If There Has to Be An Ending, Why Not Make It a Good One?

My school of the last five years is involved in a meiosis of sorts, splitting and dividing into two halves, each pulling some of its identity from the whole. Good schools become families, adults coming together with the shared goal of nurturing and launching children. The restructuring of a school is the break up of a family, with all of the associated heartache and opportunity. And it’s often a break up that nobody wants.

Last night, we celebrated the final day of the existence of the staff as a single entity before the last strands are cut today as we move into our new schools and our new roles.

And it was a wonderful celebration. Equal parts belly laughs and tears. Differences set aside in lieu of gratitude for shared experiences and the unique gifts that each person shared during their tenure.

Yes, it was sad. We traded stories about some of our most challenging – and rewarding – students, realizing as we shared that we may never again be in the company of others who participated in that same memory. We grew a little apprehensive, wondering how in the world we would ever build this kind of connection and camaraderie in our new schools. The task feels daunting, especially when compared to the already-built relationships. We poked fun at each other’s warts without causing distress because we all know it comes from a place of love and acceptence. And we wondered if our new family would be accepting as well.

It was sad. It is sad.

But it’s not only sad.

Last night was a rememberence and celebration of all that had been and the early excitement of what is to come. A perfect blend of memory and anticipation. An acknowledge of the end tempered with gratitude that it existed.

As I listened to two talented teachers lead a inside-joke filled presentation, I thought how wonderful it would be if we could always approach life’s endings in this way.

With equal parts belly laughs and tears.

If there has to be an ending, why not make it a good one?

 

 

Digital Dumps

So, I guess ending a relationship via text is now an acceptable thing. At least that’s what this article from Psychology Today seems to suggest. The piece calls ending it via text “tacky,” yet seems to feel that is a justifiable way for the man (is this always done by men?) to initiate a break-up.

I just can’t agree. Now, granted, I’m not an objective observer of this particular phenomenon. After all, my ex ended a 16 year relationship with a text without any follow-up at all. It left me angry. Helpless. Filled with questions and impotence. My innocuous phone dispensed with my marriage with nothing more than a chime sounded in warning.

And, from the recipient’s standpoint, I cannot endorse this approach. A text is for information. Flirting. Maybe a slight disagreement.

But to end a relationship of any significance?

No.

Would you quit a career via text? Propose via text? Announce a poor medical diagnosis unexpectedly via text?

Probably not.

So, ending a marriage or engagement?

A side note here. I was on the Frank Love radio show last year and he agreed with my ex’s approach. I could tell I was healed when I found it funny rather than offensive:)

There are some things, no matter how uncomfortable, that simply deserve actually confronting the truth and the person it may hurt, no matter how difficult.

I did like the part in the article about deception and the difficulty the deceiver has facing the collateral damage of his or her choices. It seems some people would rather run away than face the consequences.

Unfortunately, that always leaves someone else to clean up after his or her mess.

Sorry for the rant, this just fires me up. Maybe I should create a public service announcement:)

 

 

Celebration

Today marks four years since I received the text message that ended my marriage. I’m celebrating – not the end of the marriage but the life and love that I have found since. I used to mark July as a disaster, now I can see it as a beginning.

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Grow