therapy

I have always been very independent. As a very young (and short) child, I would use household objects as tool in order to reach the light switches so that I would not have to depend upon anyone else. Overall, I believe that this trait has served me well. Until I got divorced, that is. Those first few weeks were hell on my body. I could not eat, causing my already slim frame to waste away to nothing. My ribs stood out in relief along my back. My body was racked with tremors, the anxiety too much for mere flesh and bones to contain. I did not sleep; my body refused to rest.

Those around me encouraged me to try medication. I resisted. I was determined to do this alone, without the aid of a pharmacy. Eventually, my body made the decision for me as days moved into weeks and I saw no improvement. I ended up with some substantial medication to help me eat and sleep (300 mg Trazadone, if you’re keeping count…and I could still push through that on many nights). I found peace with my decision to accept pharmaceutical assistance. Those pills allowed my body to function for the first 8 months. I let them go when I was able to go solo again.

There is no shame is asking for help. We accept the fact that those at the at the end of life and those at the beginning of life require assistance, yet we somehow believe that adults should be able to be independent. Divorce is the death of one life and the infancy of another. You will need help.

Here are three sources of help you may find you need:

1) Therapy

Depending upon your situation, your prior coping skills, and your support system, you may be in need of therapy. That is not a sign of weakness or a sign that you are crazy. You are going through one of the most stressful events that one can endure and you may not be prepared to handle it on your own. A therapist can be your guide down the road to healing. Don’t be afraid to try different approaches and different people until you find what works for you.

2) Medication

I had to face the difficult lesson that sometimes you can’t fix your body through sheer will. Medication may need to be investigated if you are unable to sleep or eat for a significant period or if sadness or anxiety are completely overwhelming. I know I was afraid of triggering dependency, as I felt that I was in a very vulnerable place. I discussed this with my doctor and so medications were chosen that were not considered high risk for abuse.

3) Time

Divorce is exhausting. Adding to that, you have to adapt to your new responsibilities, navigate the court system, and somehow find time to process the whole mess. This is a time when taking some leave from work is acceptable; your self-work needs to take priority for a while. If you are parent, ask someone to watch the kids so that you can have some time alone.

It is far better to temporarily suffer the embarrassment and discomfort of asking for help than to permanently suffer in silence. Ask for a hand, and let it guide you through.

I have exercised regularly since high school. It was always an important part of my life. It allowed me to release excess energy and frustration, it made me feel better physically and emotionally, and it helped me to feel strong.

When my divorce occurred, exercise gained an even greater importance in my life. It allowed me to reconnect with my body on those days when I was drifting. When anger was the driving force, the heavy bag contained the essence of my ex. I would go on long runs to wear out the demons of anxiety that had taken up residence in my brain. I took spin classes, riding through the discomfort, proving to myself that I could endure. I lifted weights to build muscle, trying to convince myself that made me strong. I did yoga, exploring my edge and going beyond what I thought I could accomplish.

In all of that, my favorite exercise was the kettlebell. It became my therapist and my coach. The kettlebell forced me to integrate my movements. It required I find a rhythm. It showed me that I had power hidden within me that I could tap in to. It showed me that simplicity can be beautiful and momentum can be harnessed. It integrated the mindfulness of yoga with the power of lifting and the endurance of running.

On a practical note, the kettlebell took little space, made no noise to wake the neighbors, and could be done in a short amount of time. All of which have been requirements in the last few years at some point.

Those thrice weekly appointments with my iron therapist have not only soothed my ind they have also helped to sculpt my body. Kettlebells are amazing for their ability to build muscle and shred fat at once. I tend to mix it up, but here is an example of a common workout for me:

Note: I use a Gymboss timer to make this easy!

Choose a weight that is easy to move for a few reps but that becomes challenging, but not impossible, over the duration of the interval.

Set the timer for 20 1-minute work sessions with 30 seconds of rest between each interval. Each exercise is to be completed for the 1 minute duration.

one-armed kettlebell swings – right

one-armed kettlebell swings – left

one-armed snatch – right

one-armed snatch – left

around the world – right

around the world – left

goblet squats

farmer’s walk – right

farmer’s walk – left

Turkish get-up (alternate sides)

Repeat circuit. This usually has me so wiped that it is difficult to get up the stairs.

Videos of all of these exercises and more can be found here.

There’s No Shame in Asking for Help

How a Kettlebell Became My Therapist

therapy

Share this:

Share this: