In Case of Emergency, Open File

Posted on by stilllearning2b

As a teacher, I am well-versed and well-practiced in emergency management plans. We meet as a faculty at the beginning of every school year and we learn the latest procedures and dialog through possible scenarios. We exit the meeting armed with detailed plans and signs, to be at the ready in case of an emergency. We then drill each plan throughout the year to iron out any problems and ensure that there is some about of automaticity to the procedure in case it actually has to be implemented during a true crisis.

I’m sure many of you have a similar situation at your work – you know what to do and where to go in case of fire, tornado, earthquake or, unfortunately, crazed gunman. You hope to never need those plans (and try to skirt around the thought of any of those events actually occurring), yet their mere presence offers some measure of comfort.

Because when we are in a true emergency, it is difficult to think. To process. When some level of decision has already been made in calmer times, it helps to ensure a basic level of operation in the heat of the moment and frees the mind to tackle the situation at hand.

 

You have emergency plans in case of fire.

Or break-in.

Or zombie apocalypse.

Or maybe even a traffic jam that leaves you unable to get to daycare before closing.

 

But do you have any emergency plans in case of a personal crisis?

A divorce.

A death.

A medical emergency.

A job loss.

Or just a I-can’t-take-it-anymore breakdown of undetermined origin.

 

Maybe you should.

 

We don’t like to think about those events happening. We don’t want to consider tragedy affecting our families. But, as we know, just because you want to think about it happening, doesn’t mean it won’t. And the reality is that al of us will face one or more of the above in our lifetimes.

 

So be prepared.

 

Create your own personal crisis plan while you are not in crisis.

 

Who will you call?

Where will you go?

What do you need to have at the ready?

If it is a protracted situation, what needs to happen to simply carry out daily life while the emergency unfolds?

 

Be specific. Your plan needs to leave no room for doubt in the moment.

Create structure. In crisis, we often need every step spelled out.

Address possibilities. The more thinking you do ahead, the more apt you will be to respond well in the moment.

 

Write it down. Sketch it out. Create a spreadsheet or a diagram.

And then tuck it away in a file, either electronic or tangible.

 

And in case of emergency, open file.

First Responder Mode

Posted on by stilllearning2b

 

Wounded arriving at triage station, Suippes, F...
Wounded arriving at triage station, Suippes, France from sanitary train. Selected by Scott. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I had dinner last night with a friend who recently experienced a significant break up. This also happened to coincide with her completion of an education program and the start of a new job.

 

She’s in first responder mode as she works to triage her life. The pain and heartbreak have to be pushed aside for the moment as she tends to exams and the demands of a new job.

 

It’s a state I identify with – the adrenaline fueled days and sleepless nights. The pressing demands overriding any fear or emotion. The tunnel vision that develops so that you can attend to one crisis at a time. The weird excitement that courses through the body, even in the face of loss.

 

I went into first responder mode when my husband left. I was facing overwhelming change – loss of a husband, home, dogs and health. Nothing was the same. I had never ending legal obligations between the divorce and the criminal trial. I had the same job, but the start of the school year was fast approaching and that is always a time of increased stress and adjustment.

 

I triaged my life. I set priorities and worked to accomplish them. There wasn’t room to feel sad. I let my focus narrow and I allowed anger to be my fuel. In an emergency, you have to be able to ignore all non-essentials to address the matters of life and death. You need to be able to act rather than feel. You don’t have time to worry about non life threatening issues or to attend to the bigger picture. It’s all about doing what needs to be done so that life continues for another breath.

 

Eventually, the emergencies pass and the first responder mode is not appropriate any longer. I remember my struggle to let go of my first responder and to allow a more holistic self-caregiver to take her place. Here is the advice I gave my friend last night based on my own experiences:

 

– It’s okay to not feel right now. You have to do what needs to be done to make sure your basic needs are met. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you.

 

– Just like the reality of a medical emergency hits after the danger has passed, expect the reality of this to hit you once the initial crisis have been navigated. Don’t be surprised.

 

– Allow yourself to feel; don’t stay too distracted for too long. You’ve compartmentalized for the moment so that you can function. Those walls won’t hold forever. When you are ready, slow down. The fear of the pain is usually worse than the pain itself.

 

– Again, when you are ready, look for what you can learn from the relationship. When those nuggets come up right now, file them away for later when you are better able to analyze them.

 

– I know you want to be okay. But don’t let that desire cause you to pretend to be okay before you really are. There is no timeline, but if you don’t heal, it will eventually fester.

– It’s okay to ask for help. First responders rarely work alone.

 

– Be careful of the adrenaline; it can become addictive. Unless you want to live your life jumping from one emergency to another, you have to learn to let it go when it is no longer needed.

 

I know my friend will be okay. She’s strong and capable. In time, her emergency will resolve and she can leave her first responder mode behind.

 

This is a Test of the Emergency Rant System

Posted on by stilllearning2b
Emergency
Emergency (Photo credit: Terry Bain)

This is only a test. If this were a real rant, the computer would be out the window and my hands would be pummeling the heavy bag instead of the keyboard.

It is not fair.

It’s not fair that I am left cleaning up and facing the consequences of the enormous financial mess he left behind. I just found out today that it’s worse than I thought and I will be making payments on charges he ran up for the next few years. Every time I write that check, how do I keep from wondering what I’m paying for – women, booze, trips, gambling? What? When I tried to investigate the charges shortly after receiving the text, he changed the password while I was in the account. Covering tracks, I suppose.

The only reason he was on the card was so that he could handle the occasional phone calls needed for a dispute or issue since I couldn’t use the phone while teaching. Apparently he saw it – and me – as his personal ATM. I feel like I’m now paying penance for trusting him.

It is not fair.

I have worked so hard for so many years to try to get ahead. I gave up my intended career and over 100 college hours to follow him and support us while his employment was uncertain. I tutored for hours after school to make extra money to spend on trips or the hot tub we bought a year before he left. And after he left? I’ve had to be so careful with money. The lawyers, courts, and various other debts took my income that first year and made a significant dent the next two. I was just starting to breath, thinking I was making progress. But, no. Not yet. Even though he’s gone, he still manages to hurt me. It’s like the nightmare after the horror movie. I just want it to end.

It is not fair.

As far as I know, he continues to sidestep his responsibilities. They’re after him, but I don’t know if anything will ever come from it.

It is not fair.

But I’ll be okay.

Just like everything else, I’ll get through this. My marathon next week can be training for writing those damned checks. One check for every mile, perhaps. And when it’s done, it’s done. The end.

I’ll be okay.

My boyfriend’s response when I texted him the news today? “We will get through it together:).” Yes, we will. And, you know what? Coming home to a messy kitchen seems pretty silly compared to fraud.

I’ll be okay.

I’m lucky. I have it so much easier than divorced people with children to look out for. I have a solid career that gives me the ability to sign those accursed checks. This has an expiration date. I just wish I didn’t have to continue to hold on to the the soured milk.

I will be okay. I will end today grateful for what I have rather than cursing what was taken.

That is the conclusion of the test of our emergency rant system. We now resume our regular programming.

I Was Lucky

An Open Letter to the IRS

And, an update on the situation: Practicing What I Preach