Divorce Envy

Posted on by stilllearning2b
Ash Envy Single CD2
Ash Envy Single CD2 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am generally not a jealous person. I don’t mind people that are better looking, make more money, or drive a better car (which is good, since my 13 year old car is pockmarked from hail and covered with pollen!). The one area where I feel the insidious presence of the green-eyed monster is divorce. That’s right; I suffer from divorce envy.

When I hear friends talk about going to lunch with their ex-spouse, I wonder why I have to be in the situation where my lover became an instant stranger.  I encounter discussions about amicable divorces that sound about as stressful as packing away the winter wardrobe and bringing out the summer clothes.  I get frustrated when people make statements about how women always do better in a divorce, after taking all their husband’s money.  And I know some who have.

I have come to terms with being divorced.  I have come a long way with dealing with the pain inflicted upon me.  But some times, I wish I could have had it differently.  A divorce that didn’t have to be devastating.  A husband that didn’t disappear.  Rather, two lives that simply went in different directions.  Of course, if it had not been for the difficult divorce, I would not be on the path I am now.  The hardship is exactly what forced me to re-evaluate, re-balance, and re-learn.  I am thankful for that.

When I saw Christie Brinkley’s interview the other day (and her ex’s response), I immediately identified with her.  So many people including Matt Lauer, it seems), do not understand what it is like to divorce someone who is entirely devoid of empathy and will not hesitate to lie to serve their own end.  She has had a difficult divorce too, and I am sure that it has sent her on a new journey.  I hope that she has been able to find strength and purpose in her new life.  And, I hope for both of us that we are able to be grateful for the blessings in our own situations and not dwell too much on divorce envy.

Taming the Monkey Mind: Halfway Point

Posted on by stilllearning2b
Halfway Line Halfway Line on football pitch on...
Halfway Line Halfway Line on football pitch on Tokyngton recreation ground (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Usually when I run, the hardest part for me is getting to the halfway point.  After that, my Nike iFit begins to count backwards (ex. 5 miles to go) and my brain begins to relax.  For the first half, I feel like I’m choosing to run away from something (the start line, the car, the house).  Once I hit the midway marker, I begin to run towards something.

The 28 day meditation challenge has occupied a similar spot in my brain.  At first, I was mainly concerned with ticking off the days, ensuring that I didn’t miss any.  Now, that part seems easy.  I can let go of the training log and focus more on the destination.  It’s interesting, the aspect that was the most difficult for me at first (practicing daily), has become simple.  In fact, I think my key to incorporating meditation into my life long term is not to commit to doing it a few times a week, but to vow to practice daily.  It is not like running, where the body needs a rest, and those days off are where my practice tends t slip into oblivion.  I think the key for me will be to incorporate meditation daily in some form for some amount of time.

As far as the practice itself, that monkey mind isn’t much quieter, but it doesn’t bother me as much anymore.  I am able to calmly quiet it again. And again.  And again.  What I have found; however, is a change in my monkey mind in the other moments of my life.  I seem to be able to stay more calm and centered.  A good skill for a middle school teacher to have in the days leading up to spring break!

Monkey 343
Monkey 343 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

The article below reminds us that happiness is found in the present, not through future plans or past ruminations.  Stay now.

Let Go, Forgive, and Be Grateful Right Now.

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A Whitewater Life

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Six ways whitewater rafting is like life:

1) The obstacles create the ride.

2) Rapids are usually followed by periods of calm waters, and vice versa.  Just expect it.

3) Teamwork is essential to negotiate the tricky parts.

4) The best time comes from a balance of prudence and fun.  (Yup, that’s me with my pink helmet o’ prudence!)

5) Stay present in the moment, or you may miss something important.

6) It’s about the journey, not the destination.  Especially in rafting, when sometimes the destination is a wet, stinky van back to your car:(

Taming the Monkey Mind: Day 13

Posted on by stilllearning2b

Funny sleeping monkey

Today was a day I was very thankful to have meditation in my toolkit.  I had to go to mediation today to clear up one of my ex’s messes.  Now, to help you understand how stressed this makes me, I’ll tell you a couple embarrassing facts about myself.  First, I suffer from anxiety when I owe an overdue fine to the library.  No, I’m not exaggerating.  I wish I was.  I’ll be stressed and fixated until I can settle my $.20 fine and return the materials.  Another example?  I recently purchased a prepaid toll sticker for a local highway.  Every time I drive through, I am nervous until I see the green light flash, even though I know there are sufficient funds in the account.  I’m not sure where this pathological anxiety about money comes from, but it is there.  You pair that with my ex-husband’s secret out of control spending and hidden accounts, and you have a disaster waiting to happen.

I started today with a hard 11 mile run (my personal Xanax).  I ended up with my fastest pace ever for distance (7:01 average pace).  I figured I would tire that monkey out before trying to subdue it.  The meditation following the run went well.  I have discovered the Deep Energy podcasts and found that the music works really well for me for meditation.  I think it is going to be my go-to from now on.

I worked to maintain my mindful and calm state as I drove to the office where the mediation was to occur.  NPR was apparently aware of my intent, as they played Beethoven’s 5th Symphony for me as I sped down the highway (at least, I assume they had me in mind when they made the selection). It followed, almost to a turn, the path to a great little restaurant I went to over the summer to enjoy my first-ever gluten free pancakes that I did not have to make (oh, they were heavenly!).  I even took the same wrong turn today.  I began to actually enjoy the ride as I remembered that summer day.  I then drove through a neighborhood where I ran a Chili Festival 5K with a friend of mine a couple of years ago.  More smiles and good memories.

I entered the mediation relatively calm, the monkeys only chattering slightly in the background.  The entire process went well and went quickly.  More proof that most of my fears are due to anticipation rather than reality.

NPR cooperated again, playing light and lively Mozart on my way home.

I am glad that I have been training the monkeys; they did me proud today.  Now, I think I’ll visit the library’s website and renew my materials.  Just in case, you understand.

 

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5 Tips to Bust Through Your Fears

Posted on by stilllearning2b

This is timely for me today.  I have to go to court this afternoon to deal with some of the mess my ex left behind (see Clean Up, Aisle 5).  I’m scared.  I don’t know why.  This is a known and limited threat, yet I am anxious.  I am going to begin my day with my own tip to bust through fear: a long run.  Somehow the combination of repetitive movement, fresh air, and an exhausted body help to calm my mind.  I plan to follow that with some meditation before going to the courthouse.  Oh, and I guess I’ll take a shower too:)

Try these tips when you feel fear whispering in your ear and trying to control your thoughts,

5 Tips to Bust Through Your Fears.