Those Moments

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I had planned on writing a different post this evening.

But then I received some news.

 

The kind of news that makes your stomach drop.

Your brain stutter.

Your chest tighten.

Your throat clench.

And makes your eyes swell with tears.

 

The kind of news that makes it hard to breath yet also drives home the importance of each breath.

Because we never know how many we have.

 

Those moments are such a harsh reminder of the fragility of life and the swiftness at which it can change.

They remind us that no matter how much we plan, we cannot control.

It’s a wake-up call to be present in the moment. Because that’s all we’re guaranteed.

And it reveals how important our relationships are and that we are all more connected than we realize.

 

Tonight, I’m letting go of the stressors of the day.

I’m setting aside the to-do list for the evening.

And instead I’m going to snuggle with my family.

While the tears fall as they may.

And remember what really matters.

 

Hug your kids tonight. Tell your family you love them. Reach out to your friends just to let them know you’re thinking about them. Pet the furry ones.

And take a few moments and just be grateful.

You’re here right now.

 

When You Shouldn’t Forgive

Posted on by stilllearning2b

We are told that to err is human; to forgive is divine.

But is that always the case?

Are there times when forgiveness actually harms you rather than setting you free?

Read the article. It made me think. What does it say to you?

For all that culturally we admire the ability to forgive—it’s associated with magnanimity, spiritual growth, and, of course, religiosity—it remains a somewhat thorny issue from a psychological point of view. In layman’s terms, the ability to forgive is widely seen as evidence of how high humans rank in the chain of being—animals don’t forgive, after all—so it conveys a moral superiority. But from a psychological point of view, two key questions remain: Why do humans forgive and, when they do, how do they hope to benefit? Read the rest on Psychology Today.

 

I know one of the reasons that I chose and have been able to forgive my ex is that he is not a presence in my life. I’m forgiving a memory of a person rather than actual flesh and blood. I don’t know if I would have made the same choice if he was still an active participant in my life.

Keep Calm. Karma Has Your Back.

Posted on by stilllearning2b
karma

Karma. She’s pretty awesome.

It’s funny how time changes things. I used to have a driving need to “make him pay.” Then, I lost the need to be his judge and jury, but I still wanted to know that he faced the consequences of his choices.

Now?

Now, I actually want him to be okay. Far away. But okay.

But ultimately, what happens to him isn’t up to me.

It’s up to him.

Because when you do good, good has a way of doing back to you.

And when you do bad…

Well, let’s just say bad holds a grudge and carries a big stick.

 

For those who missed it last spring, here is my episode of Karma’s a B*tch, Till Debt Do Us Part. It’s available in two formats:

On iTunes for $2.99

On Amazon Instant Video from $1.99

It’s interesting to see the story played out in live action.

 

And while we’re on a karma theme, here are some great karma quotes. Enjoy:) And remember, karma’s always watching.

01b406a3cb1bfac95f4a56c6a1b8f17b dear-karma i_saw_that_karma I-hope-karma-slaps-you-in-the-face-before-I-do.-T-Shirts karma_domino karma_has_no_deadline karma-1 Karma-25826 karma-cleanse karma karma karma1 KARMA11 keep-calm-and-let-karma-finish-it-32

 

Keep Calm. Karma’s Got Your Back.

Posted on by stilllearning2b
karma

It’s funny how time changes things. I used to have a driving need to “make him pay.” Then, I lost the need to be his judge and jury, but I still wanted to know that he faced the consequences of his choices.

Now?

Now, I actually want him to be okay. Far away. But okay.

But ultimately, what happens to him isn’t up to me.

It’s up to him.

Because when you do good, good has a way of doing back to you.

And when you do bad…

Well, let’s just say bad holds a grudge and carries a big stick.

 

For those who missed it last spring, here is my episode of Karma’s a B*tch, Till Debt Do Us Part. It’s available in two formats:

On iTunes for $2.99

On Amazon Instant Video from $1.99

It’s interesting to see the story played out in live action.

 

And while we’re on a karma theme, here are some great karma quotes. Enjoy:) And remember, karma’s always watching.

01b406a3cb1bfac95f4a56c6a1b8f17b dear-karma i_saw_that_karma I-hope-karma-slaps-you-in-the-face-before-I-do.-T-Shirts karma_domino karma_has_no_deadline karma-1 Karma-25826 karma-cleanse karma karma karma1 KARMA11 keep-calm-and-let-karma-finish-it-32

 

Break-Up Advice You Haven’t Heard

Posted on by stilllearning2b

There is no shortage of advice on how to survive a breakup, whether it be a brief dalliance or a decades-long marriage. Much of the advice is sound and can help provide hope and perspective as you face heartbreak. However, when you are facing the intense pain and loneliness of the end of a relationship, you can use all the help you can get. Here are six tips for surviving a breakup that you haven’t heard.

 

“What I Need” Message

Your friends and family want to help you after your breakup, but they may not know how. Send an email or post a message on Facebook that gives your loved ones tangible ways they can help you. For example, I asked my friends and family not to bad-mouth my ex and to send me lots of reasons to laugh.

 

Sign Up For Something With a Finish Line

I ran my first race ever mere months after my husband left. It was a mirror of the challenges that I faced in my life, yet the finish line was within sight and doable. A race of any sort provides you with a purpose and gives you a sense of pride and accomplishment when you need it the most.

 

Journal In Three Parts

Writing is a proven strategy to help you process loss and heartache, yet it only works if you do not use it to fixate on your pain. Structure your journal in three parts and always move through each section in order every time you write: 1) Releasing the Pain – uncensored spewing to release the pain and anger, 2) Solving the Problems – brainstorm solutions and ideas in your life and recognizing what you have and 3) Looking Forward – hope and anticipation for the future. This structure promotes healing and growth while acknowledging the pain.

 

Radical Gratitude

This is no basic gratitude list! Write a list of why you are grateful for your ex and/or your relationship. It will not be easy. Once you have the list, post it where you can see it often. This list forces you to look at the bigger picture and helps you to be thankful for the lasting good that can come from any relationship. You cannot always change your circumstances, but you can always change your attitude.

 

Yoga

Yoga was one of my primary therapists after my divorce. It is much more than glorified stretching; it teaches you to breathe fully, trust yourself and soften to discomfort. The lessons that you learn on the mat will carry over into your life in ways that you cannot even imagine. Plus, many yoga studios are a great place to meet singles when you’re ready!

 

Scheduled Tears

Most people fall into one extreme or another after a breakup – they either ignore the pain completely and use distractions to hide or they wallow in their misery long after the end of the relationship. In order to find balance between these two extremes, try scheduling time to feel the pain. In the beginning, this may be several times a day where you pause and reflect. Later on, you may only schedule your tears once a month or on special days. Regardless, when the reminder sounds, stop and feel. When the time is up, shake it off and keep living – there are smiles to be found amongst the tears.