I Love You Enough

“I love you enough to feed you into the wood chipper head first,” I announced mirthfully to my husband the other night on our way to dinner.

Which got me thinking about all of the ways we express love that are often not interpreted as such.

 

Sometimes love is a sweet hug and a kind word, a welcome home after a long day.

Sometimes love is a playful smack on the butt, an adult version of, “Tag, you’re it!”

Sometimes love is expressed in the little things, the gestures that say, “I see you.”

Sometimes love is found in offering the extra helping and sometimes it’s found by accepting that unwanted offering.

Sometimes love is granting space, giving the gift of time and freedom.

Sometimes love is overwhelming, flooding the senses. And sometimes it’s more like a dull ache fading into the background.

Sometimes love is accepting the onslaught of frustration and unease that often releases once the distressed feel safe.

Sometimes love is a difficult decision that you know will hurt somebody in the moment yet be better for them in long run.

Sometimes love is saying you’re sorry even when you’re still angry and accepting an apology even though you know you’re right. And sometimes it’s admitting you’re wrong.

Sometimes love is enforcing boundaries and learning to say, “No,” as any parent is well aware.

Sometimes love is expressed through frustration, not at the person but the helplessness you feel about their situation.

Sometimes love is letting go and sometimes it’s refusing to release your grip.

Sometimes love is giving in and sometimes it’s about giving someone the confidence to do it on their own.

Love is the action and it’s also the intent.

And learning to see love requires that sometimes you look behind the curtain, that you shelve your initial assumptions and reactions and instead consider that maybe what you’re really seeing is, “I love you.”

And sometimes love is joking that if I ever get angry enough to kill you, I’ll be sure to make it quick 🙂

 

 

 

Divorce Insurance

My mom recently bought a new car which seemed to come with a seemingly endless stream of extended warranty offers and additional insurance opportunities. Insurance is an industry that capitalizes on our fears, offering reassurances in exchange for money and promising certainty rather than risk.

Insurance plays tricks on our brains. We somehow think that because we are aware of the risk and we addressed it up front, that the particular calamity will not strike. We unconsciously see our payout as a bit of a bargain with fate – if I pay now, you won’t make me pay later.

We want reassurances that everything will be okay and that disaster will not follow us home. And while some insurance is certainly a wise choice, it can be easy to allow the cost of fear to drain you.

Risk is a part of life.

And no insurance company can alleviate all loss and some pain and suffering is resistant to even the most generous sums.

 

As I was talking to my mom about her options, I wondered if anyone had ever tried to sell divorce insurance. It turns out that someone has.  The policy costs $15.99 per unit per month and matures after 48 months, whereupon it pays out $1,250 per unit purchased. If only protection against divorce were that easy.

From what I can tell, the company is not currently offering new policies. I guess the underwriting proved too complicated even though the actuarial numbers support a hefty profit. Plus, the money only helps to pay for the divorce and rebuilding expenses; it does not provide a happy marriage.

Maybe I can suggest another type of marriage guarantee – the extended warranty. It should be a more sure investment since the warranty is designed to expire before most marriages break down. Here’s what I envision:

 

marriage warranty

 

 

Of course it’s not possible to limit marital risk in such a way. Perhaps instead of insurance, we would be better served by developing our own life assurance policies. 

 

Ten Embarrassing Truths

I’ve spent the morning writing about some pretty heavy stuff and I just learned some very upsetting news about a friend. I’m ready to lighten the mood a bit. So, now for something completely different:

Ten Embarrassing Truths Revealed (Many for the very first time)

1) I am absolutely terrible about getting haircuts. I just had my first one since September. I don’t know why I’m so bad about them. I always intend to be better, but…

2) I can barely ride a bike (discussed in Learning to Go Downhill). It’s shameful since my dad is an uber bike rider and I’m so athletic.

3) Sometimes at night I pig out on a concoction of Greek yogurt, peanut butter, Splenda brown sugar and chocolate chips. In large quantities.

4) I wear this pair of sweatpants all the time around the house. They’re way too big and don’t even stay up. Even plumbers would be embarrassed.

5) My sneeze sounds like a barking chihuahua, in volume, sound and duration. All heads turn when my sinuses let go.

6) I gave up on cleaning my car about 6 years ago. In all other areas of my life, I am neat and clean. My car, however, is covered with black stuff on the outside and dog hair on the inside. Luckily, Tiger is my primary passenger.

7) Since I received my Kindle, I’ve started reading trashy novels. I pretend that it’s only because I can get them for free through Amazon or the library, but that’s just a rationalization.

8) I only learned how to pronounce “caprese” a couple months ago and I order caprese salads all the time.

9) I’m never sure how to spell “restaurant.”

10) I only know the names of a handful of my “gym buddies.” I’m bad about not paying attention to their names when we meet and then becoming friends with them later.

Okay, so there’s my embarrassing laundry for all to see:)  Anyone else willing to share theirs?

Don’t Boil Your Beagles

This sign is located off a country road outside of Helen, GA. It definitely leads to second and even third glances followed by quizzical looks to your driving companions. After a chuckle, the sign made me think. How often do we try to express ourselves in a similar manner?

One of the most frustrating positions to be in is to not feel listened to or understood. When this happens, we grow increasingly desperate. We feel like if we can just make the signs bold enough and colorful enough, our message will be clear. Perhaps we are placing emphasis on the wrong things.

Maybe what we need to focus on is empathy.

I know what you’re thinking – “You’re right! If he/she could just put him/herself in my shoes, then he/she would understand why I am so mad/sad/angry!”

That’s not what I’m talking about, however. You cannot force someone to empathize. But you can have empathy for them. Try looking at your message through their filters. Does it hit a nerve, causing them to flood or shut down? Or, perhaps they have never experienced anything of the sort and cannot relate at all. Try changing your approach to be more empathetic and speak to their experiences.Their response might surprise you. Empathy can be contagious.

Oh, and for the record, I prefer my Beagles with cream cheese.

Bask in Each Ray That Comes Your Way

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