Them’s the Rules – A Blogging Year in Review

I am a rule follower in most areas of my life. But not in the blogging world. I don’t proofread (and I make lots of typos!:) ). I fail to spend time formatting pictures. And I’ll post multiple times in a day. Furthermore, I am absolutely horrendous at following the guidelines for awards (although I am eternally grateful to those of you who have graciously sent them my way). However,  there is one blogging tradition that I feel like I just have to honor – the year in recap, especially since the one year anniversary of my blog coincides with the conclusion of 2012.

So, here goes – a look back at Lessons From the End of a Marriage 2012. I apologize in advance if I get this wrong. Again, I don’t follow the blogging rules so well:)

The Beginning

Last December, I spent some time with my friend Christian. I showed him the outline of the book which I had started two years prior and had just committed to finishing. He recommended that I start a blog as a way of pre-marketing the book. I knew nothing about blogging, so I downloaded two Kindle books on the subject – one free and one $.99 – and I set up my WordPress site that afternoon. I set a goal of posting at least three times a week, but I was intimidated by the thought of coming up with that many ideas.

I didn’t need to worry. The ideas just began to flow and I found myself posting daily. I found a rhythm of writing in the mornings and jotting down ideas throughout the day in a small spiral notebook I kept in my purse (no iPhone yet:) ). I started following other blogs and found myself pleasantly surprised at the supportive WordPress community. I was still working on the book and the blog was a great place to explore ideas and solidify the themes.

I experimented with Facebook and Twitter and tweaked my blog settings. I never really knew what I was doing; I simply did what felt right in the moment. Looking back, some of the posts makes me giggle and some make me cringe. But I’ll leave them – they are part of the history.

I learned the humor inherent in seeing how people found my site. My favorite search terms?

  • lisa arends bigamy (This one always makes me giggle. I’m not the bigamist! 🙂 )
  • monkey lifting weights (because of this post)
  • shaved monkey (that would be this one – I guess my monkey mind titles are a little strange:))
  • how to get away with bigamy (please – just say no!)
  • happy birthday to my car (I felt weird when I wrote that title, but I guess I’m not the only one)
  • goddess flexibility pics (uhmm…thanks but I’m no goddess and I’m not very flexible)
  • math show sole (????)
  • squish bikini (eww! there is a pic on here of me in a bikini, but I don’t consider myself to be super squishy)
  • crying is okay here (yes it is)
  • the joy of outdoor showering (I know I love it)
  • who did mrs wayne dyer marry (I would hope Mr. Wayne Dyer)

I went into blogging with the idea of promoting a book. I had no idea that it (and writing) would become an inherent part of my life.

Key posts:

How it Began

When is a Phone More Than a Phone?

Softness Isn’t Just for Selling Tissues

The Garden

Wanted: The Ronald McDonald House for the Recently Seperated

10 Things My Vibrams Taught Me About Relationships

The Importance of Love Mentors

The Blame Game

Rebooting: Are You in Safe Mode?

Taming the Monkey Mind

Goal Post

I Was Lucky

Two Years Ago Today

You Make Me Happy

What Set Theory Can Teach Us About Marriage

The Big Time

As I made my way into the blogging world, I found myself commenting on sites all over the net. Huffington Post was a frequent visit of mine and I often found that the articles in their “divorce” section spurred my own ideas, which I frequently left on their page. Then, in April, much to my surprise, I was asked to write a piece for them sharing my story.

And, oh what a ride that was. The piece went viral, sending over 20,000 visitors to my site in two days. It was cross-posted around the world in a variety of languages. The comments poured in. Most were shocked. Many were supportive. And some were hateful.

It was a strange feeling. Until that point, I had a relatively small and insular group of readers. I had kept my name hidden (thus stilllearning2b). My readers were supportive and understanding. The readers of Huff Post? Not so much. This was a crossroads for me – I had to decide if I wanted to pull back or go full force with my story, not knowing what the repercussions would be and having to thicken my skin in the process.

I think my choice is evident. I remembered my motivation to share in the first place – I didn’t want anyone to feel alone in their journey as I once did. I kept writing, adding more Huffington pieces and adding MindBodyGreen and others to the list.

Key Posts:

Check Out My Article in the Huffington Post!

