A Geographic

Brock has been busy lately. Very busy. So when he had to drive to the other side of town this morning to drop something off for work, he invited me along for the ride. That’s life – sometimes quality time comes from a romantic evening out and sometimes it comes in the form of an hour plus on the highways of Atlanta (which even have traffic before dawn on a Saturday morning).

It was a quiet ride for the most part. The comfortable companionate silence between two people with nothing to prove who simply enjoy each other’s company. But it was also a journey to the past for me, as we drove from where we live to the area where I spent ten years of my former life.

I make that drive once a month or so to visit with friends or to attend some event. But usually I am either the driver or the sights are hidden beneath a shawl of darkness. This morning was different. The soft morning light had just brightened the sky when we made the turn into my old stomping grounds and, as the passenger, I had endless opportunity to peer between the trees to see what had remained and what had changed.

We drove by the street that was home to my first Georgia apartment where we served breakfast to the family who came into town to celebrate our wedding. We passed by my old library, where I checked out endless decorating books with the intention of turning our house into a home. I saw the biscuit place that my husband loved and the Costco where we went together every Saturday. We pulled through the drive through at the Starbucks where I met dates and sought public solitude after my divorce. And I caught a glimpse of the Gold’s Gym that was my sanctuary where I rebuilt mind and body.

I first heard the term “a geographic” relating to a need to pull up roots and start over somewhere new when I read Stephen King’s Duma Key. At the time I read the book, tucked securely in my other life, I didn’t understand that drive.

A few years later I understood it too well.

Once the reality of the end of my current life had set in, I felt an overwhelming need to escape. To run. To get away from every reminder and every location.

I wanted a geographic.

If I was going to be forced to start over, I wanted it to be fresh. Not built upon the dunghill of my former life.

Necessity kept me local for that first year; my job and my support system were nearby and needed. But that whole year, I felt restless. I no longer belonged. I needed to move. I was planning on a move to the West Coast, as far away as I could get in the continental U.S. But then love happened, and I cut my planned move short by about 2100 miles.

But it was far enough. As our morning drive took us through the streets of my old life, it felt like another world, another lifetime. It was distant yet interesting. I was curious rather than anxious. It held no pain, only far off memories. And it certainly didn’t feel like home.

I am feeling the pull for another kind of geographic right now. This semester has been way too frantic. I’ve felt pulled and prodded, trying to balance too much for too long. I feel the need to get away. To run. Not to another life, but to the woods for some quiet and simplicity. Life pared down to its most basic. Where the morning fire is often the most pressing item on the to-do list.

Peace. Hopefully without frostbite.

Sometimes we need to get away. Maybe for a few days. Or maybe for a lifetime.

Sometimes a geographic can help cure what ails us.

Free Webinar – How to Survive the Holidays While You’re Surviving Divorce

My friends over at Midlife Divorce Recovery have a free webinar on Monday with tips on how to survive the upcoming holiday season. Sometimes it’s nice to know you’re not alone.

Here’s the info:

Whether you’re just thinking about divorce, currently separated, filing, recently divorced or several years into your divorce journey, you can learn how to simplify the season, be patient with yourself, be kind to others, and simply survive these next few months with fewer tears and more joy.

This online event is designed to help you take extraneous things off your to do list, develop strategies to reduce the overwhelm, keep you focused on what’s important, and find little ways to experience the joy of the holidays. Whether you believe that right now or not. There is joy to be found!

Here are 3 compelling reasons you should sign up to watch How to Survive the Holidays While You’re Surviving Divorce

#1. It’s Fully Online

No travel required! We know you’re busy and time is crazy valuable right now. Simply find a computer and watch from anywhere.

#2. It’s Free

The event is completely free. You’ll have access to this great content without having to spend a single penny.

#3. Tales From the Trenches

You’ll hear stories and strategies from women who’ve been exactly where you are now. How they struggled but found things to celebrate and grabbed joy out of the tornado that surrounded them.

See you there!

Suzy Brown

Portage

I’ve spent a good amount of time on rivers. As a kid growing up in South Texas, tubing down the Frio or Guadalupe rivers was an essential part of every summer. I went whitewater rafting with friends and continued the tradition with my dad out West. When I moved to Georgia, I again spent time on the river, especially now with the Chattahoochee just down the road.

