climbed the gate as though it was a ladder, teetered on her fat little belly on the top, and jumped/fell unto the floor.  She waddled towards us, so proud of her accomplishment.

She was a very smart dog (and extremely food motivated).  I once taught her to “crawl” in the time it took my ex to take a shower.  In her heyday, she knew the names of over 40 toys and would fetch the appropriate one.  That same food drive got her into trouble.  We only made the mistake of leaving a bag of food within her reach once.  On that day, we came home to find a half empty 30 lb bag of previously unopened dog food on the floor with a very fat pug sleeping just inside the walls of the bag.

We used to take her camping, hiking, and swimming.  Her enthusiasm and determination on these outings earned her the nickname “All Terrain Pug.”  I’ll never know how her stubby little legs managed those tough trails.  Catching deer was never her strong point, though; she would walk right by them and never even notice their presence.

She was our dog, but she was more mine.  My ex moved across the country for work and it was 7 months before Max and I were able to follow.  In that time, she and I bonded even more as we waited for our family to be reunited.  She was with me through my entire marriage, my entire young adulthood.

When my ex left, I was not able to care for her or the other dogs.  My friends and family helped to find homes for them.  Max was the challenge.  She was 14 years old at the time and already deaf and almost blind.  The pug rescue group was full and she was not adoptable.  I didn’t know what we were going to do; it wasn’t time to put her down, but I could not take of her myself.  A wonderful woman stepped up and agreed to take her.  She has provided a wonderful, loving home for my baby for the past few years. It was more than I could have ever hoped for.

Today, I am saying goodbye to my Max for the second time.  I always thought I would be there with her at the end and it is hard to know that I couldn’t.  My tears are for her passing, but mainly for the gratitude I have for her second mom, who gave her a home when I couldn’t.

 

If You’re Going to Be a Scumbag, It’s Best Not to Have a Dog

I can thank a dog for my current relationship.  I had gone out on two Match.com dates with my current partner, but was leaning towards another guy (foolish, I know).  Then, I received an email that he had rescued a puppy and he attached a picture of the cutest pup with the biggest head I had ever seen.  Well, I simply HAD to pay a visit to the puppy, didn’t I?

I was impressed that evening, with the dog, but mainly with his owner.  The pup was around 6 months old and had been rescued about 6 weeks prior.  He was calm, secure, and very obedient.   I’ve watched enough Cesar Millan to know that this says more about the owner than the dog.  I learned more about my boyfriend’s character that night through his dog than I had in two dates.  I still had trouble trusting words that were spoken to me, but I knew that his relationship with his dog and his dog’s behavior could not be faked.

Dogs have an amazing ability to see inside a person.  They do not fall for external appearances; they see through that smile to the emotions hidden below.  Their behavior reflects that of the humans around them; if their owners are stressed and unbalanced, they will be too.  They are mirrors.  If I had been more astute, I might have picked up on this from the dogs I had in my marriage; they became stressed and withdrawn, especially the dog that was my husband’s.

So if you’re a scumbag and want to keep that fact hidden, it’s probably best that you don’t get a dog.  They just might reveal your true nature.

Now that’s a balanced, happy pit bull!