Get Fit Virtual Event

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Discover the #1 shared secret that super achievers like Oprah, Richard Branson and Bill Gates link to their success

Do you have any idea what top performers in all walks of life have in common?

(Think about that for a moment!)

You might say they’re all brilliant or that they have amazing focus and determination. 

(Perhaps!)

But I’m sure you also know many high achievers who couldn’t make it through high school, let alone college.

(So you know it’s not just smarts!)

 

What is it then?

 

Believe it or not, it’s Fitness!

(And anyone can apply this to their own life for maximum benefit!)

 

Imagine what you could accomplish if you were totally Fit in Body, Mind and Spirit!

 

I’m excited to tell you that I’m part of an amazing video summit that teaches you exactly how to get Fit! You will learn how to tune into your body, your mind and your spirit to get whatever your heart desires!

 

Introducing this Special Video Summit hosted by my friend and colleague,

Dawn Berube:

Get Fit Virtual Event: Your #1 Resource to Achieve Your Goals, Cross That Finish Line and Stay Fit For Life!

And it’s free! Sign up here now.

 

Dawn and her speakers are inspiring!  Dawn shows you how to overcome whatever is holding you back from reaching your highest goals! You’ll learn how Dawn was able to transform a traumatic experience in her 20’s into a career and fulfilling life she lives today. Now as an exercise physiologist, personal trainer, running & swimming coach and meditation instructor, she knows the secret to getting fit and she can’t wait to share it with you.

Her message is simple. Get Fit. Be Empowered. Achieve Your Goals.

You Can Do It!

This doesn’t mean you aren’t already amazing. It just means learning to apply the secrets that top-performers apply to fulfill your dreams. This summit will show you how to do it!

Claim your seat at the video summit.

I join 21 amazing experts who share their insider secrets to getting Fit with you. You’ll get the inside track to feeling fit and fabulous in your body, your mind and your spirit to live an empowered life!

 

Join me and get FREE Access to the Get Fit Virtual Event: Your #1 FREE Resource to Achieve Your Goals, Cross The Finish Line and Stay Fit For Life.

Start your journey today.

 

Join me today!

 

P.S. Interviews will be released one a day for 21 days starting immediately. Don’t miss out on this transformational opportunity! http://www.getfitvirtualevent.com/lisaarends

Cutting the Last Tie

Posted on by stilllearning2b

It’s going on two hours now and I can’t stop crying.

 

I thought I had six more months. That’s what I had paced myself for and steeled myself for.

But I don’t have six more months.

I have one.

One more month and the last tie to my past is cut clean.

 

I received a generous birthday gift today that will allow me to pay off the rest of debt from my ex. He left me with so much to pay – lawyers, doctors, court fees, insurance, utilities, car payments.

And two credit cards in my name.

One of them made me angry but didn’t make me feel violated. It was used for furniture we owned and I was told it was paid off (as per our agreement) before the end of the one year grace period on interest. I was angry that he didn’t pay and I was left holding the bill, but at least it was for a joint purpose.

As for the other?

That’s different. I never checked the account because it was only supposed to be an emergency line of credit. I guess we had different definitions of emergency. After he left and I first saw that account, I felt a weight press down on me.

Its balance was equal to my take-home pay for one year.

The activity showed expenditures on his honeymoon with the other wife as well as large transfers to a card in his name and multiple cash withdrawals.

I’ve been paying on that account for years, trying to mitigate the sick anger and disgust with every payment by including a note of gratitude in my “July disasster” file.

I’ve been carrying the weight of that account for years, cash-strapped as a significant portion of every paycheck has gone to fund whatever lies he was living.

 

This gift today is a gift of freedom.

Freedom from the emotional burden of that damned debt that’s like a monetization of his lies.

Freedom to receive my entire paycheck for the first time in five years without paying for the mistakes of the past.

Freedom to begin to save to finally replace my car.

Freedom to build without encumbrances – looking forward and paying forward.

 

I can breathe.

But I still can’t stop crying:)

 

Use Your Words

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I like to read advice columns and forums where people seek guidance and direction. It’s interesting to find where people struggle and comforting to find the universal life themes interwoven in many of the dilemmas.

But there is one common theme I don’t quite understand – asking a stranger a question that you really need to ask your partner.

 

“Would my partner be okay with…”

“Would my partner be upset if I…”

“How will my partner react if…”

“How will my partner feel…”

 

Now, I get it. Some conversations are difficult to have. It is scary to ask your partner an emotionally-charged question when you may not like the answer. It’s a leap of faith that your bond is greater than your bombshell. It’s trust that you can survive opening your mouth and exposing your heart. It’s courage to say what needs to be said even if the fallout causes pain.

For some people, initiating a conversation, even a difficult one, is no big deal.

I’m not one of those people.

I don’t like conflict.

I don’t like to disappoint.

And I don’t like to stir the pot.

But sometimes, that pot needs to be stirred.

Even overturned.

Here are some of the strategies I have developed over the years to make those difficult conversations just a little bit easier:

Test the Waters

It’s okay to put a toe in first. There’s no rule that says a conversation has to entered with a full-on cannonball. Rather than laying out the whole ordeal, reveal just a snippet. Or express the scenario as happening to someone else. Gauge the reaction. Gather data. Back up and try again. Plan your approach better this time. You can initiate the conversation in drops rather than a deluge.

