I’ve Been Slacking

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Some time ago, I committed to two small daily acts of self care – a ten-minute meditation session and a minimum of three entries in a gratitude journal app.

And I’ve been slacking.

According to my gratitude app, I haven’t added anything since April (Ugh. That’s embarrassing to admit. I didn’t realize that it had been that long.) and my mediation practice has been sporadic at best.

I could offer up excuses. I’m good at it. In fact, I’ve been feeding myself the lie that I’ve been too busy, that the demands of life haven’t allowed room for breath or for gratitude.

But that’s B.S., plain and simple.

The reality is that I’ve gotten lazy about it. Allowed the habits to fade like fabric in the sun. I am realizing that I’m more faithful to these acts of self-care when things are difficult. When we lost Tiger suddenly last November, I grasped onto that daily expression of gratitude in order to keep going, many times entering submissions throughout the day instead of simply when my alert went off. And then as my grieving progressed and I shifted my energy to the new puppy, my practice fell by the wayside.

So today, I’m recommitting to these two practices. I just finished a 9-minute meditation on simplifying life and I’ve added the following to my gratitude journal:

  • the opportunity for the relationship with my dad that I now have
  • time with my heart niece today taking her zip-lining
  • seeing Kazh teach another dog how to be calm and happy (SO proud of him!)
  • that the $644 quote I received for a 30,000 mile tune-up was an anomaly
  • I’ve had adventures before I have to go to work next week so that I won’t be envious of other’s travels
  • opportunities to begin again and learning not to be so hard on myself

 

Divorce: Expectations vs. Reality

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Was your divorce anything like you would have expected divorce to be like?

I know mine wasn’t.

Not. Even. Close.

Movies, books, billboards, magazine articles and my own parent’s divorce created certain expectations in my mind about what I could anticipate from divorce.

But the reality?

Something entirely different.

Can you relate?

Here are the expectations many of us have before we experience divorce and the reality that we realize only once we’re living it. 

Five Vows to Make With Yourself After Divorce

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Divorce affects us all differently. Some come out of the courthouse immediately feeling lighter, while others carry the heavy weight of sadness for many years. Some look forward to a new beginning; others grow fearful or hopeless about their imagined futures. Some cry. Some scream. Some grow bitter. And some grow more determined.

Yet no matter your personal circumstances or your individual response to divorce, this is an opening. An opportunity. A chance for you to take stock of your life, realign yourself with your values and purpose and make a commitment.

Not to another.

But to yourself.

These are the five promises I made to myself after divorce (I think #5 was the hardest and also the most important).

Have you made vows with yourself after your divorce? If not, maybe it’s time. After all, the promises we make to ourselves are perhaps the most important ones of all.

Four Surprising Emotions You May Experience When You’ve Been Cheated On

Posted on by stilllearning2b
cheated on

Shock?

Check.

 

Anger?

In droves.

 

Sadness?

The tears were surely a testament to that.

 

Fear of what was to come?

In every moment.

 

Those were some of the emotions that I experienced when I discovered that my first husband had been having an affair. None of those feelings surprised me; they were the emotions I would have expected to follow the gut-wrenching discovery of betrayal.

But they weren’t the only feelings that I experienced. And the others caught me off-guard. Here are four unexpected emotions that you may experience after the discovery of infidelity.

7 Vital Lessons Divorce Teaches Children

Posted on by stilllearning2b
children

I was in elementary school when my parents divorced and my dad moved out. I remember being confused – how could a family suddenly be not-a-family? I was sad – not only did I miss my dad, but I saw that mom was hurting. And I was ashamed, concerned that somehow my friends would judge me and my family because of the split. As I grew older, I began to internalize some of the events and developed a feeling that I wasn’t enough.

There’s no doubt about it, their divorce impacted me.

And not all of the effects were negative.

In fact, I now credit their divorce (and the way it was handled with me) with being the source for some of the most important messages I received in childhood.

I know that divorce is the last thing you ever wanted your children to experience. But there are ways to make the best of it. Here are seven vital lessons that your children can learn from your divorce.