Divorce is difficult no matter when it occurs. Yet somehow the cold, dark days of winter seem to amplify its effects. A perfect storm forming when the outer world reflects your inner one and when hibernation tends towards isolation.
If you’re having trouble navigating your divorce while dealing with the seasonal blues, check out these survival tips to get you through until winter.
I’m in a funk.
A stressed-out, down-in-the-dumps funk.
I have a precious few days left before the intensity and insanity of the school year returns.
And I feel like I’m wasting them.
I feel pressured to make the most of this time while also also allowing anxiety to build from the other direction as I start to think about what needs to happen for this school year (the local paper constantly reporting on the changes to testing/teacher evaluation doesn’t help!).
It’s not unlike the mad dash of an Alaskan summer to get everything done before the harsh winter sets in.
But I’m letting the upcoming winter cool my summer.
I’m allowing August to seep into my July.
It’s like a steroided-out version of the Sunday night blues – when you mourn the loss of the freedoms of the weekend while berating yourself for not accomplishing every goal and allow thoughts of Monday’s tasks to intrude.
Ugh.
It doesn’t help that the intense humidity and near-constant storms have kept me from my usual cure for anxiety and too much thinking – a long run. I managed to get in four (very sweaty) miles yesterday, but that wasn’t quite enough. I still feel the pent-up energy building in anticipation along with the frustration that my days will no longer be mine to schedule.
I’m giving myself a series of goals and intentions for the last few days and I’m sharing them so that I am held accountable:
– Embrace rest. Time resting is not wasted. Give yourself permission to just read or nap or chill by the pool. It’s okay.
– Don’t waste time thinking about the changes and new pressures coming at school. You’ll have plenty of time to think about them when you’re there. And, really, they matter less than you think.
– Do something special each day you have left (favorite lunch buffet. hike, yoga class, paddleboard rental, etc.). Mark each day with a smile.
– Don’t add to your pressure. If you want to write, write. But don’t force it. The blogs will be there.
– Rather than focus on what didn’t get accomplished this summer, be happy about what did get done and, even more importantly, what did get enjoyed.
– Prioritize sleep.
– When thoughts of school come up, shift them to thinking about how good it will be to see your teacher friends again.
– Run in the rain and try not to get struck by lightening:)
“My ears are in ecstasy,” whispered Brock as he turned towards me.
He sure wasn’t talking about the dulcet tones of my exceptional singing voice. It may work to help my 8th graders remember the quadratic formula, but it sure wouldn’t lead to any claims of ecstasy.
The sounds that elicited this response were instead coming from the guitar of the young blues master, Jonny Lang.
We were fortunate to be able to secure tickets to see Jonny Lang and Buddy Guy perform at a nearby venue. We were treated to 3 1/2 hours of incredible blues.
The blues were born from suffering, their name taken from the indigo dye used to color mourning garments in Africa. Their simplistic backbone, consisting of a basic chord progression and a liberal use of repetition, allows the emotion behind the music to take center stage. Gifted musicians speak not only of playing the blues, but of feeling the blues. Without the feeling, the music falls flat.
The uniting structure makes the blues predictable yet the freedom to improvise makes the next not impossible to forecast. It is familiar yet volatile.
The simplicity extends to the stage. From the grittiest dive bar to the fanciest hoity-toity venue, most performers dress plainly and shun any fancy stage decorations. Jonny Lang and Buddy Guy were no exception – their entire set-up could fit in a small U-Haul, with the guitars taking up most of the room.
The blues don’t whisper. They don’t speak in nuance and hide behind closed doors. The deep, melancholy tones are played loud, with no shame. There is a repeated pattern of building tension and then release. It is as visceral and cathartic as good cry.
The players stand alone on the stage. They are together yet each is in his own world, bound by the edges of the spotlight. As they engage in call and response, they each speak through the music of their suffering and their own loss, creating a common bond.
The blues don’t rush; there is no hurry to complete one song to move on to another. A tune is played until all of the emotion has been wrung out. As Buddy said, “Don’t be afraid of getting a little funky”.
Blues musicians know that tears and laughter are not mutually exclusive. Many are not afraid of injecting humor into their doleful tunes, the resulting laughter purifying the soul.
The blues started out as way of dealing with suffering, the tunes shared only with friends and family. It evolved into a performance art, the pain transformed into something that could bring happiness to others through a common language of sadness and loss. By embracing the blues, they have created beauty from the sorrow. How can you do the same?
Lessons From the End of a Marriage 