Rivers teach us about change. Unlike trails on land that stay static for months or even years on end, rivers swell and retreat seemingly with a mind of their own. Smooth waters are replaced with raging froth as boulders or logs divert the flow. Formerly deep wells become shallow graves lined with smooth stone when rainfall fails to meet the river’s demands. No matter how many times you have traveled those waters, they can still catch you by surprise.

A lesson I learned one summer rafting with a friend and her family on a river north of San Antonio. It was a stretch I had done before. In fact, I had even rafted it with her family on the previous summer. But this year was different. The usual drought had been relieved by drenching rains the week before and the river was full. Very full.

For the first part of the trip, we welcomed the swollen waters. You see, rafting (or even tubing) in Texas is usually broken up with intervals of walking the flotation device for a spell when the river becomes too shallow to support its draft. We used to joke about it being a sort of Texas portage. A normal portage is performed when the waters are too treacherous to approach and the craft is carried over land. In a Texas portage, the flotation device is simply carried over the small trickle of water while carefully stepping around the smooth stones that line the river bed until the water is again deep enough to support a craft.

So on this particular day on the river, we were simply happy that no Texas portages (portagii?) were necessary; the river was more than capable of carrying the raft with my friend and I, her parents and her brother. We were laughing and joking, eating soggy Pringles and drinking warm Cokes when we started to hear the noise. It started out as a dull roar, almost like bad reception on the car radio. But soon the noise was unmistakable. Water. Whitewater.

The recent rains had turned an upcoming portion of the river into a raging torment, made even more unpredictable by the damns created by debris moving down the river. Throwing the Pringles down, we scooped up the inadequate paddles and frantically rowed the boat ashore, narrowly escaping the tumultuous waters and our increasing panic. Where we carried the raft through the brush and bramble of the shore until we could safely place it back onto the water where we continued the remainder of the trip without incident.

That was my first real portage.

It wouldn’t be my last.

 

Our success on a challenge is greatly influenced by our view of the trial. If we see every section of impassable whitewater as an insurmountable obstacle, we will either remain stuck above the falls or find ourselves dashed on the rocks below.

But if we realize that the perceived obstacle is simply a detour in our plans, we will gather up the necessities and portage until it is safe.

Like the river, our lives often change without warning, causing us to leave the flow and construct a new path. Portage is not a sign of failure; it is a sign of acceptance and faith in the journey.

Sometimes you have to leave where you are to get where you are supposed to be.

When To Throw in the Towel on Your Relationship

In my opinion, one of the best parts of being abandoned is never having to wrestle with the thought of, “Should I stay or should I go?” Or even, “Will he or she stay?” There is no decision to be made about throwing in the towel. Instead, one day, you blindly reach your arm out of the shower only to learn that the towel has been removed while you were busy trying to rinse shampoo out of your eyes.

Read about the other benefits of abandonment.

Ending a relationship is rarely a clear-cut decision. There’s the matter of time invested. And hope for change. And usually the bad parts are at least somewhat offset with some good.

But sometimes a relationship needs to end. It’s a personal choice; one no one else can make for you. I’ve read many lists of when to stick it out and when to call it quits, but I think this one is probably one of the best I’ve come across. Clear and direct for when your thoughts are anything but.

It’s a good guide to help you decide if you should throw in the towel or maybe just add a little more fabric softener next time you throw it in the wash.

‘Tis the Season

‘Tis the season.

The stretch of the year anticipated by some and dreaded by others.

It’s the time when family gathers and the lack of family pierces.

We bond over memories and rituals and some mourn the loss of traditions.

We see the wonder of the season through the eyes of our children and some feel the pain of being apart from their offspring.

Holidays are especially tough in the first couple years after divorce as you’re struggling to find your footing while tripping over Hallmark commercials and the message of perpetual cheer.

If you’re facing the holidays after divorce or a breakup, here are my very doable suggestions on how to cope.

And remember, family are the people that have your back even if they don’t have your blood.