Today was a day I was very thankful to have meditation in my toolkit. I had to go to mediation today to clear up one of my ex’s messes. Now, to help you understand how stressed this makes me, I’ll tell you a couple embarrassing facts about myself. First, I suffer from anxiety when I owe an overdue fine to the library. No, I’m not exaggerating. I wish I was. I’ll be stressed and fixated until I can settle my $.20 fine and return the materials. Another example? I recently purchased a prepaid toll sticker for a local highway. Every time I drive through, I am nervous until I see the green light flash, even though I know there are sufficient funds in the account. I’m not sure where this pathological anxiety about money comes from, but it is there. You pair that with my ex-husband’s secret out of control spending and hidden accounts, and you have a disaster waiting to happen.
I started today with a hard 11 mile run (my personal Xanax). I ended up with my fastest pace ever for distance (7:01 average pace). I figured I would tire that monkey out before trying to subdue it. The meditation following the run went well. I have discovered the Deep Energy podcasts and found that the music works really well for me for meditation. I think it is going to be my go-to from now on.
I worked to maintain my mindful and calm state as I drove to the office where the mediation was to occur. NPR was apparently aware of my intent, as they played Beethoven’s 5th Symphony for me as I sped down the highway (at least, I assume they had me in mind when they made the selection). It followed, almost to a turn, the path to a great little restaurant I went to over the summer to enjoy my first-ever gluten free pancakes that I did not have to make (oh, they were heavenly!). I even took the same wrong turn today. I began to actually enjoy the ride as I remembered that summer day. I then drove through a neighborhood where I ran a Chili Festival 5K with a friend of mine a couple of years ago. More smiles and good memories.
I entered the mediation relatively calm, the monkeys only chattering slightly in the background. The entire process went well and went quickly. More proof that most of my fears are due to anticipation rather than reality.
NPR cooperated again, playing light and lively Mozart on my way home.
I am glad that I have been training the monkeys; they did me proud today. Now, I think I’ll visit the library’s website and renew my materials. Just in case, you understand.
- Taming the Monkey Mind: a 28 Day Meditation Challenge (lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com)