Signs in the Rearview Mirror

Reaction

Strange Place to Be

Tsunami Divorce

8 Ways Yoga Supported Me Through Divorce

Have You Taken Out Your Mental Garbage?

The Long Con

Getting Away With Bigamy

The Book

By the end of July, the book was finally finished and ready to be published. I wondered if I would still feel the compulsion to write now that the project was complete. Again, I had nothing to worry about.

This period was when I really began to identify as a writer. I decided to be transparent in the process and share my story of self-publishing and writing for Huffington Post. The completion of the book also put me in a different place emotionally, and my posts began to focus more on present day rather than with wrestling demons from the past.

Key Posts:

When Can I Call Myself a Writer?

Adventures in Publishing

Adventures in Publishing, Part II

From Victim to Victory

How to Become a Huffington Post Blogger

Welcoming the End of an Era

Write Yourself Through Divorce

Beyond Belief

Things exploded in the early fall. Another Huffington article went viral and I began to be contacted almost daily by producers. Most offers fell flat for one reason or another, but The Jeff Probst Show became a reality in September. It. Was. Surreal.

I had already exposed my identity to the internet, but now my “teacher persona” and “blogger persona” met for the first time. My coworkers read my book and approached me in the halls, giving me sympathetic hugs. My student’s parents sent me encouraging emails and engaged in whispered conversations at school events.

My little blog project wasn’t so little any more and it had grown well beyond what I could control. There was some anxiety associated with being so “out there.” It’s not always easy to have strangers comment on your life, your feelings and your actions.

Key Posts:

Time Travel

If You Missed the Show

My Motivation

Who Is He?

Lisa Arends on The Moffett Message

Marital Fraud: Questions Answered

The Blessings

I keep coming back to this. Every time I ponder pulling back, I receive an email or comment that helps me recommit to sharing. I have been so touched, so humbled and so inspired by the messages I receive or the posts I read from others who are surviving their own tsunamis. Additionally, I have found that writing reminds me of what I have in my life; it makes me grateful for what is rather than bitter for what was lost. I no longer feel alone. I am amazed at the supportive community that is all around us if we are willing to be vulnerable and show our pain. You guys are awesome:)

Key Posts:

Extend a Hand

Marathon Recap: I Won

Forgiveness 101

Quitting vs Letting Go

This is a Test of the Emergency Rant System

Practicing What I Preach

Love After Divorce: A Reflection on a Journey

I am a planner by nature. It is somewhat uncomfortable for me to accept that I don’t know what 2013 will bring. So here’s to letting go of expectations, staying in the moment, practicing gratitude and sharing the love:) I wish all of you the happiest of new years!

Confessions From a Book Voyeur

I have a confession to make.

I am a book voyeur.

Whenever I enter a space for the first time, I immediately scan the room for bookshelves. If my eyes are lucky enough to land upon shelves laden with tomes, I find myself pulled towards the books as surely as iron to a magnet. My head soon takes on that particular tilt used to read the turned titles and my hand gently glides along the spines. As I scan the selections, I am taking in information about their owner: interests, abandoned hobbies, areas of study, preferred escapes and future dreams. The books don’t waste time on small talk; each one is there for a purpose and that is communicated through its glossy cover.

Sometimes, even if I am in mid-conversation, I start to slide the books off the shelf, one at a time, and flip through them. If one catches my eye, I will sit cross-legged on the floor next to the bookshelf and I will begin to read. I have been known not to stop until the final page is turned.

My ex-husband and I had hundreds of books between us. We each had our own nonfiction libraries. Mine was filled with math and science books, his with graphic design and rendering texts. We had a co-mingled fiction library overrun with horror and scifi. When I left, I left most of that library behind, as I no longer had the space to store so many books. In the past few years, I have accumulated a small collection again. A collection that speaks to visitors about me.

photo-153

Calculus& Trig books: I rescued some of the main books I used to use for tutoring from my old house. I haven’t tutored in the past 3 years, but it is always a fallback income. I also have a full collection of math books (algebra & geometry) in my classroom.

Mary Roach’s books: These are the only other rescues. I had just discovered her when my ex left and I couldn’t bear to part with them yet.

Nutrition and wellness texts: These were from my certification program to become a nutrition and wellness coach.