Write it Out

If you are fearful of your partner’s reaction (or your response to your partner’s reaction) or if you are concerned that you may not choose the right words in the moment, write your side of the conversation to your partner. Not a text. Or a Facebook message. But a letter. Or email. Be thoughtful in your word choice and in your timing. Your intent is to start a dialog, not a war.

Move Forward

There’s something about forward progress and lack of eye contact that makes discussion easier and less threatening. Plan your talk for a drive. Or a walk. Or a hike. Probably not a run though, unless you want to pass out from lack of oxygen.

Talk to Yourself

Have the conversation with yourself first. Practice. Refine your goal and your approach. Set a time limit for your rehearsal; if you take too long to contemplate before you speak, you’ll soon fall into rumination and only intensify your fear.

Table it For Now

It’s okay to start the conversation and then leave it for a while. Much like baking bread, sometimes a topic needs to rest to help it fully rise. Don’t let this be an excuse to ignore the difficult topic; make a commitment to revisit it in a day. A week. Or a month.

Bring Your E.Q.

That’s emotional intelligence for those of you that didn’t grow up surrounded by self-help books🙂 Bring an awareness of yourself and leave your defensiveness behind. Understand your triggers and be receptive to the idea that you may be reacting (or overreacting) to the past rather than the present.  Be mindful of your partner’s past and triggers and their impact on the now. Consider the possessing speed that both you and your partner have; it may take some time for the real responses to emerge.

Use a Candle

No, really.

Be Ready to Listen

It’s easy to get so caught up in thinking through what you want to say (especially if you’re nervous or emotional), that you forget to listen. It’s not all about you; be attentive to your partner’s responses.

 

Sometimes there’s a feeling that if we keep it inside, we keep it safe. But holding on to something you need you say only feeds it with your own fears and distress. And allows it to grow.

“We need to talk” isn’t an invitation to a torture chamber.

It’s part of a healthy, growing and evolving relationship.

Dear Abby may give good advice.

But she can’t have the conversation for you.

Use your words.

 

 

 

 

Mythical Thinking About Marriage

Posted on by stilllearning2b

One of the more fun aspects of blogging is the record of what you were doing and thinking at various points in your past. Some of my posts can still make me smile or cry. Some are funny to read to see the progress in my writing and my mindset over the years. And some? Well, some are just plain embarrassing:)

I recently unearthed one of my first posts from January 2012. I was so new, I even approved an obvious spam comment on the original post just because I was so excited to have someone, even if it was a bot, comment on my page. Even though I was a neophyte at the time, I still find some good points in this post. See what you think.

Oh, and if you’re a spam bot, don’t waste your time trying to comment. I’m smarter now:)

 

Myths…or Mythical Thinking

The article, 3 Myths About Happy Marriages on PsychCentral introduced myths that are based on the work of John Gottman, Ph.D and his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. I think these myths, although possessing some truth, are a bit of a slippery slope.

Myth 1: Better Communication Will Not Save Your Marriage

If the marriage is on rocky footing, talking will not bring in the rescue copters.  And, as the article states, it is difficult to remain calm and rational in the midst of a perceived attack (I know those “I” statements well, after growing up with a counselor for a mom, and even I can’t maintain that poise in a heated discussion).  My concern comes from the implication that communication is not important;  that a marriage can exist in the spaces between withheld information.  I cannot work well with a coworker when there is not adequate communication; I’m not sure how a marriage is supposed to thrive.

Myth 2: Avoiding Conflict Will Kill Your Marraige

Not every need can be expected to be met, and sometimes conflict is just because of a grouchy mood,but there is a danger to not addressing legitimate concerns.  In retrospect, I realize that my marriage was conflict-avoidant; I tended to shy away from problems due to anxiety and my ex-husband refrained from conflict in order to not trigger my anxiety.   As a result, the problems grew too large for anyone to face.

Myth 3: Reciprocity Underlies Happy Marriages

I once knew a couple who kept a scorecard on the fridge to keep track of the “he dids” and “she dids.”  I don’t think they were very happy!  However, I do think reciprocity is essential in a marriage  in terms of mutual respect, and that this respect takes the form of acts of service or kindness for the other person.  Tallies shouldn’t have to be drawn, but each person should be operating with the other in mind.

All marriages are different (my current relationship is quite unlike my marriage in many ways), but I think that each of these myths has a place in a healthy relationship.

What You See Is What You Get

Posted on by stilllearning2b

So I woke up feeling better this morning.

Better, that is, until this happened.

photo-43

 

I was standing at the large window by the table and my husband was in the driveway beyond the deck when the tree gave up and came crashing down. We were lucky. Everyone, including Tiger, was safe. The damage only to wood and metal, not flesh and bone.

I’m not gonna lie. I’m still a bit shaken up. It’s scary when glass explodes in front of your face and wood screams as it splinters. It’s frightening and disorienting when your house trembles under a cloudless sky. My breathing is still a little shallow. My heart a little rapid.

But more than anything, I’m thankful. Thankful that everyone is okay and that the damage can be repaired by carpenters rather than surgeons.

 

As with anything in life, what you see is what you get. If you look at a situation and see only the negative, that is what will stand out. If, however, you are able to see the blessings and potential within, the entire situation feels more positive. More doable.

The video below is one of the most inspiring examples I have ever seen of someone seeing and maximizing potential rather than focusing on the limitations.

Watch.

Be inspired.

And bring some tissues.

 

 

Now look around your life. What you see is what you get. What will you see today?