Thanksgiving

How To Cultivate Gratitude When Life Bombards You With Lemons

Posted on November 24, 2015March 11, 2019 by stilllearning2b

Some gratitude comes easily. A beautiful day. A smile in response to a kind word. A tax refund. The Netflix release of the latest season of your favorite series.

But life isn’t always about easy. That beautiful day can be followed by a tumultuous storm, washing away everything you cherish. The person who uttered the kind word may never speak again. That tax refund may abruptly transition from fun money to survival funds when the layoffs occur. And the latest season of your favorite series may mark the end of the show.

Usually, we are grateful for the good days and endure the bad, putting gratitude on hold until things look better and the assault ends.

But that’s not the only way.

In fact, gratitude cultivated during the rough parts is paramount for thriving regardless of what life has to offer.

Gratitude is the sugar that turns those sour lemons into lemonade.

Maintain a Smile File

On those really tough days in the classroom with the kids, I have a certain strategy that I like to employ. I stop the lesson, sometimes mid-sentence, walk to file cabinet and pull out a tattered manila envelope with a crudely-drawn smiley face on its exterior.

Without a word, I sit at my desk (something I never do while teaching) and begin to read the contents of the envelope silently. Without fail, the kids fall quiet and stare at me curiously until one pipes up, “What are you doing?”

“Reminding myself why I still teach.”

That envelope is filled with all of the thank you letters and cards I have received from students and parents over the years. It’s a powerful reminder that although that day in the classroom may suck, that day is not the entire picture.

A smile file is a way of collecting and storing life’s good moments to help in the bad ones, much like food is gathered and stored to prepare for the winter ahead.

Apply Gratitude to Wounds Immediately

Gratitude works best when it occurs immediately after (or even during) a bad moment. It not only changes the face of the situation by offering perspective, it also helps to derail the cycle of negativity.

While I was making large monthly payments on the totally unfair and utterly sucky debt my ex left me with, I started a coinciding gratitude list. As soon as I would click “Make Payment” on the website, I would pick up my pen and add one item from my current life that I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for the former life ending in a violent explosion. It changed my thinking. Instead of viewing those installments as bloodletting, I saw them as a down payment on a better life.

Be careful with this strategy, the knee-jerk reaction to rapidly apply gratitude can become habit-forming. While I was weeding the other day, the thorns from a nearby rosebush drew blood as they raked across my exposed side. And after my initial PG13 utterance from the surprise and the pain, I found myself saying thank you for the opportunity to see the final blooms of the season held just above the offending spikes.

Choose Your Words Carefully

I’m bad at this one. When life gets overwhelming with its demands, I have a bad habit of moaning about being too busy. Or too stressed. Or anxious. I’m working on changing the words I choose to assign to these moments.

“I’m lucky to have a life filled with so much.”

“I’m grateful to have the opportunity to do so many things.”

“I’m excited to see what this time might offer.”

The words we say to others have influence. The words we say to ourselves have power.

You cannot change what happens to you, but you can certainly adjust how you label it.

Start by refraining from calling a situation “good” or “bad.” Because good and bad always coexist.

Craft a Gratitude List

Simple enough. Write down what you’re thankful for. It can take the form of a daily gratitude journal, a “top ten” list posted on your bathroom mirror or the screen saver on your computer.

As long as you follow two simple guidelines – write it down and put it where you see it.

Bonus points if you tackle this radical gratitude challenge.

Take a Media Fast

The constant bombardment of media can be detrimental to your well-being. Pintrest reminds us that no amount of hot glue or eyeliner will ever make our lives photo shoot worthy. The news breaks us down with images and stories of suffering while fertilizing our minds with fear. And Facebook encourages comparisons, wondering why our lives always seem to fall short.

So turn it off. Listen to yourself and those immediately around you. Recenter.

And find gratitude for what remains.

Celebrate the Small Victories

Sometimes gratitude is found in the big picture and sometimes it is found within the small moments of hope and joy in a bleaker terrain.

When you’re in the middle of one of those “growth experiences” that life loves to test us with, make the effort to celebrate every little shining moment. Each is a victory worthy of notice.