The Lucifer Principle: I picked this up in the bargain aisle at Barnes and Noble while waiting for a date.

Javascript: This was a gift from my dad as I was exploring career options post-divorce. I made it about 1/3 of the way through (doing the exercises along the way) and I fully intend to complete the program.

Shift : I love this book. I use its ideas with coaching clients all the time.

Growing Through Divorce :The only divorce themed book on my shelf, other than mine:)

Lessons From the End of a Marriage: Still feels strange to see my dream in paperback.

The Sociopath Next Door: The first reading I did that gave me something to think about regarding my ex’s mental state.

Hiking and camping books: Duh. You can’t tell me you’re surprised? 🙂

Dictionary: I usually use the one on the computer, but I sometimes like to read the real version for fun. Nerd alert #1.

Stephen Hawkins: Nerd alert #2.

Stephen King: He has been my favorite author since I was 10. I used to have the entire collection. Now, I have two real books and many more on my Kindle. I love his blend of gritty reality and fantasy.

In Search of the Warrior Spirit: This is one that Brock loaned me that ended up in my collection. All his reading centers on martial arts, survival, and training. He directs some of them my way and I’m often surprised to find how much I relate. I love how he and I learn parallel lessons through different avenues.

Dean Koontz and Six Degrees of Separation: Nope, not related except that I bought them from the same used book store on an emergency book run while on a visit to San Antonio.

Nicholas Evans – The Divide: Waaaay out of my usual genre. This was snatched from my mom’s bookshelf on that same trip. This is why I love my Kindle so much – I never have to worry about running out of books again:)

Seattle books: These were a gift from my dad when I was planning on moving to the rainy city.

The Brief Wonderous Life of Oscar Wao: This was a hand me down from a guy I briefly dated.

Mental Floss’s History of the World: I love Mental Floss’s brand of intellectual entertainment. My mom bought this for me from the Carlos Museum’s gift shop while she was in Atlanta for a visit.

During our first holiday season together, Brock grew tired of the spread of books that followed me around his house. He bought me a Kindle, expecting that small tablet would eliminate the literary clutter. Much to his dismay, for the first year or so, it was simply another book, keeping the library loans company. In time, however, I have shifted my reading habits. The library now offers Kindle loans and Amazon always has a selection of free reads. I rarely read print books anymore. This works well for me. It saves space, time, and wrist strength. I thought I would miss the tangible feel of the paper and the distinctive odor that belies the age of the pages, but I do not. What I do miss is the decreasing ability to scan bookshelves. I have no shame in handling the books of a near-stranger, but I would never dream of pursuing the menu of someone’s e-reader of choice. Our choice of books has become more private even as we increasingly live our lives openly online.

Consider yourself warned. If I ever find myself invited into your space, your medicine cabinet is safe. You can trust me with your wallet or your kids. But you might need to watch me around your books:) After all, it’s only fair. I showed you mine.

Adventures in Publishing, Part II

The proof copy of the book came in the mail today! 🙂

 

It’s a bit strange. I’ve gone from being completely ignorant about self-publishing to being to go-to person amongst my friends in the span of two months. I’ve already explored the early stages of the process here and now I will share some of the other hits, suggestions, frustrations and random thoughts about the process now that I am a whole month wiser (I need a sarcasm font!) and I have a couple more iterations of my book under my belt.

Because endless formatting and the start of the school year have left me unable to assemble sentences coherently, I’m going to present this in a series of rambling bullet points.

First, a primer. I published using three platforms: Kindle Direct Publishing (ebook, Amazon), PubIt! (ebook, Nook), and CreateSpace (print, Amazon) in that order.

– ebooks are da bomb! Both programs were easy to work with and the formatting took a minimum of hassle. After I got my head around how certain styles and formatting options looked in html (the file type used for e-readers), it was pretty simple. The main difference between the two programs is that Kindle wants page breaks and PubIt! want section breaks (the latter is also used in CreateSpace so starting from a PubIt! formatted file saves some time).

-For the initial digital cover, I first tried using Fiverr, but I wasn’t happy with what came back. I ended up using Clipart (the online library is pretty good these days) to create my own image in the specified dimensions, saved it as a PDF, and then converted it into a JPEG. It was pretty simple. The main criteria to keep in mind is that the cover needs to look good as a thumbnail.

