Guest Posters Wanted

I’m stealing this idea from Matt over at Must Be This Tall to Ride. He has lots of good ideas. And this is one of them.

I’m going to be away from my computer for a week or so next month. Instead of trying to write posts ahead of time while writing them for now (yikes!) or recycling my old stuff (yawn…) or letting the site go dark for several days (scary!!!!), I’m looking for guest posts to feature.

Lots of you are writing some great stuff about topics that relate to my site and from a different perspective than I have (like those of you with kids – tip of the hat to those who tackle parenting).

Please, please, please write something for me!?!

shrek_cat-wallpaper

Here are the specifics:

-Posts can be any length, but I would prefer that the content be original (not already published on your blog).

-The topic is up to you; however, I won’t publish something that is simply ex-bashing with no greater purpose (although I commiserate!)

-Please proofread before you send; I’m the world’s worst at picking up (and making!) typos.

-Include any pictures that you want with your post, a short bio and links to your site and any other social media you use.

-For those of you that blog anonymously, that’s no problem. Just craft your bio how you want:)

-email your submission to lessonsfromendofmarriage@gmail.com by July 2 (procrastinators – that’s a hard deadline!!).

-If I like it and think it’s a good fit, I’ll set it to publish on my site with links on all of my social media and I’ll let you know the date that it will go live.

Thanks in advance and I look forward to seeing some great work!

Lisa

Infrastructure

Back in the mid to late 90s, I went through a period where I was obsessed with the SIMS games. I was enamored of being able to build and create and then sit back and watch my creation live. Basically, it was like introducing Dr. Frankenstein to my childhood legos.

My first few attempts at computer-based world domination weren’t too successful. You see, I would get too excited about building the cool stuff – the big houses, the parks, the casinos and I would neglect to pay the same sort of attention to the boring infrastructure – the roads, utilities, the water treatment plants. The cities would look amazing and would run beautifully for a time.

But then the lack of underlying support would inevitably catch up and everything would start to fall apart.

So I would jump into action, scrambling to build roads to ease the traffic and make enough water and power available to my citizens. Yet, no matter how quickly I worked, those panicked attempts always failed. It was like trying to frame a house after the roof had already been put on.

So I changed my approach. At the start of a new game, I began to focus first on the underlying needs. I built roads that seemingly went nowhere. I carefully planned the conduits for water and power. I prioritized hospital and fire station locations.

Those cities had a slower start-up than my earlier attempts; in fact, they were somewhat boring at the beginning. But soon, as I started to layer the more elaborate elements atop the carefully laid scaffolding, they would bloom into amazing worlds. And, unlike the first attempts, these worlds would last.

 

As I watch relationships form, collapse and build around me, I often think back to those SIMS days. You can start a relationship without the infrastructure of emotional stability and well-being in place, but like my early cities, collapse is inevitable. Take the time to build yourself before you layer on a relationship. It may not be as exciting, but the after-effects are worth it.

8 Things I Wish I Had Known During Divorce

wish I had known

Experience is quite a teacher, isn’t she? No matter how many books we read or how many pieces of advice we receive, there are certain matters you only truly understand after you have lived through them.

And, for roughly half of us, that life experience includes divorce.

The following are the lessons from divorce that I wish I had known before living it:

1) There is nothing that the courts can do to make it okay.

During the legal proceedings, I was obsessed with finding justice. I wanted consequences for his actions and validation of my innocence. I spent countless hours and even more countless dollars assembling a case. It worked. On paper, at least. But the reality was disappointing. The ordered payments never came and the impact of the words on the decree lessened every day. Family courts are just not set up to punish individual misdeeds; they punish the entire class. Justice doesn’t come from the gavel. It comes from proceeding with integrity and living the best life you can. It’s not up to courts to make it okay. It’s up to you.

Read the other 7 lessons I wish I had known during divorce. 

Making Your Second Marriage Better

See me along with Ron Deal and Maureen McGrath on Huff Post Live talking about how to make your second marriage better! 

My Story – Part 2

Please watch Part 1 first:)

Thanks for the positive feedback on the first video. I thought it might give a more “human” feel to the story and I’m glad to see that that seems to be the case.

I want to address a couple points. First, I don’t consider myself brave. I just think there is a need for a public dialog about divorce and deception. This kind of situation is so much more common that we know (for both men and women) but many don’t talk about it because they feel ashamed or foolish. The only shame is in remaining silent and allowing this continue and for people to feel alone and unsupported.

I know there are those that wonder why I still write and talk about this now that I am happily remarried and have moved on. I talk about it because there are still those going through it. I talk about because I want to show the depths I came from and give hope to those still there. I talk about it to show that it’s okay to still feel sad sometimes and that our pasts are a part of us.

Those of that read me regularly know that I don’t spend much time talking about those first few awful weeks. That’s because it makes me hurt for the Lisa of five years ago. I wish I could tell her that it would be okay great and that she would have love and life again.

Without further ado, here’s part two:

 

And now on to Part 3!