Top Ten Posts of 2019

Posted on by stilllearning2b

1 – 7 Reasons Your Ex Getting Married is the Worst (And 7 Reasons it’s Not)

This has been a leader for a few years now. I think people are caught off guard with the intensity of their reaction when they learn that their ex is getting married and they turn to Google to validate their feelings and reassure themselves that they’re not alone. I also created a video this year that addresses the topic.

 

2 – Subtle Signs You’re Being Manipulated by a Covert Abuser

Covert abuse is sneaky. Knowing the signs is the first step in protecting yourself.

 

3 – 5 Things You Don’t Understand About Divorce Until You’ve Lived Through It

I don’t think any of us knew what to expect before we went through divorce ourselves. This post is both validating of your experiences and helps you understand while some people in your life may struggle to “get it.”

 

4 – Finding Happiness After an Unwanted Divorce

When you’ve been hit by the Mack Truck of an unwanted divorce, being happy again feels impossible. This post helps to reassure you that it’s not.

 

5 – Is it Love? The False Dawn of a Rebound Relationship

It feels real. And you desperately want it to BE real. But there is a reason that those early post-divorce relationships don’t tend to last.

 

6 – Five Empowering Ways to Recover From Gaslighting

Gaslighting leaves you feeling so confused and powerless that it’s difficult to see the way out. This post gives you actionable strategies that can help you heal.

 

7 – How Do You Get Through Your Anniversary After Divorce?

The first one is awful. And subsequent ones can still be a bittersweet reminder of what was loved – and lost. I share ideas what what you can do before, during and after that day to help ease you through.

 

8 – 15 Questions to Ask Yourself If You’ve Been Cheated On

After being cheated on, your mind is a swirling mess of emotions. These 15 questions act like a guide rail to help you find your way.

 

9 – Ten Metaphors For Divorce

These are a mixture of eye-opening and funny as divorce is compared to everything from a favorite sweater to a visit to the eye doctor. Which do you relate to?

 

10 – The Importance of Feeling Safe in a Relationship

I wrote this post after I realized how little we talk about the importance of feeling emotionally safe in a relationship. Based on the views and the reaction on Facebook, it’s a conversation that needs to happen.

 

Top Ten ‘Lessons From the End of a Marriage’ Posts of 2016

Posted on by stilllearning2b

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2016 was filled with questions about how to deal with narcissists (and other difficult people), how to create emotional distance from your ex (especially when they have the audacity to remarry) and how to take control of your own life and happiness. All important questions.

Did you miss any of these popular reads?

 7 Reasons Discovering Your Ex is Getting Married is the Worst (and 7 Reasons It’s Not)  Because even though we may not want them anymore, it’s still hard to realize they’re moving on.

Finding Happiness After An Unwanted Divorce It begins with an awful realization – that your marriage is ending and you cannot stop it. Where do you go from there?

How to Accept the Apology You Never Received Often times the people that harm us the worst are the same ones who refuse to apologize for their transgressions. Let that be their problem, not yours.

How to Fall Out of Love Sometimes the relationship ends before your love does. And it’s painful to still love someone who no longer loves you. Here’s how to let go.

Subtle Signs You’re Being Manipulated by a Covert Abuser I felt weird writing this post, expecting people to belittle the signs I saw in my ex. Instead, I was surprised to find that many people experienced similar wolves in sheep’s clothing.

Why “How Could You Do This to Me?” Is the Wrong Question to Ask This piece was inspired by one of The Four Agreements – “never take it personally.” It’s amazing what happens when we can separate someone’s actions from ourselves.

Five Empowering Ways to Recover From Gaslighting Because gaslighting is the worst. Learn how to find your own truth again.

8 Reasons Relationships Move Too Fast (and Why You Should Slow it Down) A lot of people find themselves in a runaway relationship train. This post will help you understand why that happens and give you ideas to regain some control.

Is It Love? The False Dawn of a Rebound Relationship The first relationship after divorce can be powerfully intoxicating. It can also be incredibly damaging. Learn the difference.

Phases of Moving On After Divorce Apparently, I’m not the only one who experiences impatience:) Moving on can’t be rushed and certain things have to happen before other steps can be taken.

 

 

Top Ten

Posted on by stilllearning2b

I grew up watching David Letterman on the Late Show. My favorite part of every show was always the top ten list. It was relevant, clever and often had multi-layered meanings embedded within the list. This top ten list is not like that:) These are simply the 10 most shared posts from my site over the past two years (yikes! has it really been that long?!?). Plus, it would have to be called the Early Show since I’m often in bed long before ten.

Drumroll, please, Paul Shaffer.

10. Ghosts of Christmas: I wrote this one last year, reflecting on how the holiday changed for me once my parents divorced and how Christmas has evolved for me as an adult. I still smile looking at some of the pictures in this post. I look so young. Scary fact – I was already dating my ex husband at the time the one with the huge stocking was taken.

9. En Guarde: Lessons From the Fencing Strip: I fenced (yeah, the thing with the swords) throughout much of high school. My instructor, a surly Frenchman nicknamed Pouj, taught me many lessons. About sword fighting, sure, but also about life.

8. Divorce and PTSD: This has been my most controversial piece to date (don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll write more that get people’s drawers in a bunch:) ). The link between divorce and PTSD is starting to get more attention. I hope that continues; no one should have to suffer in silence.

7. Who Is He?: Ahh, yes. The post inspired by the way people find my blog. It’s scary, but Google will auto-fill my name with “husband” or “ex husband.” I reveal his identity in my own way in this post.

6. I Leave You With: This is a recent post, written just before my wedding. I was feeling reflective and grateful and I wanted to share hope with those who cannot yet see the light. It does get better. I promise.

5. Finding Love Again: This is a somewhat abstract post about dating and being vulnerable in love after loss. I share my screw-ups and what I learned along the way. Apparently people find them helpful. Or they just like to laugh at my screw-ups:)

4. Fifty Shades of Grey Through the Eyes of a Divorcee: I was asked to read this book before attending a party with the same theme. The story didn’t captivate me, but I saw the appeal for women who had been through a divorce. By the way, the Grey Goose martinis with zip tie olive holders were awesome!

3. Tips For Surviving a Malignant Divorce: One of the reasons I started writing was that there was little to information and support for those going through an atypical divorce. All the usual advice did not pertain to me. This post enumerates some of what I figured out and that can be helpful for those also engaged in an unusual divorce. A note here, I usually shy away from labels like “narcissist” and “sociopath” in regards to my ex, but these tips certainly apply to those divorcing spouses with those diagnoses.

2. How to Become a Huffington Post Blogger: Apparently a lot of people want to write for HuffPo. Getting on with them was certainly a big break for me that lead to many more opportunities. Here are my suggestions for getting published. Just make sure you have a thick skin first – those commenters are brutal!

Paul, you’re up. Another drumroll, please:)

1. The Day the Marriage Died: Much of this was actually written in the weeks after he left. It’s raw. Brutal, even. I still have trouble reading it, even to this day. I think it captures the shock and devastation left behind when a marriage ends suddenly. Thank goodness that life doesn’t end there.

So, there you have it – the top ten shared posts. Hopefully you saw some old favorites or found something new to enjoy over a cup of coffee. Happy hopefully-a-holiday Monday to you:)

Lisa