-I’m not sure about PubIt!, but Kindle offers formatting for a fee (under $100) if you don’t want to tackle it yourself. Otherwise, it’s free. Honestly, it was simple enough, I wouldn’t pay for this service.

-Another benefit of the ebook format is that you can update your file at any time.  The turnaround seems to be a few days for the old file to be replaced with the new.

-I was planning on delaying the release of the print book for several months, mainly to give myself a break and to allow time to collapse after the early days of the school year. Alas, it was not to be:) I was surprised how many people not only preferred tangible books, but did not have access to an e-reader, smart phone, or iPad. So, I quickly got to work reformatting.

-Print books are another animal entirely. With an e-reader, you don’t have to worry about where the text breaks because it is different on every device and changes with the user settings. A paperback is static. You have to get that spacing right. CreateSpace walks you through the process. After I selected my book size (6″x9″), I downloaded a free MS Word template in which to paste my text. This is where I made mistake #1. I assumed that the template was already sized for the format I selected since it came after I was prompted to choose a size. Wrong. The template was for a standard size page. So, I formatted (and numbered!) the whole thing incorrectly on the first pass. Grrr. Unlike me, you should change the paper size (under page formatting) first. The template is a bit strange to get used to – it looks like an open book but the odd pages are on the left, not the right as it will be in print. Have fun with that one.

-I decided to purchase an ISBN number ($99) through Bowker so that I have options regarding distribution. CreateSpace gives you information on all of your options. As a side note, if you purchase your own ISBN, you are technically opening your own publishing house. I’m having fun with that one.

“What did you do this summer?”

“Oh, I just wrote a book and opened my own publishing house.”

Giggle:) I don’t tell them it was as easy as providing my address and credit card number.

-Next, set your margins. For most books, set the outer margins to .50 and the inner to .75. If your book ends up greater than 400 pages, your gutter will need to be increased.

-At this point, I recommend uploading your file to CreateSpace so that it can scan for errors and you can view the document in their mock-up program. This way you can fix any margin or gutter issues before you spend time on fonts and spacing. And, yes, this would be mistake #2. You can upload Word or PDF files. I had better luck with PDF holding true to format.

-Now it’s time to start working with the text. Make sure all of the text is the font and size you desire. I’m not going into all of that here – Google it for more information on fonts than you ever wanted to know. Size everything the way you want it before you begin monkeying around with spacing. Yup, you guessed it. That was my mistake #3.

-Okay, you’re margined and sized? Now you have the delightful task of playing with spacing and section breaks. If you need to change entire paragraphs, select the entire document and play around with Word’s paragraph settings. You can specify where they break, if words are hyphened, and the amount of space between paragraphs. Once the basic settings are where you want, go page by page and make sure that paragraphs are where you want. Remember that new chapters should always begin on odd numbered pages (left side in the template). If you need to add a blank page to make that happen, use a section break. One quirk to be aware of – you are not allowed more than three blanks in a row, including at the beginning and end of the book.

-A brief interlude: Save multiple copies of your file as you move through the process. My file became corrupted as I was putting on the finishing touches. I had been saving versions of it at various points, which ended up saving me. I still had to redo all of the formatting, but I could dig through several versions to find the most recent, yet uncorrupted, file.

-The final step is to insert headers (usually title or title/author) and footers (page numbers). I used the directions on this site. Once you get the hang of it, the page numbers aren’t too bad. Until you get the hang of it, you want to throw your computer out the window.

-Speaking of computers…I have a cute little 11″ MacBook Air. I love the thing. It’s small enough to slip into my purse or a backpack and take to the park or a coffee shop. The battery lasts long enough that I rarely have to worry about bringing along a charger. During the formatting process, however, my computer was not my friend. Its screen was simply too small to be efficient. If you have access to a large monitor, use it for this process!

-I thought I was home free after I finished the interior of the book. I was planning on using the image from my thumbnail in the cover template from CreateSpace. Yeah, not so much. First, the cover creator in CreateSpace is pretty (read: very) limited. There are only a handful of templates to choose from and they offer little in terms of customization. After discovering that the pixel count wasn’t high enough in my original image (they suggest 300 dpi), I had to start over from scratch. I was frustrated with the lack of choice, but I didn’t want to spend the time or money to create a cover (much harder to do for a physical book) without the template. If you use their program, try to enter the process with only a general idea of what you want so that you are not frustrated with their (lack of) options. If you’re still counting, I would call that mistake #4.

