At Some Point, It’s No Longer About the Nail

In the beginning, I made it all about him.

What he did.

Why he did it.

How he did it.

Where he was.

Who he was.

 

It was an escape of a sort. A distraction. If I stayed focused on him, I didn’t have to think about me.

 

What I was going to do now that my life was washed away.

Why this happened to me.

How I was going to survive and rebuild.

Where I was going to live.

And who I was without him.

 

But at some point, I had to decide to make it all about me. To turn my energies towards what I could change rather than curse what I could not.

Because no matter how much attention I turned towards him, it wasn’t going to help me feel any better.

 

When you first step upon a nail, the sharp steel tearing through tender flesh, it is prudent to focus on the nail. First by removing the offending stake and then by examining it for any signs of rust or fragments left behind.

And then at some point, the nail no longer matters.

Only the wound is of consequence. And your attentions must turn to the ministrations of puncture care, ensuring that it heals fully without infection to poison the blood.

 

A difficult divorce is much the same. Once the distressing person has been removed, focus on them only leaves your wounds unattended.

Because at some point, the nail no longer matters.

Only you do.

 

 

 

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14 thoughts on “At Some Point, It’s No Longer About the Nail

  1. Wow. My divorce will take place in a few weeks-months, depending on his response to some attempts for negotiation. I didn’t choose this, I don’t want it, my story is very similar to yours….and I absolutely love this post. His crisis is his & at this point, I am having to learn the hard task of release…bc the more I concern myself over him…the more I feel stuck. Release is so hard…but oh so necessary. Walking thru the pain to heal is 100% what you need to do to heal well, but I’ll be darn if it isn’t the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

  2. Wow! I’ve been stuck in this evaluating him mode for many years, following many affairs now…and I’m just realizing this and trying to look at myself. Thank you….sometimes it really feels like you are all alone in this, especially when none understands.

  3. Thank you so much for sharing your blogs. I’ve been going through this for 6 months and it is the worst feeling ever. I asked him to leave with hopes of change. Didn’t go as thought and now he’s already in another relationship. I feel like I’m obsessing over him at times, loosing myself. Reading your blogs/ people’s comments makes me realize all these feelings ups and down are normal. It feels like it will never end. I just want to feel at peace again.

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