Can’t Please Everybody

Posted on by stilllearning2b

The news that my school district will be closed for its fourth snow/ice day rolled in a couple of hours ago. Throughout the past couple weeks, as questionable weather has dominated, I’ve been keeping a close eye on the district’s Facebook page for information.

The updates have been pleasant and helpful.

The comments?

Not so much.

Today, parents are complaining that they weren’t given enough notice.

Last Friday, they complained that we were in school.

Last Thursday, they complained that school was cancelled.

I feel sorry for the system. No matter what decision they make and when they make it, they face criticism.

Because you can’t please everybody.

There’s a lesson in there for me. By my nature, I want to make people happy. I have a tendency to tiptoe around too much so that I’m not an imposition. I try to make decisions that make sense based on the information and that also make others satisfied. And, even though I’m making progress, I can still take criticism too personally.

Yet I doubt the school superintendent is reading these comments and questioning his decision. I can’t imagine he is losing sleep over the complaints that the school district is unable to control the weather. And the thought of him trying to please everybody in a large district is just laughable.

In fact, from my neutral, third-party perspective, it’s obvious that the dissent is simply coming out of frustration and/or fear.

It really has nothing to do with the school system at all.

And isn’t that usually the case?

Responses say more about the responder than the respondee.

And you can’t please everybody.

As for me, I’m just happy I don’t have to navigate any icy roads and I’m enjoying our first snow day with actual snow.

Clamor For Your Own Attention

Posted on by stilllearning2b

It begins while the morning coffee is brewing.

I unplug my phone from its nightly charge and curl up on the couch with a big glass of water to check the emails that came in over the night. And every morning, amongst the ads telling me that Banana Republic is once again having a one day sale! and the funny or inspirational emails forwarded by my mom, there are emails that demand my attention. Sometimes I respond right then (I apologize if you have ever received one of those pre-coffee, pre-dawn messages from me) and other times I make a note to respond later.

It continues when I enter the school building.

I unlock and plug in my laptop, opening up Outlook as soon as I’ve entered my password. Inevitably, there are emails from parents needing information, students needing assistance and administrators needing paperwork. And then, all too soon, the bell rings and I’m swarmed by the commotion of teenagers all fighting to be seen and heard and attended to. This one needs a band-aid, that one needs a pencil and they all need help with their math.

It follows me home.

As soon as I pull into the driveway, I see Tiger’s face at the dining room window peering down at me. I can hear his excited dance on the hardwoods above my head as I gather my belongings out of my car and begin the nightly shedding of the teacher skin by removing my high heels. Once I open the door to the house, I am immediately greeted with 90 pounds of insistent pit bull demanding hugs and kisses. On most days, this is soon followed with the racket of an old cat asking for her turn. The four-legged also experience sibling jealousy, apparently.

Now, you may not check your emails before your morning coffee. You may not work as a teacher surrounded by teenagers. And you may not come home to the attentions of a pit bull and an aging feline.

But I bet you still relate to the above.

Because for all of us, at every turn, someone or something is clamoring for our attention.

Our phones vibrate with incoming messages. Our car flashes a reminder about needing an oil change. Our families ask for attention and the young ones often need it right now! Our work no longer ends when we close the office door; it follows us home.

It’s all too easy to fill a day leap frogging from one need to another, considering everyone else’s demands yet ignoring our own. Feeling frazzled and depleted. Pulled too many directions.

It’s time to make your needs heard.

Clamor for your own attention.

Set a reminder to go on your daily walk. Schedule time each day to unplug from your devices. Close your door and breathe, even if it’s just for a minute while the kids are busy. Post reminders to stop, look and listen to your own needs.

The busier we are, the more structured and intentional we have to be about taking care of ourselves.

So when you’re making that to-do list, make sure that you put yourself on it too.

Get Used to Disappointment

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Well, maybe not disappointment so much as having expectations, making plans and then having to discard them. Again. And again.

I planned and prepared for a presentation I was supposed to give this past Monday.

And then school was canceled because of ice.

I prepared and stressed over a medical procedure that was scheduled for this past Tuesday.

And then the doctor’s office had to close because of that same ice.

I anticipated using Wednesday (where I already had a sub scheduled) to work on a project.

And then a massive headache turned production into endurance.

I reworked my lesson plans for the next few weeks assuming that we would be back in school by Thursday.