Pass It Along

When you can’t find anything in your life to be grateful for, give somebody else something to be thankful for. You’ll both feel better.

Still struggling to cultivate gratitude?

Here are some ideas to get you started:

I am grateful for the reminder about what is really important in life.

I am grateful to be forced to slow down.

I am grateful for the opportunity to find out how strong I really am.

I am grateful to discover who my true friends really are.

I am grateful to have been blessed with people in my life whom I miss.

I am grateful that this experience has made me more compassionate towards others who are suffering.

I am grateful for the chance to adapt and transform through change.

I am grateful for what I have learned through this experience.

I am grateful that my eyes opened this morning and that I have the opportunity to be grateful today.

And I am grateful that I can choose to take those lemons and …

A Trip to Remember

Posted on December 1, 2014March 16, 2019 by stilllearning2b

The original forecast wasn’t that bad – one night that would dip into the 20s and daytime highs in the 40s with clear skies and no chance of precipitation. Perfect camping and hiking weather.

But as we know, what we expect isn’t always what life delivers.

In this case, I think the computer that calculated the weather models had been hacked to try to cover up the fact that a mini polar vortex would be descending upon the North Georgia Mountains over Thanksgiving.

Hyperbole?

Possibly. Further study is needed.

Serene. No sign of what's to come. — Serene. No sign of what’s to come.

Our usual pattern with camping is to wake up around sunrise, build a fire to make the all important coffee and then hit the hiking trails around 9 am. We had a feeling Thursday wasn’t going to be usual when we woke up to the sounds of blustery winds and the sharp shrapnel of sleet pelting the skin of the tent. That, plus the fact that the bottle of water inside the text was frozen, were our first signs that the forecast was not going to be our reality.

It's a wonder the roof didn't collapse:) — It’s a wonder the roof didn’t collapse:)

After we unzipped the tent, Tiger ran off into the frozen tundra to do his business and then returned to the shelter of the portico, where even a nest made of blankets could not keep him from shivering. Brock started the fire while I worked to prep breakfast. Our eggs and potatoes were runny that morning, as the sleet added significantly to the water content during cooking. We inhaled them before they could freeze.

His highness's "seat" when the ground is cold. — His highness’s “seat” when the ground is cold.

Still unaware that the computer weather models were farcical, we consulted our apps and learned that the ominous clouds, gusting winds and frozen precipitation would exit stage left around 11. We decided to hole up in the tent until then before embarking on the shorter of our two planned hikes once the weather cleared. We burrowed back in our sleeping bags, tucked Tiger into his nest and turned on the electric heater while we read and played cards to pass the time.

As predicted, the skies cleared and the sleet assault abated. We donned our gear and set off on a four-mile hike through the Chattahoochee National Forest and around the base of Blood Mountain.

This is what it's all about:) — This is what it’s all about:)

I felt like I was in an arena designed for The Hunger Games; as soon as we set foot on the trail, the clouds moved back in and the sleet began again in earnest. Still, it felt wonderful to be outside in the fresh air and to stretch our limbs cramped from our hideout in the tent. Even Tiger stopped shaking as he ran a few paces ahead of us, nose to the ground in search of Sasquatch.

By the time we had climbed up and around and back down, the weather had shifted again. The wind took on a nasty bite and even though it was not even 2 pm, the sky was quickly growing dim. We consulted the weather wizards again – the predicted high of 34 now looked like a Bahama summer. We would soon be looking at 20s. Low 20s.

If it was just us, we would simply add more layers to the outfits (we already looked like the kid from A Christmas Story) and more logs to the fire. But it wasn’t just us and our big-in-surface-area and sparse-in-body-hair pit bull was cold despite his jacket and his sheltered nest. Very cold. And there’s nothing more pitiful than a miserable and shaking 100 pound pit bull.

I thought about trying to build a snowman.

So we made the decision to make dinner early before seeking shelter yet again in the tent. I think the food in the cooler was warmer than the food outside. I’m not sure what the freeze point of an avocado is, but we found it. Once all of our bellies were full of warmish food, we retreated to the big house. Where, apart from a few frantic bladder runs, we spent the next 16 hours.