-As with Kindle, you can pay CreateSpace (around $300) to do the formatting for you. This may be worth it, especially if you have images or other elements that make it difficult to format.

Overall, self-publishing is relatively easy and can be done for little to no money. It is a great option to get your book out to the world without relying on the whims of agents and publishers. So, what are you waiting for? Finish that book you’re always talking about writing!

No Kindle? No Problem.

So, you don’t have a Kindle but you want to read my book Lessons From the End of a Marriage? No Problem!

Cover of "Kindle Wireless Reading Device,...

You can download a free app from Amazon to read a Kindle book on your pc or Mac.

You can read it on your smartphone by downloading a reading app as well.

Here is the link for the book on Amazon once you have your app set up.

And now for you Nookies, the book is also available on Barnes and Noble.

I will be releasing a print version but it still be a little while… Why wait?

Once you have read the book, please review it on Amazon or B&N and share the link with your friend! Thanks:)

Adventures in Publishing

Somehow it seems appropriate to be here three years after my tsunami divorce.

Just days after the end, I picked up a pen and wrote voluntarily for the first time in my life.  Days after that, I moved my journal to the computer and began to craft a book out of my life. I wrote consistently, even compulsively, for a couple months.  It was therapy.  I spewed my rage and sorrow upon the keyboard and somehow some a story was crafted. Then, as abruptly as I started writing, I stopped.  For two years, I knew that I intended to finish the book, but I couldn’t bring myself to work on it.  The original intensity had faded, yet it was too painful to give the file more than a cursory look.

Finally, last winter, I knew I was ready to begin again.  A friend recommended that I start this blog.  It was a great suggestion, as this has been a place for honing my writing, brainstorming ideas, learning to be comfortable with my writing and story being “out there,” and it has opened up bigger opportunities.  It has also been a distraction from writing the book; 800 word typo-filled blog posts are much easier to write than a full-length fully-edited book.  Who knew? 🙂

It’s tangible.

My goal for this summer was to actually finish the book rather than just talk about it.  I’m pretty much there.  It’s written. It’s formatted. It’s currently being edited.  Once the final changes are made, I’ll upload the final version into KDP (Kindle Direct Publishing) and click “submit.” (…and then re-format the whole thing again for the print version…but I’m not ready to think about that yet!)

A few months ago, I wrote a post contemplating when I could call myself a writer.  I definitely feel like one now after a solid month of sitting on a hard chair in a hot office pounding away at the keys.  The sore brain and butt confirm it. So does the almost full ream of paper it took to print the thing for the editor:)

Computer on the left, book on the right.

It’s been a crazy summer pushing to get all my projects done before school starts up again (which for teachers around here is just a couple weeks away!). I used a 4-part motivation/organization/idea board to keep me going.

FYI – “Body” has my marathon training schedule and reminders to stretch!

It’s crazy to think that I’ll be ready to change the label on the “book” square soon.  Any suggestions for what I should add there?

I know my boyfriend and the animals will be happy to have me spend more time downstairs instead of holed up in my office.  He (the boyfriend, not the dog!) leaves me little notes around my desk.  I found this one in the spiral I use to jot down notes a couple days ago.

You finally get to see what the boyfriend looks like! 🙂

Tiger and Maddy have enjoyed my time writing.  This is on the couch behind my desk.

We think of Tiger as a Pit Bull Ambassador.

This has been an amazing adventure.  The book has been so therapeutic to write; working with the story has helped to distance me from some of the pain.  I have learned so much in the process as I have taken the needed steps to take the book from its infancy three years ago to a finished and published (and hopefully read!) product.

I love that I’m celebrating (yes, celebrating) the three-year anniversary of the tsunami with the completion of the book. It feels like I’m ready to close that chapter of my life and move on to my new lessons.

Until then, I am enjoying some summer (which means resting my brain and running my butt) while awaiting word (hopefully not too many!) from the editor.  And, soon, I hope to push “submit!”

Adventures in Publishing, Part II