How a Kettlebell Became My Therapist

I have exercised regularly since high school.  It was always an important part of my life. It allowed me to release excess energy and frustration, it made me feel better physically and emotionally, and it helped me to feel strong.

kettlebell
Image via Wikipedia

When my divorce occurred, exercise gained an even greater importance in my life.  It allowed me to reconnect with my body on those days when I was drifting.  When anger was the driving force, the heavy bag contained the essence of my ex.  I would go on long runs to wear out the demons of anxiety that had taken up residence in my brain.  I took spin classes, riding through the discomfort, proving to myself that I could endure. I lifted weights to build muscle, trying to convince myself that made me strong.  I did yoga, exploring my edge and going beyond what I thought I could accomplish.

In all of that, my favorite exercise was the kettlebell.  It became my therapist and my coach.  The kettlebell forced me to integrate my movements.  It required I find a rhythm.  It showed me that I had power hidden within me that I could tap in to.  It showed me that simplicity can be beautiful and momentum can be harnessed.  It integrated the mindfulness of yoga with the power of lifting and the endurance of running.

On a practical note, the kettlebell took little space, made no noise to wake the neighbors, and could be done in a short amount of time.  All of which have been requirements in the last few years at some point.

Those thrice weekly appointments with my iron therapist have not only soothed my ind they have also helped to sculpt my body.  Kettlebells are amazing for their ability to build muscle and shred fat at once.  I tend to mix it up, but here is an example of a common workout for me:

Note: I use a Gymboss timer to make this easy!

Choose a weight that is easy to move for a few reps but that becomes challenging, but not impossible, over the duration of the interval.

Set the timer for 20 1-minute work sessions with 30 seconds of rest between each interval.  Each exercise is to be completed for the 1 minute duration.

English: Russian kettlebell champion Valery Fe...
Image via Wikipedia

one-armed kettlebell swings – right

one-armed kettlebell swings – left

one-armed snatch – right

one-armed snatch – left

around the world – right

around the world – left

goblet squats

farmer’s walk  – right

farmer’s walk – left

Turkish get-up (alternate sides)

Repeat circuit.  This usually has me so wiped that it is difficult to get up the stairs.

Videos of all of these exercises and more can be found here.

 

It’s Not Alphabetical, But “Me” Comes Before “Marriage”

There has been quite a bit of discourse over the last few years about the relative happiness and health of people with different relationship statuses.  Much of the popular literature has given the impression that married people are happier; therefore, become married to improve your well-being.  The problem with this position is that they are confusing correlation with causation.  Doesn’t it make more sense that happy people are more likely to get and stay married than a ring possessing magical powers?

Does Marriage Make Us Happy? Should It? | Psychology Today.

Whenever we rely on external sources for our fulfillment, well-being, and happiness, we will ultimately be disappointed.  We have to find those things within ourselves before we can find a partner that can see them too and before we can see them in another.  In order to be the best partner possible, we first must address ourselves:

How can you trust others, if you do not have trust in yourself?

How can you care for others, if you cannot care for yourself?

How can you have faith in others, if you do not have faith in yourself?

How can you be loyal to another, if you cannot be loyal to yourself?

How can you be responsible for another, if you cannot be responsible for yourself?

How can you be with another, if you cannot be with yourself?

How can you love another, if you cannot love yourself?

So, throw away the dictionary, and look to yourself before you look to marriage to make you happy and well.

When You Are in a Major Life Remodel, You Can Choose the Color of the Curtains

 

Strategies to Deal With Every Phase of Major Life Changes – Oprah.com.

 

Strategies to Deal With Every Phase of Major Life Changes - Oprah.com

Dear Ms. Manners: The Etiquette of Bigamy

Defenders of Marriage
Defenders of Marriage (Photo credit: Mike Licht, NotionsCapital.com)

Like most people, I never though much about bigamy.  If pressed on the issue, I would have mentioned Showtime’s Big Love, where one man has several wives and they operate as a single family.  When bigamy entered into my life, it was so absurd, so out there, that the only way that I could respond was with humor.  Because bigamy is not normally discussed in polite company, I had some issues arise that I wasn’t sure how to handle gracefully.

There was an 8 month period that the two of us were married to my ex.  During this time, I referred to her as, “my husband’s wife.” This was wordy and awkward, and caused eyebrows to furrow in confusion.  I needed a more direct and concise way to refer to her.  I propose (no, not THAT kind of propose!) that we create the term, “wife-in-law” or “husband-in-law” to describe a spouse’s new spouse.  Which I guess now makes her my ex-wife-in-law.  And, if they are divorced, my ex-ex-wife-in-law.  Damn. Wordy again.

Is it strange that I felt a bit slighted that I was not invited to their wedding?  My understanding is that it is rude  to invite one partner in a marriage and not the other to a co-ed event.  It would have been even funnier if the invitation was addressed in the formal manner: Mr. and Mrs. Ex-Husband’s Name.  It could get a bit confusing.

As it was, I didn’t find out about the wedding until a few days after it occurred.  Then, I was left with the dilemma of a wedding gift.  Is one obligated to purchase a gift for a spouse’s wedding?  Or, did the fact that my paycheck purchase their wedding rings count as a gift?  Maybe a congratulations card?  Or, in this case, a condolence card to her?

You see, it all gets so confusing.

In all seriousness, I was glad to discover that he solidified the relationship with a felony.  Unlike many caught in the crazy world of divorce, where one partner lies and manipulates the system to try to harm the other, creating an endless he-said, she-said, I had proof that my husband lied.  I had irrefutable evidence of infidelity.  I had a mugshot and a felony charge to support my case.  I am thankful for all of that, but I am sorry that my ex-wife-in-law became another of his victims.  I hope that she, too, has learned lessons from her marriage.

I Can’t Carry a Boulder, But I Can Carry Pebbles

and I know how to use a hammer.

Balanced Rock at Garden of the Gods park in Co...
Image via Wikipedia