I just bought this tent (Big Agnes Big House 6) to replace an old one. It was great - highly recommended! — I just bought this tent (Big Agnes Big House 6) to replace an old one. It was great – highly recommended!

It could have been a horrible trip. We saw more of the inside of the tent than we did of the woods. We were cold and shivering much of the time, as the temperature inside the tent fell into the 30s. We were sore, our muscles cramping from holding awkward positions for hours on end. And our dog kept giving us evil looks like a sullen teenager.

But despite all of that, we had a great time. There were no grumbles. No complaints. It was an adventure to be enjoyed and time to be shared.

The only camping trip where we gained ice!

But most of all, it makes it wonderful to come home and makes us so grateful for the little things in life –

The coffee that stays warm for more than 60 seconds.

The toilet seats than don’t feel like they’re performing cryotherapy butt removal.

The toothpaste that isn’t frozen into an unusable brick and requires hot stone massage to even budge.

The bedroom that doesn’t make you dream of the North Pole or deep space with its frigid temperatures.

And the clothes, that once washed of their smoke and soot, can be worn again in single layers like a weight loss before and after advertisement.

Even Tiger looked as though he no longer took his favored sleeping spot for granted as he melted into the pillows with a contented grunt.

When we come home, we are always thankful for what we have.

When we drove home from the mountains yesterday, we passed miles of traffic queued the other direction for a large outlet mall. I just had to shake my head at the thousands of people lining up to buy more.

Because when it comes down to it, happiness is not about having what you want, it’s about wanting what you have.

And sometimes the best gift doesn’t come from the store. It comes in the form of a reminder to be thankful for what you already have around you.

But What About the Turkey?!?!

Posted on November 27, 2014November 23, 2014 by stilllearning2b

“But what about the turkey?” are always the first words out of my students’ mouths when they hear I’m going camping for Thanksgiving.

I laugh and explain to them that as a vegetarian, a turkey dinner isn’t exactly a critical concern of mine and that my husband can easily forgo meat for a few days.

Their brains stutter, trying to come to terms with this new and foreign reality. “So what do you eat?”

“I prepare a veggie chili and cornbread ahead of time so all we have to do at the campsite is heat it over the fire.”

“Oh. That actually sounds really good. I’ve always wanted to go camping but my parents don’t want to.”

It’s so interesting to me how strongly our preconceived notions are about how something is supposed to be are anchored in our minds. I’m working through some of my own biases this week as I read The New “I Do”, which offers several alternatives to the traditional marriage. Much like my students, I am having to rethink my assumptions and be willing to consider alternate viewpoints.

Whether your Thanksgiving consists of turkey or microwave popcorn, tons of family or the company of a good book, being snuggled inside as the snow drifts build or braving the air to escape the house, I wish you a day of peace and gratitude.

Because it’s not really about the turkey. It’s about taking a moment to be present and thankful.

No matter where you are.

‘Tis the Season

Posted on November 19, 2014March 6, 2024 by stilllearning2b

‘Tis the season.

The stretch of the year anticipated by some and dreaded by others.

It’s the time when family gathers and the lack of family pierces.

We bond over memories and rituals and some mourn the loss of traditions.

We see the wonder of the season through the eyes of our children and some feel the pain of being apart from their offspring.

Holidays are especially tough in the first couple years after divorce as you’re struggling to find your footing while tripping over Hallmark commercials and the message of perpetual cheer.

If you’re facing the holidays after divorce or a breakup, here are my very doable suggestions on how to cope.

And remember, family are the people that have your back even if they don’t have your blood.

Notes From a Week Away

Posted on November 30, 2013 by stilllearning2b

It feels strange sitting here in front of my computer again. It’s been a solid week since I have sat here, my fingers on the keyboard. It’s good to take breaks sometimes – a needed pause to restore and a break in the routine.

But it also feels good to be back. After all, I like my routine:)

Between the cold that hijacked my body midweek and the cobwebs of vacation brain, I’m filled with snippets of the past week. They are not yet ripened into stand alone blog posts (although I’m sure some of them will after proper fermentation), so for now they are simply notes from a week away.

