Sometimes Life Sucks…
The Perfect Storm of Insecurity
Last night found me obsessively visiting online clothing retailers. I would set the appropriate filters, scan the merchandise and place several items in my virtual cart. Then, without making any moves to complete the purchase, I would do the same on another site.
By the end of the evening, I had bought nothing. Because I wasn’t really looking for clothes, I was looking for confidence.
I’m not surprised I’m feeling insecure right now. In fact, I’m pretty much sitting at the collision point that brews a perfect storm.
The new school year begins next week. Last year was an enormous undertaking as I built a new program for a new school. The work was hard, but because there were no expectations (from myself or my students/parents/administration), I had a “Well, let’s try this and see what happens” approach. And it was successful by all accounts.
So this year, I have expectations to meet (or exceed) both from within and from without. (Why oh why did I not set a low baseline last year???) And right now, after being disconnected from school for several weeks (which was the recharge I needed!), I’m feeling unsure about my ability to meet those demands.
From the other side, I have the recent release of my new book. Even though this book is like my second child in some ways, it is still scary releasing such a big part of yourself into the universe (and onto the internet). The book has been a singular focus for the past few months and now I have released control.
And that lack of jurisdiction has made me uncertain.
My body is reacting to both the letdown of finishing the book and the ramping up for school. Sleep has been elusive and an infection is trying to find refuge deep inside my sinuses. My body reflecting my mental space.
Ugh. I hate this feeling. I’m tempted to throw myself into preparing for the school year in order to distract my brain from the reception of the book and to release some of the anxiety about the new school year.
But hiding in busyness and work is my default setting. And I’m a pro at what I call precrastination – getting it all done under pressure, but at the beginning, not the end.
And I don’t want to go there on these last few days of summer.
I know this feeling of insecurity is both fleeting and cyclical. No different than the storm clouds that darken the skies before floating away.
Today, I am going to practice finding peace in the storm, resting and trusting that all will be okay.
Life At the Intersection of Yesterday and Tomorrow
My new book is now available on Amazon!
I’m really excited about this one! As my mom recently said, “I feel like all of the writing you’ve been doing the past several years was for this purpose.” And I have to agree.
Here is the introduction:
Life is meant to be lived in the present. But there are those times when it feels as though the present is a holding cell between the memories of yesterday and the dreams and fears of tomorrow. Those days or weeks or months when one wave hits after another and you feel as though you’re being beaten down by life itself. And you can’t imagine how you’re ever going to get back up again.
I occupied this state of limbo for several months after a tsunami divorce robbed me of life as I knew it in the summer of 2009. It began with a surprise text, from my partner of sixteen years, stating that he was leaving the marriage and leaving the state. That was followed by the discovery of fraud, marital embezzlement and bigamy.
That confusing and grueling period is one I hope to never repeat. Yet at the same time, I am now immensely grateful for its lessons. That experience has made me more compassionate towards myself and others and more understanding about why we respond to stress the way we do. It’s made me more grateful for what I have and less critical of what I don’t. And most importantly, it’s motivated me to help others move through their own challenges.
The difficult times in life both reveal who we are and shape us into what we can become. In the struggle, there is opportunity. In the challenge, there is growth.
Even though this book shares essays about my own personal experience, it isn’t about me. In fact, as I learned when facing my own trials, the details of our situations really don’t matter as much as we think and the broad strokes of our experiences all share certain common truths.
These selections address the challenges that we all, regardless of our circumstances, face throughout life – love, loss, fear, isolation, hope, and the challenge of getting back up when life has repeatedly kicked us down. You will laugh. You will cry. You will shake your head in recognition. And then you’ll be ready to get back up and begin living again.
Sometimes life sucks. But you don’t have to let it suck the life out of you.
Disclosure: This book contains some of the essays that have been published on my blog throughout the last five and a half years. They have been edited and organized in order to provide a “how to” guide for moving through trauma of any kind.
You’re Not Ready to Date Until You Have These 7 Things In Place!
I put the cart before the horse when it came to dating after divorce. I invited dates to take part in the drama that my ex-husband directed. I looked to my partner for the day for emotional support and validation that I was desirable even after being rejected. And I even allowed my date’s views of me to shape my own self-image.
Overall, I made the experience much harder than it needed to be because I didn’t have these seven things in place before I started dating. Click here to learn more about my mistakes!
Two Apps I’m Loving Right Now
Gratitude Journal
This easy-to-use app encourages you to take a moment each day to jot down what you’re grateful for. Each day creates a single entry and you can add as many bulleted items as you like. My favorite part is the ability to upload up to three photos. I’m finding that this feature helps me be more mindful through the day of what I’m grateful for as I look for suitable picture opportunities.
Not only doe this app help you focus on the good each day, it then becomes a searchable database of sunshine that you can reference on the cloudier days.
The app syncs between devices using iCloud and also allows you to share your entires via social media.
Breethe
After tiring of my last meditation app, I was in need of something different. I doenloaded the freebie versions of several different ones and this one stood out. I’m nearing the end of a trial month of the full app, and I’m loving it enough to purchase a year.
My biggest complaint with many meditation apps is their lack of flexibility. I like to have options from day to day about the length of meditation and the focus of any visualization. I get annoyed when I am forced to be locked into a series of mediations or when all of the selctions are the same length.
This app has a huge selection of options that range from just a couple minutes to over 20 minutes. You have complete felxibility in how you approach them – you can elect to do one series at a time or you can treat it like a sampler plate. I’m currently doing the latter:)
Lessons From the End of a Marriage 