And then school was cancelled yet again.

I wore hiking boots to school on Friday in anticipation of another walk home from work in the ice like last year’s debacle.

And then the promised storm didn’t arrive until later.

And today? I’m just grateful that the colds that have plagued us are fading, the weather is warming and I don’t have too much more time to stress before the rescheduled doctor’s appointment.

Ahh…life. She certainly keeps us on our toes, doesn’t she? 🙂

Happy Saturday, everyone! Spring is just around the corner.

Til Death Do You Part?

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I got into a Twitter conversation yesterday with a man whose view intrigued me. From what I can gather, he is divorced with a couple young kids.

A divorce he didn’t want.

A divorce, that for whatever reason, his wife did.

And even though the vows are now broken, he is still maintaining his promise of fidelity to her until death severs their oath.

I can certainly see why someone would choose not to date while they are focused on raising their children. I can empathize with the decision to avoid the balancing act of blending families. And I can even appreciate someone electing to not reenter the dating world out of fear of additional heartbreak or simply a discovery of contentment with singlehood.

But the piece I can’t seem to wrap my head around is keeping a promise to someone who has made it very clear that your loyalty is not valued.

He offered a clue that the rejection by the one he trusted the most delivered a message that he had no value.

And I think everyone that has faced betrayal and rejection can identify with that sentiment. It’s certainly hard to disentangle your views of yourself with your ex-partner’s (new) views of you.

Yet, even with that, I struggle with the idea of a one-sided pledge of allegiance.

I see the vows as like the wheels on a bicycle. Ideally, both are fully functioning and working in concert. If one tire is a little flat, the other can help support the weight for a time until the tire is re-inflated. If one wheel is bent, the ride may not be over as long as the metal is hammered back into shape. Yet if one wheel is removed, the bicycle is useless no matter how hard the remaining wheel works. And it’s time to either find a new wheel or learn how to ride a unicycle.

That’s my two cents. What’s yours?

How to Change a Man

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I met up with a friend the other day. She’s at a crossroads with the man she’s been dating for the past year or so. She wants marriage. Not now, but she wants to move that direction and wants that to be the mutual end goal. At this point, he states he does not want marriage. Now or at any point. They’re in that difficult place where the relationship works, but the objectives of the partnership don’t align.

Having known Brock back in the days when he said he never wanted to be married, she inquired, “How did you get him to change?”

The short answer?

I didn’t.

And I couldn’t. At least not in any meaningful and lasting way.

I didn’t make him change. I didn’t ask him to change. I didn’t expect him to change.

But here’s what I did do:

I Accepted Where We Were

I always knew I wanted to be married (or at least something like it) again. But that didn’t mean I wanted to jump straight into commitment immediately. In fact, Brock was always the forerunner on taking the relationship to the next level.  And we baby-stepped it from one level to the next. And as we slowly integrated our lives and tore down our walls, I simply enjoyed the place where we were.

I Accepted Him

As with any relationship, as the newness wears off and the pedestal lowers, you discover certain traits and characteristics of your partner that drive you a little nuts. Since none of his quirks were red flags or deal breakers, I worked on accepting them. In fact, I’ve even learned to appreciate some of what can easily annoy me.

I Limited Expectations

I knew that our relationship may not progress to marriage. And I was okay with that. I had no expectations of a wedding or a white picket fence. I simply knew that I loved him and loved being with him. And that the time together wasn’t wasted even if it didn’t result in nuptials. Besides, I had learned about the dangers of expectations:)

I Didn’t Push

I never initiated a “where are we going?”talk. In fact, the only relationship-oriented talks we had were about where we were, making sure that we were on the same page along the way. I was patient as he learned how to be in a serious relationship and, later on, learned how to share a home and a life. I gave him time and space to acclimate.

I Worked on Myself

Whenever I found myself frustrated or disappointed by something in the relationship, I made an effort to examine my own responses (which, no surprise, were often overreactions). I learned that by changing my reactions, I could change the dynamics of our interactions.

And over time, the man that never thought he would be married, not only decided that he did, he also became an amazing and dedicated husband.

But the most important part wasn’t what I did.

It’s what we did.

Because everything that I did that compelled him to change, he also did for me. In spades.

You cannot ever change your partner.

But you can be someone that inspires them to change themselves.

Because ultimately, the only guaranteed way to change a man (or a woman) is to change yourself.

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