Finding Yourself When You’ve Lost Your Compass

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I went on a hike the other day with an amazing group of people. One of the women was not an outdoor person and so before she headed off, her loved ones gave her some tips, including, “Make sure you have a compass.”

I found her rotating her compass until she located true north and then she looked up at me and said, “Now that I have north, what do I do with it?”

I explained that without a map or general mental picture of the area, a compass can basically only ensure that you’re not traveling in circles, chasing your tail while in pursuit of an exit.

Conversely, a map without a compass is also of limited use. A goal without orientation or direction provides little more than hope.

But when combined, a map and a compass become a powerful tool. A wise and prudent guide in your hand taking you from where you are to where you want to be.

Any major life transition is not unlike being lost in the woods. The terrain is unfamiliar, the steps feel endless and panic can easily set in as you frantically seek an exit.

Start With Your Goal

Hopefully you have at least the rough outlines of a map – a picture of where you’ve been and where you want to go. Take the time to firm up this image. What words do you associate with the life you want to have? What does this life look like? Feel like? Make it as specific and tangible as possible.

Find Your True North

Reconnect with your core values and purpose. Think about those beliefs and passions that have persisted in you since childhood. If you’re struggling to identify these in yourself, ask your loved ones what words come to mind when they think about you. Look for similarities and trends in their answers. Let this be your guide.

Identify Your Obstacles

You know where you want to go and you know where you’re starting. Determine and name the possible barriers in the way of your destination. Although it’s tempting to begin your journey and just hope for the best, it’s prudent to be both mentally and physically prepared for the difficult stretches.

Hold Your Course

Once you have chosen your path, deviate from it as needed with your compass in hand. If you veer too far, you may find that you have lost your focus on what is important. If you refuse to be flexible in your approach, you may find that you become stuck.

Be Realistic In Your Goals

Much like the scale on a map, the scope of life’s journeys can be deceptive. Always allow plenty of time to get from one landmark to another and be forgiving with yourself about needing periods of rest. And remember that suggested times needed for the trail are just that – suggestions. Your use may vary.

Don’t Be Afraid to Explore

When you have you goals mapped out and you’re using your compass as a guide, it’s hard to get too lost. So take some time to explore what lies off the beaten path. Yes, it may be a dead end. But it also may be just what you’ve been looking for.

 

Chutes and Ladders

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Do you remember the game Chutes and Ladders?

The slow, steady climb to the top of the board?

The delighted squeal that would escape your lips when luck granted you a ladder, bypassing multiple rows in a single move?

The utter helplessness and defeat when that same luck turned and landed you on a chute, plummeting you back to the beginning?

After the divorce, I felt like I was trapped in some twisted version of the game, the final square holding the peace and healing I so desperately desired. For long periods of time, I would trudge slowly through the levels. Not making great progress, but progress nonetheless. Sometimes, I would be blessed with a ladder, a sudden jolt of insight or a pleasing outcome that would elevate my healing to new levels.

And then there were the chutes. The triggers. The memories.

Inevitably, they seemed to appear just when I was feeling confident. Comfortable. As though they fed on optimism.

I would find myself disoriented within their slippery embraces. Only to realize that I was back to the beginning once I regained my senses. Peace once again a far off dream.

 

Chutes and Ladders is based on an ancient Indian game that was designed to teach Hindu children about karma. The final square symbolized nirvana, the ladders represented virtues and the snakes, the original version of the chutes, were vices. There were fewer ladders than snakes, showing that it is often more difficult to climb than it is to fall. At the end of the game, salvation was granted to the one who made it to the final square while the rest of the players faced rebirth at a lower rung.

 

Although intended to teach about choice and consequence, the game itself is based entirely upon chance. Fate.

Which makes it easy. But also frustrating.

Because in life, we always have choice.

In life, we can learn from our mistakes.

In life, we can accept where we are in the moment yet always strive to do better.

In life, we can slow the slide and even climb out of the chute.

In life, we can roll the dice but we can also build the ladder.

In life, we become better at climbing the more we do it.

In life, success comes not from watching others fall, but in helping to lift them up.

In life, nirvana is not only the end goal, but is a presence to be found along the journey.

In life, we cannot control every play of the game but we can learn to steer its outcome.

 

It’s so easy to feel helpless and powerless after divorce, subject to the whims of the dice that may send us back to square one on any given day.

It’s so easy to feel defeated. Tired of the climb when every ladder towards healing seems to be paired with a chute greased with pain.

It’s so easy to fixate on your small patch of real estate on the game board, that you fail to see the bigger picture.

The fact that you are making progress. Maybe not steady. And certainly not linear. But progress.

Peace is possible.

Keep climbing.

Look Back

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Look Back