Endings

My last post was about the health and future of Ms Kitty. We found out last Sunday that she is indeed in early stage kidney failure. We are currently working on trying to get her to eat a special lower protein diet that will help to extend her life. It hard – she doesn’t want to eat and I see her getting sicker every day. She may have weeks or months, but the clock is winding down. Meanwhile, we try to enjoy every moment we can have with her.

That Reminds Me

Trying to tempt the cat to eat reminds me of the year I lived with my friend and her new baby. The little one was premature and had digestive problems. Our days that summer were spent trying to drip formula into her mouth one mL at a time. That sick baby is now a robust 4 1/2 year old. I spent last Saturday with them and the not-so-little one kept the laughter flowing and helped distract me from kitty.

I can SO embarrass her with this one when she starts dating!

Speaking of Distraction

I jumped on a plane Sunday morning to meet up with a childhood friend in New Orleans after 15 years without contact. I don’t think I’ve ever hugged anybody so hard:) We picked up right where we left off. We stayed at the Melrose Mansion, a renovated old house just east of the quarter. My friend even managed to score us a free room upgrade with a bathtub as large as my entire bathroom at home!

We were pretty tame as far as New Orleans is concerned (i.e. we only saw Bourbon St. at 8 in the morning!). Some of that was due to the weather (cold and raining) and some due to the fact that we’re old and lame:) Apart from long conversations and giggles in bed (I told you we picked up where we left off!), we also visited a cool choose-your-own-adventure wine bar and an adult arcade where we could feel like kids again!

Wine Institute of New Orleans - Where the coursework requires a wine glass:) — Wine Institute of New Orleans – Where the coursework requires a wine glass:)

I went for the the pinball games, which were always my best, while my friend went for Ms. Pacman and Frogger. Just like the old days! — I went for the pinball games, which were always my best, while my friend went for Ms. Pacman and Frogger. Just like the old days!

Rain, Rain Go Away

The weather in New Orleans was a bit of a bummer (the heated swimming pool had to go untested), but it really through a wrench in the plans once I returned home. Brock and I were supposed to leave Wednesday morning for a three night camping trip at Cheaha State Park in northeastern Alabama. Except the forecast called for snow, ice and wind, oh my. And no thanks. Basically, it was guaranteed to be a miserable trip with a decent chance of it becoming a live action version of some of our favorite survival shows. We reluctantly decided to axe the idea of camping and substitute two day hikes instead. Our first outing was Red Top Mountain State Park on Thanksgiving. The fresh air and warm sun felt so good.

Tiger protecting us from the infamous Red Top Monster. I'm happy to report that we all escaped unscathed. — Tiger protecting us from the infamous Red Top Monster. I’m happy to report that we all escaped unscathed.

Yesterday, we decided to go to Cheaha for the day. Brock used to rock climb here and he enjoyed showing me the cliffs he used to climb. Usually, we plan our hikes carefully. This time, we approached it like an adventure. The destination was unimportant (in fact, it was nonexistent). It was all about the journey.

A Black Friday that reminds you that what really matters cannot be bought or sold:)

I’ve never been to that part of the state and I was struck by how much the soil and vegetation reminded me of Texas – just MUCH more mountainous! We only hiked 6 miles or so but I think our elevation change was at least that much.

Uphill Climbs

We weren’t the only ones facing uphill climbs this week. We visited with two friends who are both in the early stages of starting over after divorce. One is living with her mom with her three kids. The other is in a rented space whose empty rooms speak to the life left behind. It was a stark reminder of where I was just a few short years ago. Of how thankful I was for the small guest bedroom that was my home for a year. At how empowering it was to rent my own space for the first time. At the possibilities presented when you start over.

The last step of every journey is the first step of a new adventure.

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Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving whatever your adventures:)

Maintain a Smile File

Apply Gratitude to Wounds Immediately

Choose Your Words Carefully

Craft a Gratitude List

Take a Media Fast

Celebrate the Small Victories

Pass It Along

Still struggling to cultivate gratitude?

Here are some ideas to get you started:

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