Goal Post

Posted on by stilllearning2b

The previous post reminded me of my goal sheet that I typed just a few weeks after my ex left.  I went looking for it, and found it in my folder labeled, “July disasster.”  When I wrote these goals, I was still mired in the yuck of the day to day, but I wanted to put my dreams out there.  I posted this list above the folding card table in my friend’s bonus room that was to be my office for the next year.  It kept me focused on the future and the gifts in my present on those days when I felt like giving up.  The list now makes me smile.  It shows me how far I have come and reminds me of where I was.

There are two items on the list that remain unchecked. The first, complete a book, was a bit ambitious for a year (or even three), but it is an ongoing project.  The other, volunteer at an animal rescue organization was chosen because of my gratitude towards those who helped to find homes for my dogs.  I don’t feel strong enough yet to face this one, but I will.

Some of the other goals seem so minimal in retrospect.  Go on a date – I went on 7-8 dates a week for a few months (months I dubbed, “Match Madness”).  Or, learn to cook one gluten-free meal – I now do that multiple times a week and am a recipe resource for others.

Some of the goals make me thankful for where I am and why I am here.  I was originally going to move to the NW; I could not imagine a life in the same town where I had spent my married years.  Just months before I was going to leave, I met my now boyfriend.  There was enough potential there that I decided to commit to staying in the area for a year (once I found a job) to see how things progressed.  It has now been two years, and I couldn’t be happier.

Other goals have been incorporated into my current life.  I still set goals to run races (I’ve just raised the bar a bit), I still intentionally seek out new friends, I continue to find ways to act of character, and I still make sure to take weekend trips.  The last goal has become my favorite: find a way to laugh each and every day.

I no longer have goals posted above my desk.  I have internalized them, using them as a daily reminder to be thankful and hopeful.

Wayne Dyer: Don’t Dwell on the Past

Posted on by stilllearning2b

What a simple, yet elegant way to view past relationships.  I know that I see my life as divided into 3 acts as of now: childhood, the 16 years with my ex, and post-divorce.  While some characters have remained constant throughout the play, others have exited stage right once their part in the story was done. They have their mark and helped to shape the story, but they do not need to occupy space on the stage anymore; they are relegated to the shadows of the wings.  Remember that the curtains may close briefly between acts, but they do not remain closed until the final call.  Just because there is a shift in the action and a change of characters, does not mean the story is over.  Do not be afraid to open the curtains to the next act of your life.

Wayne Dyer: Don’t Dwell on the Past.

Stage curtains

Taming the Monkey Mind: Total Immersion

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I woke up at 2:30 this morning, unable to go back to sleep.  I do that sometimes.

I moved to the couch in my office, picked up my computer, and promptly began to research yoga and meditation retreats. You know, as one does in the middle of the night when slumber is elusive.

I feel like I have done pretty well taming my monkey mind, but I would love to test the premise of total immersion in the context of mindfulness.  I think that my monkey would do well surrounded by tamed neural simians and trained synaptic handlers.  I am drawn to the thought of spending a few days or even a week focusing only on my monkey’s well-being, far away from all the distractions that tend to catch his eye (yes, my monkey-mind is a him; I’m not sure why). Much like Cesar Millan uses his pack to train other dogs, I want to use tamed monkeys to guide my own.

I have done something similar once before.  In the fall after July Disasster, I spent a long weekend at the Mandala Wellness Center for yoga, meditation, and therapy as a solo retreat.  It was there that I found my breath again.  It was there that I moved back into my body.

I am looking for something different now.  I no longer need a personal retreat and I do not require the presence and attention of a therapist.  Instead, this time I want to be in the presence of others who are on a similar journey.  I want to share in the experience. I am no longer looking for healing, rather I am looking to make the good better.

There are many options nearby, but I cannot justify the price.  Options overseas are cheaper, but the airfare is cost prohibitive.  It seems as though the ready made options are out, but I am not giving up.  I am going to see if I can cobble together my own total immersion experience on a budget.  Without sleeping in my car outside an urban yoga studio, that is.

If anyone has any suggestions or knows of any wallet-friendly retreats, please let me or my monkey know:)

 

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Balm Squad

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Česky: Solvina - čistící prostředek English: S...

There are times in our lives when even the biggest and strongest among us need to be soothed.  We crave the warm embrace and soft folds of our childhoods.  Since it is generally not socially acceptable to carry around a baby blanket after preschool, we need to find new ways to provide comfort after childhood.  We need to assemble out balm squad, an army of comfort that we can call upon when the world around us threatens to explode.

My own balm squad includes the following:

a mug of hot tea or coffee (or even just the smell of coffee)

the smell of patchouli (yup, my parents were kinda hippies)

Spanish guitar, Celtic music, or Metallica (little weird, I know)

a certain paisley throw I bought soon after the divorce for an imagined future living room

bare skin in the sun

a hot bath with smell-good stuff

cuddle time with the cat or dog

the rocking of a hammock, boat, or dock

 

What comprises your balm squad?

 

Two Ladies Going to Verona

Posted on by stilllearning2b

It was a happy accident.  My mom was talking about how she met the goal of improving her blood work (cholesterol, glucose, etc.) and needed a new motivation to continue to eat right and exercise.  I was feeling the travel bug biting hard and my unused passport in my maiden name was growing restless.  And, somehow, some way, the topic of Italy came up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She mentioned that it was her dream destination.  The top contender on the bucket list.  I casually mentioned, “Why don’t we do it together.”  I heard her face light up over the phone.  She grew excited.  Giddy.  We only had a few minutes until I had to go, so we quickly talked through some basics.  I had made the trip to Italy once before with a high school group, so I had some idea of what I wanted to do on this trip.  I thought of the places I had gone and what I wanted to share with her. I took off like a rocket.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rome, of course.  The history there.  Piazza Navona and that little gelato place.  Vatican museum.  That place was amazing.  Famous artwork even lined the hallways to the bathrooms.  All those cathedrals.  The Coliseum.  I wonder if it’s still full of cats?  The Pantheon.  That one caught me by surprise.  The beauty and unexpected joy of the rain pouring through the occulus.   Florence.  The Uffizi Gallery.  Oh my god, those statues were amazing.  Pompeii.  I still dream of that place.  Inspiring and haunting all at once.  All the images came tumbling back.

I never made it north of Florence.  She began to speak wistfully of Venice and the lake country.  We would have to include those, as well.

When?  We set a date.  Summer of 2013.

All of this occurred in under 20 minutes.  A trip sketched out.  A dream laid.

Good thing I tossed a coin in here 20 years ago!

I had a busy evening with friends that night.  She had a busy evening too; purchasing travel and Italy apps, buying books, and beginning research.  I could tell she was thrilled.  Even better, I could tell she was motivated to stay healthy to be able to handle the rigors of Italy.  I am excited to be able to do this trip together: mother and daughter.  We will have our challenges, but they are known ones and mainly due to our different paces.  It’s a good thing that I have mellowed somewhat and that my Vibram running shoes pack down small:)  I am looking forward to showing her the sights that made such an impact on me 20 years ago and seeing the look on her face as she visits the locals of her dreams.

This was just a few short weeks ago.  Since then, she has mapped out the itinerary and started researching hostels.  I have begun the process of figuring out how to feed myself while there (luckily, it looks like gluten free will be easy, but I remember them all too clearly calling me a “sadomasochist” for being vegetarian when I was a teenager).  I’ve been inundated with Italy-themed emails and the first “mom” package of books has arrived.  I love it.  I get to see my mom excited and, for me, I get to obtain the first stamp on the passport of my new life.

Look out Verona, these two ladies are coming your way!